Annual Income, Kindness, Muscles? — The Pitfalls Hidden in the Criteria for a "Good Man"
What do you think makes a "good man"?
The image of a "good man" held by society, the image held by men themselves, and my own values.
They are each slightly misaligned and sometimes seem contradictory.
Today, I would like to delve into the question of "What is a good man?" from the perspective of withchat.
Criteria for a "good man" in society
Aren't the generally accepted criteria for a good man something like this?
・High annual income and financial stability
・High level of education and intelligence
・Dependable and protective
・Capable of leading and decisive
・Mentally stable and unwavering
・Muscular and physically strong (including lean muscle (lol))
In other words, a "spec-based image of a good man."
It is certainly easy to understand and is often considered an "ideal" by society.
But are you really happy?
I want to ask all the women here a question.
How many people who have married such a "man with good specs" are truly happy?
Strength can turn into "domination",
leadership can turn into "imposition",
and dependability can become a "hotbed for dependency."
Even if the specs are met, the heart remains unfulfilled.
I have seen many women whose hearts are worn down.
Don't you have stories like that around you, too?
Is a kind man a good man?
"No, no, I don't care about specs! I want a kind man."
There are many women who say this.
However, is that "kindness" true kindness?
I'm sorry to say, but I feel that much of the kindness shown by Japanese men is kindness born out of obligation.
Kindness born out of obligation
Starts from the thought of "I should do this"
Even if they prioritize the other person, they are not fulfilled inside themselves
As a result, they end up harboring dissatisfaction, thinking "I did this for you, yet I'm not rewarded"
Even if they are kind at first, they get exhausted over time and cannot keep it up
Many women will likely nod along, saying "That's so true!" or laugh when reading this.
Of course, I don't mean to disparage Japanese men.
Even from a global perspective, Japanese people are better at providing attentive care.
However, speaking from a withchat perspective,
👉 **"Obligatory consideration = swimming in the shallows,"** so you end up running out of breath quickly.
A voice from the men?
Surely there are men who would say this.
"No, no, I don't get pushed around by women. That's why I'm a strong man!"
...But I would laugh if I heard this remark.
Because this statement itself is the equivalent of confessing that "my capacity is small"after all.
What a truly strong man is
He knows that being pushed around = being tested
so he accepts it with composure. He can show silent trust by saying, "I'm okay."Even if he is toyed with, his core remains unshaken
"Trying to please" and "accommodating with composure" are completely different.
A man who can accommodate with composure, conversely, has not lost the lead.A small man responds with "rivalry"
The more he thinks, "I have to prove I'm not being pushed around," the more it reveals how small his capacity is.
A truly strong man can accept being pushed around by a woman with a reaction like, "Oh, here we go (laughs)."
That becomes a game, and it conveys the size of his capacity.
A man who is not afraid of being pushed around by a woman = a man who doesn't run out of oxygen even when diving into the deep sea.
Conversely, a man who says "I don't want to be pushed around" is still just splashing about in the shallows.
The "good man" that men think of
The image that men themselves think of as "cool" is also, like women's, too focused on "how I am perceived."
・Having confidence and pride
・Standing in a superior position to the other person
・Wanting to be the one who is relied upon
It is natural to become like that in a competitive society, but if you enter a relationship with those values, from a woman's perspective, you look like "a man who only uses force to overpower others" .
The "good man" that I think of
So, what is a "good man" in my opinion?
He has the composure to accept it even if he is pushed around
Having the confidence to take off the armor of pride and surrender naturally
Being able to show consideration naturally, not out of obligation, but from a place of fulfilled love
Possessing the strength to turn even service or subordination into a form of 'play'
It's not about 'protecting' or 'fighting'; I believe
'unwavering composure' is the true strength.
How much composure can you hold within yourself──. It all comes down to that one point.
The struggle of naming (laughs)
I searched for a name that could perfectly capture the 'good man' as defined by withchat.
King → A symbol of lineage or status, hierarchical
Prince → Romantic, but leaves a sense of immaturity or dependency
Knight → The image of power or battle comes first
None of them feel quite right.
What I am looking at is neither 'battle' nor 'lineage'.
It is the strength to accept with composure and remain unshaken even when someone surrenders to you.
Hero of the Deep Sea
That is why I call this existence a 'Hero of the Deep Sea'.
A hero is not someone who forces others to submit with power, but
someone who can accept others with love and composure.
That is the true form of a 'good man' to me.
What is a good man to you?
'A man who looks good' and 'a man you can truly feel safe with' are different.
Try asking yourself.
When you choose either one, which one makes you truly happy?
What kind of man is a 'good man' to you?
For the men reading this, please read this candid note and let me know your thoughts.
And──if you read this note and thought, 'Maybe I am a Hero of the Deep Sea?'... I look forward to hearing from you♡
Furthermore, if you want to know more deeply the 'strength of composure' you need, or the 'strength of composure' sleeping within you, let's talk about it in a withchat session.
From here begins your story.
▶The sense of unease I've been told is "just overthinking"
🪞 This is a place to clarify your judgment, rather than seeking correctness.
If, after finishing reading, you feel "something has shifted" rather than "I understand."
That is a sign that the "assumptions" within you have begun to waver.
It is the "premise structure" that dulls decision-making that we handle at withchat.
We do not deal in encouragement or know-how.
This is time for you to stand in a position from which you cannot return.
If this feeling rings a bell, we recommend starting your reading here.