I Can Now Think of a Few Reasons Why Counseling Didn't Make Me Feel Better
Yuri had been receiving counseling for
five years, from eight years ago until three years ago.
The topics she discussed were:
・I feel like my sense of distance from others is strange
・I worry about what others think of me
・I don't know how to interact with people
・Worries about raising children
Every time, she talked about the things she was struggling with at that moment.
Once she realized she had a developmental disability, the goal was to manage that.
The counselor taught her coping methods she could use on the spot.
"In situations like this, you should behave this way."
"You don't need to worry about that so much."
There were also words that Yuri needed at the time.
But, looking back now, I think.
What Yuri really wanted to know wasn't just how to deal with things in the moment.
"Why do I care so much about what other people think?"
"Why do I blame myself so much?"
"In the first place, what do I actually think of myself?"
It was about something more fundamental.
What led Yuri to graduate from counseling was Nari Psychology.
In Nari Psychology, not just the surface-level worries,
"Why do I feel that way?"
"Where did those values come from?"
I will delve deeper into that part.
In Yuri's case,
what kind of values did she receive from her parents?
Are those values causing her current suffering?
It was necessary to look at that.
However, this could not be done just by having someone give me the answers.
I needed time to open a notebook and think for myself.
I needed to look back at past events.
I needed to observe my relationship with my parents not just as emotions, but as facts.
Sometimes, Yuri would ask her parents directly about the past.
A daughter in her late 30s asking her parents in their 60s about the past.
From the parents' common sense, it was a strange act of "digging up such old things now."
By asking her parents directly,
it became clear how divergent Yuri's and her parents' memories and perceptions were,
and how clueless her parents were.
Even in her late 30s,
Yuri didn't realize it until she checked with her parents directly.
The values Yuri received from her parents,
the evaluation of Yuri by her parents,
that in itself
was apparently not normal!?
Yuri had always thought her parents were strange.
But somewhere along the line, she had treated them as normal.
The reality was much, much, much, much, much, much stranger.
That is why Yuri
Ever since Yuri was old enough to understand
it was ingrained in her
and based on that
it grew within her
I needed to completely destroy the worldview and outlook on life that had developed inside me once and for all.
Then, this time
it wasn't enough to just face my notebook alone,
I needed to find someone on the outside
who possessed decent values,
ask them, "What are decent values?"
and receive that guidance.
After destroying my values,
even in my late 30s,
it was like I was a small child
who hadn't learned anything about life,
and I realized that
I was riding a bicycle with training wheels, feeling nervous,
and gradually taking the training wheels off.
That was the feeling.
I think counseling has that roleto play.
Having someone listen to you when you are struggling.
Organizing your feelings.
Thinking together about ways to get through the present.
It can be an important source of support.
But I realized it's not a place to be dependent on
at the same stage
for 5, 10, 15, or even 20 years.
Life is only 80 years long, so
staying stuck in the same place
is such a waste of time!!
In order to make big changes in life,
you need time to observe yourself, think, and change your actions.
And sometimes, you also need to hear honest, harsh words.
If I hadn't encountered Nari Psychology,
Yuri might still be,
saying things like, "My neighbor said this to me today,"
or "My therapist said this to me today,"
and continuing to seek advice about such things forever.