[No. 47] Encounters with Business Books: Small talk is not 'slacking off.' It is the ultimate weapon for building 'trust.' - 'What the World's Elite Talk About in Small Talk'
In this **[Encounters with Business Books]** series, I will introduce one business book at a time in a review format that I have encountered and that has served as a catalyst for changing my perspective on life and business.
Book and Author
The book I am introducing today is **'What the World's Elite Talk About in Small Talk'** by Piotr Feliks Grzywacz, former head of talent development at Google and representative of the Pronoia Group.
Introduction: Why you shouldn't talk about the weather
"It's nice weather today, isn't it?" "Yes, it is... (silence)"
Do you think of small talk as just "killing time to fill an awkward silence"? Or do you think that making small talk at work is just "slacking off"?
The author, Piotr, says: "For the elite, small talk is 'work' itself."
At top global companies like Google and Morgan Stanley, small talk is treated as an extremely strategic tool to instantly build 'rapport' (trust) with the other person and facilitate work.
This book will completely change our awareness of "small talk" and help us polish it into a "weapon" we can use starting tomorrow.
The Core of the Book: The second-rate read the 'atmosphere,' the first-rate read the 'person'
Why doesn't small talk among Japanese people get lively? It's because the goal has become "connecting the space (reading the atmosphere)."
The definition of first-rate small talk explained in this book is clear. "The purpose of small talk is to find 'common ground' with the other person and build a relationship of trust."
1. "Talking about the weather" is a sign of mental stagnation
Bad small talk: Things like "It's hot, isn't it?" that apply to anyone and are neither harmful nor helpful. This is the same as saying, "I am not interested in you."
First-rate small talk: Ask, "Have there been any new developments lately? (What's new?)" and focus on the other person's personal interests or changes.
2. 'Psychological Safety' is Born from Small Talk
[No. 45] 'Humble Leadership' and [No. 46] 'Think CIVILITY' taught us about 'psychological safety'.
The easiest way to create this is through 'self-disclosure' via small talk.
By sharing stories of your own failures, how you spend your weekends, or minor worries, you confirm each other's 'humanity.' At Google, this human connection is considered the foundation that boosts team productivity.
Practice: '3 Actions' to Improve Your Small Talk Skills
This book is packed with concrete techniques that even those who are not good at talking can use.
Action 1: Call Them by Name (Name Calling)
Method: Instead of just saying 'Good morning,' say 'Mr./Ms. [Name], good morning.'
Effect: Having your name called is the greatest reward for the brain. This alone satisfies the desire for recognition that 'I am being acknowledged.'
Action 2: Start with Affirmation (Yes, And)
Method: Instead of denying the other person's story with 'but,' expand the conversation by saying 'That's right (Yes), and (And)...'
Effect: The sense of security from not being denied makes the other person more talkative.
Action 3: Ask 'Why'
Method: If the other person says 'I went golfing,' instead of asking for facts like 'Where did you go? (Where),' ask 'Why do you like golf? (Why).'
Effect: You can touch upon that person's values and motivations (personality), turning superficial conversation into 'deep dialogue.'
Summary
Reading this book will help you understand that small talk is not 'idle chatter,' but an 'investment in human relationships.'
Taking the 'interest in others' from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' (No. 27),
along with the 'civility' from 'Think CIVILITY' (No. 46),
and delivering it to the other person through just a few minutes of 'small talk.'
This is the ultimate survival strategy that AI can never replicate, a privilege reserved only for humans. Tomorrow, when you meet someone at the office or on Zoom, why not try talking about 'them' instead of the weather?
▼ Recommended Reading
Here is a must-read list to further deepen the 'trust building through small talk' learned in 'What Do World-Class Professionals Talk About in Small Talk?' by looking at organizational development and scientific mechanisms.
[No. 152] 'The Gottman Institute's Communication Techniques: Improvements and Countermeasures Found Through Self-Diagnostic Tests' [Reason for selection: Scientific Mechanism] Why does small talk create trust? A psychology authority explains the scientific basis for how daily, trivial small talk is defined as a 'bid' for emotional connection, and how responding by 'turning toward' the other person determines the longevity of human relationships.
[No. 83] 'The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth' [Reason for selection: Scaling to Organizations] The definitive guide to expanding the one-on-one 'psychological safety' built through small talk to the entire team and organization. You can deeply understand the concept that Google identified as the condition for the strongest teams from an academic perspective.
[No. 102] 'Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling' [Reason for selection: Practice of Dialogue] A book that maximizes the action of 'asking why' mentioned in the text. It is a technique to transform superficial conversation into deep dialogue by sealing away your own knowledge and advice and asking the other person 'humble questions' with pure curiosity.
[No. 46] 'Think CIVILITY: The Power of Civility as the Ultimate Survival Strategy' [Reason for selection: Foundation of Mindset] Before using small talk techniques, if you don't have the foundation that makes the other person feel 'this person respects me,' no words will resonate. You can learn the ultimate stance for eliminating unconscious rudeness and engaging those around you with civility.
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▼ I introduce many other things too!