My Parasitic Daily Life Episode 14: Lemon Candy
"Yu, I'm borrowing the kitchen!"
On her way back from the convenience store, Yu had stopped at the supermarket to buy groceries before heading home. Until now, Yu had left everything, including cooking and general housework, entirely to her mother. Aside from cooking class in home economics, she had no experience making meals. The cupcakes from the other day were a simple recipe of just mixing and baking, but a full meal was a different story. She decided to give it a try, making full use of the internet.
"I'll have what Kana brought over yesterday for lunch... so I'll be making dinner today!"
The menu was hamburger steak and miso soup, things she had made in class before. She watched the cooking tutorial video all the way through once, and from the second time on, she paused it at key points to proceed in real-time. First, mincing the onion. Her eyes started watering as she cut it. Along with the tears, Yosuke's face from earlier floated into her mind, and she shook her head.
Focus on the cooking. This was no time to be distracted. She needed to force her spirits up and get to work. If she let her guard down, 'hesitation' might creep in. It's okay. She could do this.
Focus on the cooking. But, she was so clumsy. Cutting a single vegetable, adding a single seasoning, mixing things together...
She hadn't taken the bowl out beforehand, her hands were dirty so she couldn't touch things, there was no place to put things down, her cuts were uneven, she had too much or too little...
Even though she was following the video, it wasn't going well. She kept failing, shouting "wah" and "ah" all by herself, and couldn't make any progress. She felt like crying again. She was disgusted with herself for not being able to do things smartly.
Then, Yu appeared sluggishly. She hadn't sensed his presence, and when he suddenly appeared beside her, Yu let out a small scream.
"Oh, Yu. Sorry, I was being loud, wasn't I? I'm just so annoyed with how clumsy I am. I think I'll have it made by evening, so please wait for me."
There was no reaction, but it seemed he was trying to help Yu. Yu was genuinely happy about Yu's feelings, smiled, and said, "Then, could you hold this down for me?" as she entrusted him with being her cooking assistant, careful not to push him too hard.
Though, in truth, Yu was more capable at cooking than she was...
The finished dinner looked decent enough, but the hamburger was dry and crumbly, the miso soup was missing something, and it couldn't be called delicious by any stretch of the imagination. Never had she wanted to show as much respect for her mother's daily cooking as she did today.
But, for some reason, Yu felt like he had eaten more than usual. Perhaps her consideration for him had made it so. That was fine, too.
To live is to eat. To eat is to live. She was happy to know that Yu had not given up on living.
Yu took paid leave for Monday and Tuesday. She contacted her mother to say that a friend was suffering from mental illness and she was staying over to take care of them, and that she would be taking two days off work. Her mother, who was extremely worried that Yu, who had never stayed over at a friend's house before, might have gotten involved in some kind of trouble, "I'm fine, really." she said, conveying her serious intent, and her mother understood.
Three days had passed since she arrived on Friday night. Having no experience with housework, Yu looked things up on the internet and handled all sorts of chores, staying close to Yu while living a life that felt like playing house.
Yu remained expressionless and didn't say anything, but he had started to eat little by little the clumsy meals Yu made, and when she prompted him to bathe, he would take a bath, and when she made up the bed in his room on the second floor and prompted him, he would sleep in the futon. But other than eating, bathing, and sleeping, Yu stayed huddled in Akie's room the whole time. Yu tried to stay by Yu's side as much as possible.
On Monday night, the two were sitting side-by-side in Akie's room as usual, and Yu was reading a novel next to him. Suddenly, Yu opened his mouth.
"Yu... Yu-nee... Am I... a jinx? I... I make everyone unhappy. When I... want something, I... lose someone precious. That day, I... shouldn't have said I wanted... the Gaoranger belt."
"That day too, I wanted to see Yu-nee... I wanted to... tell Yu-nee my feelings... because I... wished for it, Grandma... died. This time it's Yu-nee... I don't want to... lose anyone precious... anymore. I'm scared."
For some reason, Yu's old stutter had returned. Yu spat out the words, blaming himself painfully. The five-year-old Yu overlapped in her vision.
'Ah, has this child been living his whole life carrying such a cross? He thinks his mother and grandmother died because of him...' 'Is that why he has suppressed his emotions until now, choosing a way of life where he wants nothing and feels nothing...' '
She hugged Yu tightly while they were still sitting.
"You're an idiot, Yu! That's not true at all! It's not your fault. They didn't die because of you. If you say things like that, they'll be sad, you know? Both Mom and Grandma thought you were precious, and they were willing to protect you even at the cost of their own lives, you know? They thought of your happiness above all else, you know? You feel like you were raised with love, don't you?" "Yu, you have to be happy! It's okay to wish for happiness, it's okay to seek happiness!" "Besides, I'm not going to die! Don't go killing me off on your own!"
As Yu spoke to Yu, she felt the words resonating within herself, and tears overflowed. She suddenly felt a sense of endearment for the mother she had thought of as a nuisance.
"Yu, look, do you remember this?"
Yu brought over the large plastic pot with a red lid that had been offered at the altar and showed it to Yu. Inside, it was packed full of lemon candies.
"I happened to find it today. Isn't this the lemon candy you used to eat?"
As Yu received it, he recalled how, when he had just moved from Tokyo, Akie would always hand him a lemon candy with a smile.
"Yu, these are magic candies, you know.
When you're having a hard time or feeling sad, try eating one.
You'll feel energized and happy.
Hehehe..."
Yu put a lemon candy in his mouth. It tasted nostalgic. Akie's gentle smile vividly returned. Tears overflowed endlessly. He cried out loud. These were the first tears he had shed since Akie passed away.
Yu let Yu cry to his heart's content. She held him the whole time. How much time had passed? They cried together until their tears ran dry. Yu wiped Yu's tears with the cuff of the sweatshirt she was wearing.
Yu and Yu looked at each other. For the first time, they kissed. With trembling lips, as if gently touching...
The first kiss tasted like lemon, just as the rumors said... it tasted like lemon candy.
An awkward kiss. Both of them had faces messy with tears. Suddenly coming to her senses, Yu felt embarrassed and looked away. Gently cupping her face, Yu kissed her again.
"Yu-nee, thank you. I'm okay now."
"Yeah."
They made hot tea, wrapped themselves in the futon together, and gazed at the moon visible from the window.
"I'll go to high school tomorrow. I didn't attend the graduation ceremony, and I was told to come pick up my things. I haven't received my diploma either."
"I see. Well, I have leave until tomorrow too, but I'll head back home for now."
"Yeah. Yu-nee... I'm going to Tokyo in April as planned. I got into my first-choice university."
"I see... Congratulations."
Yu expressed her congratulations without letting her feelings of loneliness show.
"Hey... for the two weeks until I go to Tokyo, why don't you live here, Yu-nee? You can commute to work from here, right? I want to be with you."
"Huh? Oh... yeah, that's right. Okay! I'll do that. I want to be with you too."
***
The next day, Yu went to thank Kana first thing in the morning and apologized for his extraordinary rudeness up until now. Kana cried with joy to see that Yu was doing better. He then sincerely told her that even though he was aware of her feelings, he had been selfishly relying on her, and while he cared for her like family, he loved Yu as a partner. Even while crying, Kana accepted Yu's feelings.
Yu returned home and explained the situation to her mother. She then asked for permission to live at Yu's house for the rest of March. At first, her mother objected because he was a high school student, but she persuaded her again and again. The time had come to show her 27-year-old self as she truly was. She expressed her thoughts one by one: how she had been completely dependent on her parents, how she realized how difficult housework was after trying it herself, and how she intended to turn over a new leaf, do housework, and live independently. In the end, her sincerity came through, and her mother gave her approval. It was a trial for her mother as well, to let go of her child.
Then, after her paid leave ended, she made time to see Yosuke during lunch and reported that she had officially started dating Yu. She was hesitant about whether she should say things that would hurt him again, but she felt she had to talk to Yosuke properly. That was because Yosuke had always faced her honestly, no matter what.
As she spoke, Yu almost cried many times, but she held back. It was Yosuke who had the right to cry. She chided herself, thinking it would be selfish for her to cry.
She expressed her heartfelt gratitude for the confidence Yosuke had given her and for the irreplaceable time they had spent together.
Kind people say nothing. They accept all of the other person's selfishness. But it is a mistake to say, "That person is kind, they will listen to anything." Kind people are just hiding the wounds in their own hearts and accepting things despite them. Without realizing that, people around them just use the word "kind" and take advantage of them.Yu wanted, at the very least, for Yosuke to loathe her.She wanted to at least bear that responsibility... she wanted to at least share that pain with him.
But Yosuke wouldn't even allow her that. The last thing he said was this:
"I see. If you're happy, Yu, then that's fine. Be happy."
Yu didn't know if that was his true heart, a false statement born of kindness, or sarcasm. She just decided to accept those words as they were and live on.
☞☞☞ Final Episode: Time of Departure ☞☞☞
Click here for the magazine where you can read all the episodes❢❢❢