What I Let Go and What I Gained [Day 600]

For the past few days, I've been feeling restless, knowing that day 600 was approaching.
And today, I have officially reached 600 days of daily updates.
I feel like I say this every time, but honestly, I never imagined on the day I started that I would still be writing 600 days later. Even now, there's a part of me that looks at it like it's someone else's business, thinking, 'Wow, you really kept at it.'

Looking back, I feel like these past 100 days have been a time of facing 'what I cannot do' and 'saying no.' Where I would have just smiled and kept quiet in the past, I took the plunge and acted. It was incredibly painful, the cost was high, and I can't say I'm fully recovered yet.

However, I learned that there are things that won't be understood unless you say them, and that there is a world of difference between not being able to say something and choosing not to. The same goes for the distinction between being kind and being a pushover.
Before I knew it, I had been offering people convenience instead of kindness. I am very proud of myself now for realizing that and for crawling my way out of that situation.

Just as good and bad sides are two sides of the same coin, the parts of me considered strengths can sometimes be used and exploited. I want to make sure I don't forget that. And I also want to remember to maintain firm boundaries within myself and interact with others with a resolute attitude.

On the other hand, there were things I gained by not saying no.
I feel that if I had backed away there, I would never have been able to connect with them again. Perhaps what mattered most was that I was able to face my own heart and decide to move forward, rather than worrying about what others might say.
Thanks to that, I was able to avoid losing something I had once lost all over again. I want to cherish what I gained here for a long time to come, and I feel like it was a moment where I discovered a part of myself.

And actually, just before reaching 600 days, I started challenging myself with something new.
Once I find a more comfortable way to approach this, I hope to write about it on Note sometime.

For now, my goal is to focus on my health and to keep writing while staying physically and mentally well so that I can reach day 700.

To everyone who reads my work,
The fact that you read my posts, and that you give me 'likes' and comments, is a sincere source of encouragement for me.
Thank you so much, always.
I would be happy if you would continue to watch over me warmly.

2022.09.03