That one word from my teacher changed my life. A sad episode

When I was in elementary school, I loved to draw.

　Back in elementary school, didn't you all draw pictures outdoors?
　Sixty-three years ago, when I was in the fifth grade, I attended an elementary school in a small town adjacent to a city in Toyama Prefecture.

　I don't know if they still have students draw pictures outdoors during art class (perhaps it's called 'crafts' in elementary school now) in today's schools, but back then, we would draw outdoors several times a year. It was my favorite time.

　The reason was that I felt comfortable drawing alone outdoors with a clear mind, but another big reason was that my teacher praised my drawings many times. I barely remember what kind of pictures they were, but I still remember thinking as a child that I had 'drawn the large stone wall of the castle quite well.'

　They were probably so clumsy that I would be embarrassed to see them now. However, since I had even received a school award, I think they were decent works for a child's level.

An encounter with an art collection

　I don't remember the circumstances, but at one point, I came across a collection of art. I was instantly captivated by the paintings of one artist in it.
　The artist's name was Vincent van Gogh. The intense brushwork I had never seen before. The burning colors, the impasto, the writhing paint. Was it sunflowers? Was it the twisting cypresses? Or was it the undulating wheat fields? It was truly shocking.

　This is it! I thought. During the next outdoor sketching session, I imitated Van Gogh's brushwork to my heart's content and showed it to my teacher with great confidence.

An unexpected remark

　As soon as he saw it, he replied with an angry tone, 'What is this!' He ended it with the words, 'Don't draw pictures like this!'

　I, who had expected nothing but praise, stood there stunned. Then, sadness and frustration washed over me.

　And I made a resolution: 'I will never draw again. I'm breaking my brush!'
　After that, I never drew again.

　Note: An elementary school student would never use the expression 'breaking my brush,' and I'm not sure if it's even applicable to drawing, but as my current self, this is the only way I can express the feelings of my elementary school self. When I tell this story at a trial session for a sketching class, it always draws a complex, indescribable laugh.

Understanding the teacher's words now

　Thus, that one word from my teacher had a major impact on my life, but thinking about it calmly now, I understand how he felt. He probably meant that I should value the basics. Don't imitate eccentric brushwork on a whim. It's 100 years too early for you to be a Van Gogh, he might have meant.

　Now that I have become a sketching instructor, I understand the meaning of my teacher's words well.

I wish he had told me the reason. The terror of a remark without explanation

　However, looking back, I think that because I 'broke my brush' at such a young age, I was late in discovering my love for line sketching. I cannot suppress the feeling of wanting to resent him, thinking, 'Life is short, what have you done to me, teacher?'

　If only he had told me the reason, even just a word... but it's no use resenting him now.

　But as an instructor, I have vowed never to disparage a student's work without giving a reason.