The answers are still a long way off. Even so, I want to believe in the future | Yuru-log #22
Hello.
I am waato, a working mom of two currently on leave due to adjustment disorder.
waato.
Recently,
An encounter that left an impression on me
gave me an opportunity to think about my future life.
This time, I would like to look back on that a little.
I would be happy if you could read this at your leisure. ☕️
◾️ An extraordinary man
An encounter that left a deep impression on me.
It was with an interior decorator I met during the process of building our house.
However, that person was an "extraordinary" interior decorator.
He was someone who had truly experienced various jobs in Tokyo, including architecture, design, and sales.
But what attracted me was not his experience or background,
but his "current calm expression."
That interior decorator, while maintaining a calm expression,
even if there were failures or painful times,
even so,
he was living a life true to himself,
and he was able to feel that he was happy now.
He told me this.
◾️ A gentle expression
I cannot tell you the details, but that person
had lived a "tumultuous" life,
and he was already someone with a "philosophical outlook on life."
That interior decorator was smiling, funny, and although his hands never stopped moving,
he had a certain composure.
He didn't seem to be in a rush.
He was a person with a mysterious sense of security.
Just by looking at his "gentle expression,"
I thought, "Ah, this person must have overcome many things."
That is what I felt.
And,
for some reason,
even though we had just met,
I found myself talking about all sorts of things.
That I am on a leave of absence.
How I want to live my life
from here on out.
My anxieties about the future and how I work.
I wondered, "Why am I talking so much about this...?" but,
even so, for some reason
but, for some reason
"It might be okay to talk about it."
Strangely, that is what I felt.
◾“Golden words” I don't want to forget
In the midst of that,
that person
said something like this to me.
"Life is mysterious, and
there are times when I think,
'Maybe it was all pre-arranged to happen this way.'"
"The necessary encounters and experiences
come when they are needed."
"You are still in the middle of it.
But surely,
when you look back later,
you will come to understand,
'Ah, so that is what that meant at the time.'"
While installing the curtains in my home,
they smiled and said that to me.
◾Words that resonated with me
When I heard those words,
they resonated with me deeply.
Actually, I myself have experienced several times in the past that
“events I thought were hopeless
turned out, when looking back later,
to be the catalyst that
greatly improved my life”
through my own personal experience.
That is precisely why
“even if you don't understand the meaning now,
it may connect later”
was a feeling that
might have been within me somewhere.
When I talked about that,
the interior decorator
“People who have had that experience even once will be fine”
said to me.
Those words
became like a
“small charm” that I can remember whenever anxiety shows its face.
◾My doctor's words were the same
Actually,
a little before I met that interior decorator,
I had also told my doctor
about a period when a series of misfortunes piled up all at once.
Then my doctor
“Right now, it's just a streak of black Othello pieces.
When a white one finally appears, everything will flip over,
and you will surely be able to think,
‘Ah, so that's what this was all about.’”
they told me.
Thinking about it now,
both the interior decorator and my doctor
were saying similar things.
Perhaps because of that,
“Ah, I'm sure this is fine for me”
Like this,
Strangely,
I was able to accept it easily.
◾The answers are still a long way off, but...
I am stilla person "in the middle of the journey."
So, I haven't reached the state my doctor described as
"a state where all the black Othello pieces turn white," and I am still searching for the path I should take.
But,
Taking a leave of absence,
the series of misfortunes,
and all the various experiences I've had so far
when I look back on them someday,
"they were all connected properly"
"ah, I'm glad"
I want to believe in a "future" where I can think that way.
Through my encounter with a mysterious interior designer and my dialogue with my doctor,
I feel like I've started to be able to
think about the "future" I haven't seen yet,
little by little.
◾️Conclusion
I am still
in the middle of walking the path to recovery, one step at a time.
I record the process of my heart's recovery since taking leave,
my casual days with my family, and my daily life
in my "Yuru-log" and
my short "Yuru-memo" posts.
I plan to continue
writing down the record of my heart while it is in recovery
slowly,
and at my own pace.
If you'd like,
whether you are someone who feels the same emotional fluctuations as I do,
or someone who is quietly watching over me,
I would be very happy
if you could drop by again🕊️
Until next time.
waato