Writing about you on note helped me look forward a little. Remembering my youth on the anniversary of my husband's passing.

A nostalgic Showa-era song was playing on the television.

Even though the idols from those days are over 60 now, they remain idols to me.

It is strange, listening to the music.

Scenery I had forgotten, and even the atmosphere of those times, come back with it.

And then, I remembered you.


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I met you when I was 17 years old.

To me, working as a waitress at a coffee shop, you were a slightly older, mature man.

You treated me like a child and often teased me.

While I felt a little annoyed, I didn't dislike your gentle gaze.

Back then, we didn't yet know that we would end up spending such a long time together.

Perhaps time is what gradually made us both adults.

The fountain pen and paper knife you gave me for my twentieth birthday are still my treasures.

When I look at the fountain pen, I feel like the young you and I are right back here beside me.

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How long were we together?

How much did we talk?

How much was I loved?

And how much did I love you?

When you are together for a long time, you find yourself putting those things into words less and less.

But when I pick up each memory, I believe that love was certainly there.

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You loved maps.

When you got maps at highway service areas, you would look at them so happily.

“Looking at maps makes me excited.”

I remember the face you had when you said that.

You also used to go on train trips by yourself.


“From Window of the World”andthe program where Rui Yoshida visits tavernswere also favorites of yours.

Did you want to try walking through lands you didn't know?

Perhaps you wanted to travel wherever your heart took you someday.

We often went to camper van exhibitions together, too.

Let's travel in a camper van when we retire.

We talked about that, too.

I really thought that time would come.

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However, that promise was never fulfilled.

I wanted to travel with you more.
I wanted to walk through towns we had never been to and see scenery I didn't know.
Beside you as you spread out a map, I wanted to ask, “Where shall we go next?” one more time.
When I think of that, my heart still aches deep inside.

Even so, being able to visit the Saigoku Thirty-three Kannon Pilgrimage together is a precious memory of mine.

I am so glad we were able to go on that trip.

Getting lost, becoming too tired to speak—now, all of it is a cherished time.

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It has been three years since you passed away.

I thought I wouldn't cry anymore.

I have grown used to daily life, and there are more things I can do on my own.

But when this day comes, I feel lonely all the same.

Time doesn't erase the sadness, does it?

Perhaps it is just that the way I carry it changes little by little.

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I have started writing about you on note.

Saying goodbye to my husband. What I felt when I became alone.

The life we spent together.

At first, I felt that writing about it might only make things more painful.

I couldn't find the right words, and my hands stopped many times.

Even so, as I wrote down my memories one by one, I realized something.

Writing was not about leaving you in the past.

It was about holding the time I spent with you close to my heart once again.

And every time someone read it and reached out to say, 'I feel the same way' or 'It reminded me of something,' a small light was lit in the sadness I had felt all alone.

Once I wrote about you on note, I was able to look forward just a little bit.

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I will not forget you. The young you.
You, who used to gaze at maps.
You, who looked forward to going on trips.
You, who lived for our family.

You are all within me.

Today is the anniversary of your passing. Please, rest in peace.

And please continue to watch over me and our children.

Everyone loves you so much.

'Thank you. You worked so hard.'


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Thank you for reading until the end.

As I am currently hospitalized, I am taking a break from the comments section.

I would be happy if you could share your feelings with a 'like' ❤️.

Thank you all so much, always. 💐

Osono | Senior Health Room