The more you want to change yourself, the more you are denying who you are now

Introduction

"I must change more."
"I am not good enough as I am."
"I have to try harder."

Have you ever felt that way?
There are moments in both work and life when you want to change yourself.

I want to grow more.
I want to have more confidence.
I want to live more freely.
I want to achieve better results.

That feeling is very important.

Being able to think "I want to change" is also proof that you are trying to move forward.

However, today there is one thing I would like you to pause and consider.

What is the reason you want to "change"?

The flip side of "I must change more"

"I want to change myself"

When you hear just these words, it feels positive.

But deep down,

・The current me has no value
・The current me is not enough
・I am no good as I am

These feelings are sometimes hidden.
If that is the case, you need to be a little careful.

Because,

if you try to change by using self-denial as your energy, it is difficult to feel satisfied no matter how far you go.

Even if you achieve one goal, you think, "I should be able to do more."

Even if you get the next result, you think, "It is still not enough."

Even if you are recognized by someone, you think, "I must be recognized more."

That is what ends up happening.

And then, you end up thinking again, "I'm not good enough as I am."

With this approach, you will never reach a finish line.

"Growth" and "Self-denial" are different

This is a very important point.

I don't mean to say that "there is no need to change yourself."

It is okay for people to change.

It is okay to grow.

It is okay to try new things.

It is okay for today's you to be a little further ahead than yesterday's you.

However, I want you to adopt the mindset of "moving in a better direction while understanding who you are now"
rather than "changing because you are not good enough as you are."

These two things may seem similar, but they are completely different.

The former starts with denying yourself. The latter starts with accepting yourself.

The person you are now did not just appear suddenly

Please take a moment to look back on your life so far. The person you are now did not just appear suddenly today.

Everything you have experienced until now.

・Things you failed at. ・Things you worked hard at. ・Things you gave up on. ・Times you were helped by someone. ・Times you helped someone. ・Times you were happy. ・Times you felt frustrated.

Each and every one of those things has piled up to make you who you are today.

Of course, there may be times when you think, "I was immature back then."

You might even regret things, thinking, "I wish I hadn't done that."

However, including those experiences, this is who you are right now.

Therefore,

there is no need to deny your past self entirely to create your future self.

Do not make your "current self" your enemy

When trying to change yourself, something you surprisingly often do is
make your current self your enemy.

・It is bad that I am lazy.
・It is bad that I cannot take action.
・It is bad that I have a weak will.
・Try harder.

That is how you keep saying harsh words to yourself.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to motivate yourself.
But if you keep scolding yourself all the time, you will get tired.

If a child were worried about something,

you would surely not say, "You are no good."

You would say,
"What is wrong?"
"What happened?""Shall we think about it together?"

Wouldn't you speak to them like that?

If so, wouldn't it be okay to treat yourselfin the same way?

"Why can't I do it?" instead of "Why didn't I do it?"

For example, suppose you couldn't continue something.
"I have a weak will." You can think that way.
But let's change the question a little.

"Why couldn't I continue?"

Perhaps you were busy with work.
Perhaps you were sleep-deprived.
Perhaps the goal was too big.
Perhaps it wasn't something you really wanted to do.
Or perhaps you were afraid of failing.

When you think about it this way,

the conclusion of "I am no good" changes to the perspective of
"Perhaps there was a reason for me."

This difference is very significant.

When you understand yourself, the way you change also changes

When you are denying yourself, you think, "I need to try harder."

However, when you try to understand yourself, you start to think,
"How can I keep this up without overdoing it?"

For example,

I can't study for an hour every day.
↓
"I am no good."

Instead of that,

"Maybe one hour is impossible with my current lifestyle."
↓
"Then, how about 10 minutes?"

In this way, it turns into a small step.

This is,

not "changing yourself," but "changing how you interact with yourself"

I believe that is what it means.

The more you compare, the more you dislike your "current self"

There is another major cause for denying yourself.
That is comparison.

When you open social media,

・People who are successful.
・People who seem to enjoy their work.
・People who earn income from side jobs.
・People who have achieved their dreams.

The images of such people come into your view one after another.

Then,

・I haven't accomplished anything.
・I am falling behind.
・I must try harder.

You end up thinking these things.

But, you must not forget.
What you are seeing is only a "part" of the other person's life.
That person also has,

・Time when they are worried.
・Time when they have failed.
・Time when they are lost.
・Hardships they do not show.

Yet, you end up comparing your own reality only with the "visible parts" of others.
It is only natural that you would feel at a disadvantage this way.

If you are going to compare, compare with your yesterday's self.

Instead of comparing yourself to someone else, why not look at who you were yesterday?

・I was able to study 5 minutes more than yesterday.
・I went to bed a little earlier than yesterday.
・I was able to say something today that I couldn't say yesterday.
・I couldn't do anything yesterday, but today I managed to take one action.

That is enough.

Life does not need to change drastically every single day.

Accumulating small changes is also a form of admirable growth.

Please take a moment to think about this today.

Let's ask three questions here.

1. Why do I want to change myself?

Don't just think about "wanting to be more successful"; try to consider the feelings deep down inside as well.

2. What is something I can say to my current self, like "you are doing a great job"?

It doesn't matter if it's something small.

I am continuing to work.

I am supporting my family.

I am waking up properly every day.

I am trying to look forward even while struggling.

That, too, is something admirable.

3. If I could do just one thing to be kind to my current self, what would it be?

Go to bed early.

Take a little break.

Eat something you like.

Talk to someone about it.

Stop doing one thing you don't have to do.

Anything is fine.

Before "changing," try "accepting."

When you think you want to change yourself, before you ask, "What should I change?"

try asking yourself, "What kind of person am I right now?" instead.

The good parts.
The weak parts.
The parts that are lost.
The parts that aren't quite there yet.

Include everything, and try to acknowledge just once: "This is who I am right now."

You can start from there. Accepting yourself is not the same as giving up.
It is also not the same as doing nothing and saying, "I'm fine just the way I am."

Rather,
it is precisely because you know your current self correctly that you can choose your next step.

That is what I believe.

Your future self is not the enemy of your current self

"A more grown-up version of me"

"A more confident version of me"

"A version of me living more freely"

When imagining such a future self,
you might sometimes feel like you are leaving your current self behind.
But in reality, that is not the case.
Your future self is on the same continuum as your current self.

Today's experiences.
Today's failures.
Today's small steps.

Everything is connected to the future.

Therefore,
instead of denying who you are now to reach the future, you should bring your current self along as you move forward.

In conclusion

"I want to change myself."

Being able to think that way is a wonderful thing.
Please cherish that feeling.
However, I would like you to check your starting point just once.
Is it, "I want to change because I am not good enough as I am now"?
Or is it, "I want to move a little further forward while understanding who I am now"?

Even if the "want to change" is the same, if the starting point is different, the way you progress will also change.

You don't have to blame yourself.
You don't have to deny your past self.
You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else.
Know who you are now.
Accept who you are now.

And then, move beyond that.
I think that is fine.

Changing is not about discarding who you are now.
It is about understanding who you are now and moving beyond that.

You don't have to be impatient.
You don't have to rush.

You have your own pace.
Please try choosing just one small step you can take today.
When you look back someday, that step might

"This is where I started to change"

lead to a day when you can think that.

Today, too, take a step toward the future.

VISION STRIDE

VISION STRIDE is a place where we think about life together with people who have thoughts like:
"Is it okay to stay like this?"
"I want to live true to myself."
"I want to change something."

There is no single correct answer to life that applies to everyone.
That is precisely why you think for yourself, choose for yourself, and create your own unique answer.
I will continue to provide "triggers for thought" to help you do just that.