The day I was saved by my child's words | Yuru-log #23
Hello.
I am waato, a working mom of two currently on leave due to adjustment disorder.
Today,
I would like to write down
the words my eldest child said to me
on a day when my heart was deeply shaken.
To make sure I never forget these precious words.
◾️ About that day when I was shaken again
The other day,
my youngest child had a fever,
and I was nursing them at home for several days.
Although they were relatively calm during the day,
by the evening, my youngest would get cranky,
crying,
screaming,
and that
state continued.
A few days into nursing them,
compounded by my usual sleep disorder,
I think I was quite exhausted.
Finally, I reached my limit
and my own thread snapped.
Unable to endure my youngest child's tantrum,
I became emotional
and raised my voice.
Once I calmed down,
I knew that getting emotional wouldn't solve anything.
It could even leave emotional scars on my child,
I knew that possibility existed.
Even though I knew that,
I was very disappointed
in myself for becoming emotional.
“I don't want to be this kind of mother…”
Thinking that,
I felt distressed,
and tears started falling in front of my children.
My youngest child cried themselves to sleep,
and my eldest child,
quietly watched me,
and then,
slowly came to my side.
◾️ My eldest child's words
At that moment,
my eldest child came to me
and said this:
“If you're feeling down, call me anytime, okay?”
“I'll give you some energy!”
And then,
“Mom, you're not a failure at all.”
“Because the food you make is so delicious😊”
They said that with a smile.
I was truly
surprised.
And,
tears came out again.
But, slowly,
I could feel the stormy waves in my heart
becoming calm once again.
◾️The feeling of being saved
As a parent, I thought of my children as
“beings that must be protected.”
Of course,
that hasn't changed even now.
But,
my older child was different that day.
They tried to help me.
My older child also used to have
terrible tantrums,
and my spouse and I worried about it many times, but
I was truly happy that they had grown into such a
kind, resilient, and thoughtful child.
With the words my older child said to me,
I felt as if I myselfwas being saved.
I instinctively said,
“I love you so much,”
“Thank you so much for everything,”
and when I gave my older child a big hug,
they said, “Hey, you’re squeezing me too hard!”
Although they said that,
my older child also smiled very happily.
◾️Parents are also being raised
When raising children,
you tend to have
the feeling that you “must raise them.”
But,
looking back,
I feel that I, the parent,am often the one being raised
by my children.
I am taught kindness,
taught to be honest with my feelings,
and taught how to love myself.
It was the same this time.
I was helped by my older child,and my heart was protected.
There are still many difficult things,
but it was a moment where I realized once again
how truly glad I am
to have met my children.
◾️Things I think about on a day I don't want to forget
Raising children while recovering from illness means
there are days when I can't control my feelings well,
and days when I dislike myself.
Even so,
when I receive unexpected words from my children like this,
it makes me want to keep moving forward.
I will surely never forget the words my older child said to me that day, and
I don't want to forget them.
And,
someday when my children are feeling down,
I want to tell them the same thing in return.
"It's going to be okay."
"You can call me anytime."
I'll say.
◾️Conclusion
I am still
in the middle of walking step by step on the road to recovery.
I am recording the process of my mental recovery since taking a leave of absence,
my casual days with my family, and my life
in my "Yuru-log" and
my short "Yuru-memo" posts.
I plan to continue
slowly,
and leisurely
writing down the record of my heart while I am in the middle of recovery.
If you would like,
whether you are someone
who feels the same emotional fluctuations as I do,
or someone who is gently watching over me,
I would be very happy
if you would drop by again.🕊️
See you again.
waato