How to Overcome the Contradiction Between Current 'Acceptance' and Future 'Growth'

Since becoming a manager, I have been grappling with a constant contradiction.

The more I want to help my subordinates grow, the more I end up sending the message that “you are not enough as you are now.”

On the other hand, people feel secure and gain the courage to take on challenges when they are accepted.

Are these two things contradictory?

Recently, I have begun to see an answer to this question in my own way.

I reflect on my actions almost every day.

“Was that the right way to say it today?”
“Could I have communicated it differently?”

I repeat this kind of reflection over and over.

Even among these, there is a habit I find hard to break.

I have a strong desire to help people grow.

I want my subordinates to acquire more effective tools than they have now.

I want them to be able to enjoy their work more.

I want them to be able to play a more active role.

I thought it was natural for a manager to think that way.

However, one day, it suddenly occurred to me.

The more I express my desire for them to “grow,” am I actually telling them that “you are not enough as you are now”?

Pointing out areas for improvement.

Communicating the next challenge.

Expressing expectations that they can do more.

Each one is well-intentioned.

However, the more you repeat them, the less the message of validation—that 'you have value as you are now'—comes across.

Since realizing this, I have consciously made an effort to increase validation.

Even so, when I act unconsciously, I find myself speaking only words that urge growth again.

Why can't I fix this?

While thinking about the reason, I noticed a contradiction.

'I want you to grow more than you are now.'

This phrase leads to denying the present.

On the other hand,

'I want to validate who you are now.'

This is about affirming the present.

I had thought that these two were incompatible.

That is why I could not change my behavior.

However, recently, the way I see this contradiction has changed a little.

Validation and growth are not in conflict; they just have different time axes

I had been thinking of 'validation' and 'growth' as opposing concepts.

But in reality, that was wrong.

These two simply have different time axes.

Validation is,

'You have value right now, just as you are.'

is a message to the present.

On the other hand, growth is,

'You have more potential.'

a message to the future.

Accepting the present and

believing in future potential are not inherently contradictory.

What was contradictory was my own perception.

Growth is not 'filling in the gaps'

Furthermore, I realized another assumption I held within myself.

Unconsciously, I

'thought that growth is filling in the gaps.'

That is why I end up looking for areas for improvement.

I see what is not being done first.

However, there is another way to look at it.

'Growth is expanding possibilities.'

It is.

Not about the lack, but about making the value you already possess even greater.

When this perception changes, the way you speak to subordinates also changes.

Instead of saying,

'You are lacking here.'

Instead of that,

“You could make even more use of this strength.”

is what it becomes.

Even when encouraging the same growth, the message the other person receives changes significantly.

I had also been layering my own sense of purpose onto that.

And, there is one more thing I was made to realize this time.

I felt my own sense of purpose by helping others grow.

Of course, it is not malicious.

Seeing someone grow is truly a joy.

However, if that desire is too strong, it can turn into a strain to 'make them grow' before you even realize it.

From the other person's perspective, that can sometimes be conveyed as pressure rather than expectation.

That is why, lately, I have been trying to pose one question to myself.

“Did I find one value in this person today?”

Only after answering that question,

“Was I able to make a suggestion to further develop that value?”

I think about that.

The order was reversed.

It is not about approving them so that they grow.

It is because they are approved that people can grow with peace of mind.

Not eliminating the contradiction, but moving forward while carrying it

This realization does not mean the contradiction has completely disappeared.

Even so, I feel more capable than before of moving forward while carrying this contradiction.

I have been thinking lately.

The world is full of contradictions.

Leaders must balance:

'Kindness' and 'strictness'

'Delegating' and 'managing'

'Approval' and 'growth'

They make decisions while holding both of these opposing elements, rather than choosing just one.

Maturity is not the ability to eliminate contradictions.

I believe it is the ability to continue searching for better answers while still holding onto those contradictions.

I, too, am still in the process of learning this.