Is a strong sense of self holding you back? The concept of a 'pick-and-choose' axis
"Have a strong sense of self."
The more people who have followed that advice and built a solid sense of self, the more they seem to get stuck at a certain point for some reason.
They get results. But they feel stifled somewhere along the way.
It's a common phrase.
But lately, I've felt a bit uneasy about it.
Is a 'strong sense of self' really what we need?
Perhaps—
Maybe we don't need a sense of self at all.
To be precise, I think what we need isn't a 'fixed axis,' but a 'pick-and-choose axis.'
The source of many of our worries is,
not the lack of a sense of self, but perhaps fixing that sense of self too rigidly.
"I am this kind of person." "I should be this way." "I believe this is right."
We define ourselves like that and try to stay there.
That rigidity robs us of flexibility. It makes change scary.
Even a slight deviation makes us feel as if our very self is crumbling.
On the other hand,
there are people who worry about 'not having a sense of self.'
When someone tells them something, they adopt it just like that.
They think, 'Maybe that's right,' and take it in, only to feel uncomfortable later.
That's why they feel like they are wavering.
But is the real problem actually a lack of a core axis?
A fixed axis may look stable, but it is actually fragile.
While a fixed axis protects you, it also leaves you with nowhere to escape.
Even a slight wobble can turn into self-denial.
However,
People without a fixed sense of self are not yet set in stone.
That is precisely why they can be re-edited over and over again.
Adopt someone's opinion for a moment.
Borrow a way of thinking from this book.
Try holding onto the words of that content creator for a while.
Picking and choosing is not a bad thing.
In fact, I love picking and choosing (laughs).
Everyone is borrowing perspectives from others,
testing the world,
and confirming the contours of their own self.
The problem is,
perhaps it is turning what you have picked and chosen into your own 'axis' just like that.
Even though you haven't digested it yet,
you fix it in place and say, 'This is who I am.'
That is why it becomes painful.
The real problem is,
not that you lack an axis.
It is that you haven't digested it.
It is that you have no place to return to yourself.
You are allowed to pick and choose.
But,
Digest it properly with your own stomach.
If it doesn't fit, let it go.
As long as you have that back-and-forth,
you don't need to fix your axis.
In fact, not fixing it makes you more flexible.
People without a fixed sense of self have room to grow.
Because they haven't made up their minds yet.
Because they haven't solidified yet.
Because they are still editable.
People who worry about not having a sense of self aren't lacking anything.
They just aren't fixed in place.
That's why they have room to grow.
What is truly scary might not be the lack of an axis,
but fixing your axis too much and becoming unable to move.
Rather than a fixed axis,
a sense of being able to return anytime is much harder to break.
Do you want
a "strong axis"?
Or
do you want to be someone who can be edited anytime?
1️⃣ Feeling unfulfilled. What is happiness?
▶ The reason why "I should be fine with this" never goes away
2️⃣I don't know if I should keep working like this
▶ In the AI era, "undecided people" will come to a halt
3️⃣Even when I feel at ease, I return to anxiety
▶ The true nature of a design that never ends in "not enough"
4️⃣Why do I feel tired after talking to people?
▶ The real reason why conversations don't click
🪞 When you are thinking but not making progress
If you keep thinking while misaligned,
no matter how much you think, you won't make progress.