My Parasitic Daily Life Episode 6: The Collapse of Resolve
"Was that clerk... a friend of yours?"
"Huh? Oh... I guess you could call her a friend, or maybe a neighbor and a childhood friend. It's more like she's a meddlesome older sister? Or maybe a younger sister?"
"I see... Could she be... your girlfriend...?"
Even though my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my mouth, I couldn't help but ask. I was terrified, and I pressed my trembling hand with my other trembling hand.
"N-no way! It's nothing like that. It really is like we're siblings... Kana... that's her name, we've been together since elementary school. You know... do you remember, Yu-san? I used to have a stutter, right? Because of that, people around me would tease me and make fun of me. Kana has a strong sense of justice, so she would just beat up anyone who did that, one after another..."
As he said that, Yu chuckled to himself, remembering.
"So, without me even asking, she was always hanging around me, acting as my bodyguard. So, we're far from having that kind of romantic relationship. ...But well, thanks to Kana? ...I'm not sure if that's why, but my stutter was cured, and she did all sorts of things for me around the house... I'm really grateful to her. I think of her like real family."
The words Yu spoke, with a slightly blunt shyness, conveyed his affection and tenderness for Kana so clearly it hurt. It didn't seem like she was a romantic interest for him, but... She is a special person.
By the time the lemonade and café au lait were brought over, the trembling in my hands had finally stopped.
Looking back 12 years, we were in the same space, doing what we each liked, not interfering with each other, where even the silence was comfortable; that was the kind of relationship we had.
And yet, for Yu right now, the silence was painful, the pauses were heartbreaking, and it was hard to breathe.
Something was urging me on, saying "more, more." When did I become like this...? That change in my heart must surely be reaching Yu as well.
When the café au lait bowl was empty, I decided to carry out today's major mission.
"Um... do you have any plans for Christmas Eve? I won a pair of tickets to an ice show... I was wondering if you might be interested, Yu-kun..."
"Christmas Eve? I don't have any plans, but... wouldn't you enjoy it more with a boyfriend or a friend than with someone like me?"
"I don't have one, I don't! If I did, I wouldn't be asking you, Yu-kun! I want to go with you..."
I reacted too strongly on impulse and immediately regretted it, thinking, "Oh no!"
"I see... Thank you..."
The face Yu made when he said that looked somehow complicated, and he seemed to be smiling sadly.
After that, the silence continued without getting an answer as to whether he would go or not. It seemed my invitation had ended in failure.
I didn't know what I had done wrong. Were phone calls and daily LIME messages fine, but going out together something he didn't want?
"I-I should probably get going."
I broke the silence.
I wanted to pretend the invitation from earlier never happened. I wanted to turn back time. I wanted to leave this place right now.
Stopping Yu, who said, "I'll pay for my own," I finished the bill while trying to create as cheerful an atmosphere as possible, and tried to leave quickly.
Just as we left the café, Yu, who had been walking in front, suddenly turned toward me, and we almost bumped into each other.
"Yu-san, I'm sorry. Um... if I'm misunderstanding, then never mind... but I'm going to take the entrance exam for a medical university in Tokyo. If I pass, I'll be moving back to Tokyo in April. And... I don't really have any intention of getting a girlfriend... I don't know how to put it well... but for you, Yu-san, it's not like that, not like a girlfriend or anything..."
"Oh... yeah. ...I-I know! It's not like that! No, no! I'm not like that either! There's no way I'd be hitting on a high school boy nine years younger than me!"
I said that loudly, acting as playful as I could at the end. It was the best response I could muster.
"Oh, is that so! My misunderstanding... I'm too self-conscious! How embarrassing. Sorry! I-in that case, I'd love to go to the ice show together!"
"Yeah, let's go! Taking a break from studying for exams is important, right?"
After answering that, I managed to cut off Yu's offer to "walk me to the station," and while stumbling repeatedly in my high heels that I wasn't used to, I just headed to the station with a blank mind and a fast pace.
Passersby coming from the opposite direction looked at me with surprised faces. Passengers on the train glanced at me—.
Before I knew it, I hadn't gotten off at my usual station, but at the final stop, "Shimokawara Station." I headed to that park. As always, it was empty, the park full of memories with Yu. It had become so dark that I could barely distinguish faces anymore.
I sat on that bench for the first time in 12 years. Only then did I finally cry out loud.
"Do adults ever cry out loud like this?"
"What do you mean, 'In that case, I'll go!'? Won a pair of tickets? There's no way I won them! I bought them, even though they're hard to get!"
"What do you mean, 'Are you nervous seeing me look like an adult?'? Was I just a middle schooler in your eyes normally? I don't understand anything anymore..."
Embarrassing. Painful.
Heartbreaking. Bitter. Heartbreaking.
Sad. Infuriating.
...But I love you.
Words I had never used before and emotions I had never experienced overflowed as if a dam had broken.
"Ah, I see... so this is what they call youth, huh?"
My excited self and my calm self were crowding my head, whispering to each other.
Anger, sadness, and affection—various emotions were all mixed up, calming down then getting angry, getting angry then crying...
When I repeated that over and over again, in the end, it felt somehow funny, and I cried while laughing.
"Oh well, before I could even confess,
I got rejected—"
☞☞☞ Episode 7: Kana and Yu ☞☞☞
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