I just want my children to live.
I have a younger sister who is more than 12 years younger than me.
My sister...
Once, starting in the fifth grade of elementary school...
she became unable to go to school.
Just like adults...
children also have hearts and bodies.
Days when they don't feel like going to school.
Days when they don't feel quite well physically.
Relationships with other children...
There are countless different hearts and
bodies...
I think my sister, with her small heart at the time,
blamed herself for not being able to go to school...
My father
"You have to go to school."
he would say.
My father was born about 10 years after the end of the war, I think?
I imagine it must have been truly difficult for him
to let go of those rigid ideas.
Every time I saw my sweet, much younger sister
unable to go to school,
with her pale face,
my heart would ache,
and I would wonder
if my father's way of thinking
was really correct.
Of course, I also felt anxious about the fact that
my sister couldn't go to school from elementary school on.
I was worried about her future.
But more than that, the sight of my sister's pale face
was always before my eyes,
and I couldn't find the meaning
of school for her—
the school she was trying so hard to go to.
My younger sister started visiting a child psychiatrist and
ended up being hospitalized.
After that, my father, who was supposed to be
smart and strict, said to me and my sister,
“It’s enough just to watch TV
and laugh.”
That is what he said.
I think these words were an expression
of my father’s wish that it is enough
for a child just to be alive, and if possible, to be laughing.
I think it was an expression of my father’s
feelings.
Not only did I feel relieved, but I also
never expected such words to come from my father,
so even though it was nearly 20 years ago,
I still remember it.
My father let go of his
rigid way of thinking.
I think this must have taken a lot of
courage for him as well.
But I believe my father found something
even more important than that.
It is the wish for his child to simply live.
I think my father, too, while worrying
every time he saw his dear child (my sister) in pain,
gradually came to think this way
little by little.
I think the path to reaching that feeling
must have felt endlessly long
for my father.
But from then on, the tense atmosphere
in our home, that heavy atmosphere,
became gentle.
It was around that time...
that my sister began attending the school infirmary
at junior high school.
Despite the worries of her parents and sisters,
she attended a truly free private high school,
and although it was by the skin of her teeth,
she graduated.
This is my younger sister's pace, and
I believe that for children, there are as many
different paces as there are children.
My child
right after birth
was admitted to the NICU.
The life of my child
that almost slipped away...
I just wanted my child to live,
that was all I thought about.
I still carry that feeling from back then,
along with the shock of my child being admitted to the NICU.
And from now on, along with
the deep shock of that time,
this feeling of "I just want my child to live..."
will never fade away...
Sometimes, it is only when we are about to lose something
that we finally realize
what is truly important.
When fathers and mothers
first held their own child,
they simply rejoiced
that their child was born into this world,
and I believe they simply wished
for that tiny, helpless newborn
to just live.
Even as my child grows up,
I hope they never forget
the precious feeling of"I just want my child to live..."
that I had when they were born.
I hope this feeling of mine
reaches adults as well.
"I just want you to live."
I feel the same way
I believe it is a precious sentiment
Thank you for reading,
thank you🐱