Why the phrase "looking down on someone" exists—the structure of the mind that unconsciously seeks hierarchy
*This article is Chapter 2 of the Structure Hub
[Definitive Edition] The reason you can't find happiness despite your hard work—the social structure where you "can't feel" even after succeeding
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"I want to be equals," "Equality is better," "I'm not good with hierarchical relationships."
Many people say that.
I think so too.
But the moment a conversation begins, people unconsciously start looking for "above and below."
Who is smarter?
Who is superior?
Who is the one evaluating, and who is being evaluated?
And, who is safe?
I
try to avoid seeing the world in terms of above and below as much as possible.
Red is red.
Structure is structure.
I state what I see, just as it is.
I try not to project superiority or inferiority onto that.
I look at the state of things rather than titles or positions.
But when the other person receives it through the axis of hierarchy,
observation turns into "evaluation" before one knows it.
Flat words
can sometimes sound like they are "looking down on you."
Even though I only said "red,"
it is received as "you are wrong."
Here lies a misunderstanding.
When someone is told, "That sounds like you're looking down on me,"
is the other person really standing "above"?
Perhaps,
because we ourselves see the world in terms of "above or below,"
we might be feeling that way.
I want to stop and think about this for a moment.
Is the other person really evaluating?
Are they really judging?
Or perhaps,
is it not just that they said what they saw?
And one more thing.
Of course, there is no need to force yourself to be strong.
But how deeply something stings can also be related to your own "center of gravity."
For example,
even if someone calls you an "idiot,"
if you truly believe that you are not, it won't sting that deeply.
Conversely, if you have even a little bit of anxiety,
those words will resonate strongly.
In the first place, if a primary school student said it to you,
you might not care much at all.
Whether or not something stings
is not determined solely by the person who said it.
The center of gravity of the person receiving it also plays a role.
Here, I would like to ask again.
Do we truly desire "equality"?
People are not very good at simply living with instability.
For example, when you go to a restaurant,
you might unconsciously choose a "mid-range price."
If it's too expensive, you don't feel at ease.
If it's too cheap, you feel somewhat anxious.
We try to avoid extremes
and look for a "just right" position.
Hierarchical relationships are somewhat similar.
Perhaps,
rather than equality itself,
there may be moments when we are seeking a "reassuring hierarchy."
When there is a hierarchy,
you know where you stand.
Your coordinates are fixed.
However, when someone who does not assume a hierarchy appears,
that coordinate system wavers.
You no longer know where you should stand.
That is why, unconsciously,
we sometimes place others either "above" or "below" us.
Because that feels safer.
True equality,
might not be about eliminating hierarchy,
but about not looking for it.
As a result, the world looks flat.
But that is a little scary.
The standard for comparison disappears.
Because you can no longer measure your own value through positional relationships.
Being flat
is neither kindness nor coldness.
It is simply not relying on coordinates.
People who are stable without putting in effort
can sometimes appear to be "above" us.
But that is not about hierarchy,
it might just be a difference in their center of gravity.
Perhaps we,
while saying we want equality,
are actually afraid of the instability of equality.
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[Archived] The reason you can't find happiness despite your hard work—The social structure where you "can't feel" success
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This article also exists in English.
▶The sense of discomfort from being told "Aren't you overthinking it?"
🪞 This is a place to clarify your judgment rather than seek correctness.
If, after finishing reading, you feel that
something has shifted
rather than simply understanding—that is a sign that the 'assumptions' within you have begun to waver.
At withchat, we address the 'structural assumptions' that dull your decision-making.
We do not offer encouragement or know-how.
This is a time for you to stand in a position from which you cannot return.
If this feeling rings a bell, we recommend starting your reading here.