What it means to embrace yourself

This article is written for those who tend to put themselves last. I especially want this to reach those who are living their daily lives while dealing with psychiatric conditions.

Introduction

Those who have read this series might be thinking the following:

"This person seems quite hard on themselves."

I won't deny it. I certainly was that way in the past. I would set goals and act to achieve them. I think I was a fairly strict person, both to myself and to others.

However, I am trying to change now, and I feel that I have become "easier on myself" to some extent. This is a little different from laziness. I want to talk about how I have consciously learned, little by little, to forgive myself and be kind to myself.

Thinking in terms of a timeline

Even when I say "be easier on yourself," I think many people don't know where to start.

What helped me was thinking by dividing the timeline. Being a little easier on each of them—the past self, the present self, and the future self.

Embracing your past self

Many people are hard on their past selves.

"If only I had done this back then," "Why did I make that choice?" They dig up past failures and regrets over and over again.

But looking at it from my current perspective, how desperate was I back then? I was struggling. I was falling down. Even so, I somehow managed to get back up the next day.

Before you blame yourself, I want you to notice that fact.

I still haven't fully mastered this. If you ask me if I can embrace my very young self from long ago, I'm not quite there yet. But I have become able to look at it from a distance and think, "I see, that was a tough time for you."

I think that is enough. You don't have to embrace them all at once. You can just get closer, little by little.

Being kind to your present self

I used to blame myself for the days I couldn't get things done. In other words, I was blaming myself almost every day.

It's different now. I've come to think that it's natural to have days when things don't go well. I've become able to tell myself, "That's okay." This is not giving up. Based on my experience, I believe that by accepting my current self as the starting point, I can finally take the next step.

You can engage with your past and future selves mentally. You can also engage with your present self materially and physically. In fact, that is something you can start right away.

Bask in the morning sun. Listen to your favorite music. Touch things that feel good. Smell your favorite scents. Eat something sweet. Watch movies, manga, or anime that interest you. Get plenty of sleep. Consciously create time to care for your current self through your five senses.

Spending time on things unrelated to "achieving goals" has meaning in itself.

I believe that having time unrelated to efficiency or productivity is the gateway to being kind to yourself. You don't need to overthink it. Just try doing one thing today that makes you happy—that is enough.

I believe this is what it means to care for your current self.

A gift for your future self

The future is a accumulation of the present.

What we are doing, feeling, and choosing right now—that becomes a gift to our future selves. I believe what we should change is not the distant future, but the "now." Happiness in the present becomes a gift for the future.

Try setting aside goal-oriented thinking for a moment. Thoughts like "I want to achieve this" or "I must become that" contain the underlying premise that "my current self is not enough." When that piles up, this very moment always becomes just a "stepping stone." Living in the present with care—that in itself becomes a gift to your future self. So, there is no need to rush ahead.

I now believe that is what it means to trust your future self.

How I have changed

Change did not come all at once.

It took time. Encounters with the words of teachers like Tempu Nakamura and William Glasser, introspection through journaling, and relationships with others—these things gradually changed something within me.

Now, I have become able to gain a small sense of accomplishment just from the fact that I am growing little by little—today more than yesterday, and now more than before. I cultivate habits and build them up like compound interest. I have become able to find satisfaction in the process itself.

At the very least, I feel that I am "incredibly kind" to myself now, compared to how I used to be.

Conclusion

I now believe that embracing yourself means forgiving the past, caring for the present, and trusting the future.

You cannot change immediately. I know that better than anyone.

However, a catalyst, time, and small, consistent actions change people.

I hope this article can be one of those catalysts for you.

To those who have been putting themselves last: just for today, please try doing one thing for yourself.

As a doctor. And as a person who is learning to be kinder to themselves.