The Misconception That 'A Man Who Doesn't Cheat Is a Good Man'—Criteria for a Relationship Where You Are Cherished
When it comes to talking about love, there is a common criterion we often hear, isn't there?
'A man who doesn't cheat is a good man'
I completely understand the desire to feel secure with this.
You don't want to be betrayed, you don't want to be compared to others, and
you want to be the only one he chooses.
But to be honest,
this criterion isquite fragile.
There are plenty of men who don't cheat but still treat you poorly.
First, let's talk about reality.
He doesn't cheat.
He seems sincere.
He follows the rules.
However,
he casually makes you feel insecure
he leaves his emotional processing up to you
his words and attitude are careless
he treats your life as insignificant
Such menare quite common.
'Not cheating' does not equal 'cherishing you.'
Often, it is just
that he is sticking to the behavior of not cheating
.
On the other hand, there are relationships with different criteria for judgment.
Conversely,
his actions aren't perfect
he has human flaws
he is not a saint
Even so,
not taking your existence lightly
placing you as a priority in their life
treating you with consistent respect
not leaving you in an insecure position
Men who can build such a relationship
truly exist in reality.
What is important here is not
the topic of 'cheating or not cheating'.
It is about where they place you.
The reason why the criteria for judgment are off
The standard that 'a man who doesn't cheat is a good man' is born from
a desire to feel secure by controlling behavior
whether they follow prohibitions
whether they will betray you or not
a
defensive perspective.
But what is truly important is
whether you are being treated with care
whether you are integrated as a priority in their life
whether you are being treated as someone who can be lost
a
perspective of placement.
As long as you don't look at this,
no matter how much the condition of 'not cheating' is met,
the relationship will not become easier.
The sense of unease with men who emphasize 'I will never cheat'
Sometimes, there are men who make this kind of appeal.
'I will absolutely never cheat!'
Honestly,
I'm not very fond of these types of men (lol).
The type who is trying too hard is usually
restricting themselves
denying their desires
suppressing their anxieties with morality
And because of that,
distortions tend to appear elsewhere.
As a result, they tend to
dominate through righteousness
demand the same self-restraint from their partner
unconsciously become suffocating
in a relationship.
Not cheating doesn't equal peace of mind; rather, when you get the feeling that
they can only maintain themselves by not cheating, the person with them gets exhausted.
This is an unconscious structure that
quietly lurks in many male-female relationships.
Not cheating is a 'result,' not the 'essence'
I don't want you to misunderstand,
I am not denying the act of not cheating itself.
However,
not cheating = sincere = a good man
If you make a simplistic connection like that, you will lose sight of the core.
The core is,
how you are being treated
where your sense of security comes from
whether there is trust rather than restriction
That is where it lies.
Whether or not he cheats is merely a
byproduct that appears as a result.
Conclusion
As long as your criteria for judgment remain on
'whether or not he cheats'
, your relationship will always be just a checklist.
But the moment your criteria shift to
'am I being treated with care?'
, your relationship will suddenly become quiet and easy.
A man who doesn't cheat isn't necessarily a good man.
A man who cherishes you is a good man.
To you
If you are currently feeling,
'I'm choosing someone who doesn't cheat, so why is it so painful?'
If you feel that way, it doesn't mean your judgment is wrong, nor does it mean your standards are too high.
It's just that
your axis of judgment is slightly off.
If you re-evaluate
'how you are being treated'
and 'where you are being placed',
just by doing that, the landscape of your love life will change surprisingly.
What you want is not someone who follows the rules, but
someone who treats you with care.
Why don't you try reclaiming that order now?
If,
"I don't want to repeat the same relationship again"
If that is what you thought,
it is faster to rethink the structure of your judgment rather than the conditions.
it is faster to rethink the structure of your judgment rather than the conditions.
▶The sense of discomfort you've felt from being told "Aren't you overthinking it?"
🪞 This is a place to clarify your judgment, rather than to find what is correct.
If, after finishing reading,
you feel "something has shifted" rather than "I understand."
That is a sign that the "assumptions" within you have begun to waver.
What we handle at withchat is the "assumption structure" that dulls your decision-making.
We do not offer encouragement or know-how.
This is time for you to stand in a position from which you will not return.
If this feeling rings a bell, we recommend starting your reading here.