The Triple Threat of Negativity, Optimism, and Pride Common in Unpopular Men

I used to be, rather than just unpopular, adeeply troubled unpopular guy.
And I wasn't even aware of it.

・The assumption that "I'm probably not good enough anyway"
・But somewhere in my heart, a strange optimism that "I should be able to date normally too"
・Yet my pride gets in the way, keeping me from taking action

──Thinking about it now, it was atriple afflictionof negativity, weird positivity, and useless pride.

In terms of Jump characters, it was like a mix of
"Obito" and
"Sasuke, who wanted to believe he was special" and
"Bakugo, who explodes if he isn't acknowledged".

...No, actually, that's the most troublesome type.

But aren't there a lot of people like this?

・Keeping distance from romance while still expecting something somewhere
・Getting immediately negative after being treated a little coldly, thinking "I knew it wouldn't work"
・And sometimes feeling annoyed at the sight of someone else's happiness

This was all me in the past.

In this note, I've summarized those"troubled unpopular guy" tropes,
based on the three points of negativity, optimism, and excessive pride.

I'd be happy if you could laugh and say, "Oh, that's so true..." while also thinking, "Maybe this isn't great for me..."

Why do troubled unpopular guys tend to have this triple threat?

"The reason romance isn't going well?"
If it were the old me, I would have answered like this.

But deep down, I actually knew.
The reason I wasn't popular wasn't my environment, butthe thought patterns inside myself.

The true nature of "negativity" is just being a coward

For example, when a LINE message is left on read.

Normal person: "Maybe they're busy."
Troubled unpopular guy: "Did they hate me? Did I say something weird?"
→ Conclusion: "I'll stop sending LINEs. If that's how they feel, fine."

...I was just scared, wasn't I?
Scared of getting hurt → Don't act → End up unpopular → Self-loathing
This loop feeds negative thinking.

For some reason, weird positivity also coexists

It's strange, but men who struggle with dating aren't just negative; they also come with a set of
mysterious optimism, like 'Well, I could get a girlfriend if I really wanted to.' as well.

This is likely an excuse for their own inaction.
They maintain their reason for not taking action by telling themselves they just haven't tried their best yet.

I was often in a state like Killua from 'HUNTER×HUNTER'.

It's not that they have 'high pride,' they just don't want to be broken.

I used to think, 'If I fail at romance, my value will disappear.'
Because I thought that way, I wouldn't take on challenges to avoid getting hurt.

But deep down, there's a desire to actually be recognized.
Yet, the feelings of 'it's embarrassing' or 'what if I fail' end up winning.

For example,
the moment Goku, who thought confessing was uncool, realizes he actually likes Chi-Chi a lot.
──No, maybe that's quite different.

But 'I'm scared to say I like you' is a feeling that runs quite deep for men who struggle with romance.

These three things—'negativity,' 'optimism,' and 'pride'—aren't just one or the other; they are usually
all tangled up at the same time.

Here are a few practical tips you can use.

Tips for breaking out of the 'tangled trio'

From here on, I'll talk a little bit about the
turning point that allowed me, a formerly tangled and unsuccessful man, to change.

First, try creating a voice of reason inside your heart.

Tangled thinking is a state where you're having a one-person meeting in your head and concluding it yourself.

For example,

Just having another version of yourself to challenge those thoughts will significantly reduce the emotional spiral.

In psychology, this is close to 'metacognition'.
It's the feeling of broadening your perspective by thinking about your own thoughts.

Try stepping off the 'win-lose game' of romance.

“I worry about the speed of replies in LINE conversations.”
“I feel like I’ve lost just because I was left on read for a bit.”

──Do you ever feel this way?

But romance isn't about winning or losing, it's a measure of the relationship, isn't it?

Instead of thinking, “I couldn't hold a good conversation, so I’m worthless,”
try taking it lightly, thinking, “We just happened to be out of sync today.”

Just by shifting to this relationship-focused mindset, your self-esteem will become incredibly stable.

Let’s rewrite the definition of “unpopular” with our own hands.

It’s not that
not being liked by someone equals being unpopular,

the state of hating yourself is what truly makes you hopelessly unpopular is what I believe.

Conversely, people who value themselves and take action
naturally exude charm.

So first,
not hating yourself is extremely important.

You don't have to force yourself to be popular.
But, increase the moments where you can think, “Maybe I’m actually a pretty good guy.”

Even just doing that, you should feel like you can break out of the downward spiral.

What lies beyond the “three-piece set of being hopelessly unpopular”

Being unpopular isn't just a phenomenon.
By getting stuck in this mindset, a narrative that convinces you “I have nothing” begins.

But is that really true?

・You may seem negative, but in reality, there is a potential to be kinder to others than anyone else there
・You pretend to be optimistic, but deep down you are incredibly sensitive and serious at times
・Your high pride is also just because you just wanted to be properly recognized by someone

Behind the three-piece set of being hopelessly unpopular,
the “you who wants to be loved” is actually hiding.

If you notice that side of yourself, and
you can think, “Maybe I’ll try being a little kinder to myself.”

The end of being unpopular might be right around the corner.

If you’ve felt that you want to change...

Thank you for reading this far.

I'm sure there was a moment when you felt,
"This might be me."

And now, if even a tiny feeling has sprouted that
things might be bad if I stay like this...

I have compiled the rest of this in a paid note.

"The Unpopular Escape Manual: 10 Perspectives to Untangle the Assumptions of a Complicated Man" covers:

• The mechanism behind the "I'm no good anyway" mindset

• Common misunderstandings about distance with women and how to fix them

• A new way to face the version of yourself that can't take action

• Tips for interacting that you can start without strain

• A collection of practical, gentle thought-replacement exercises

...and more.

"I have no confidence in romance."
"I'm so complicated that I don't even understand myself."
This is a realistic manual for escaping unpopularity that I was only able to write because I was that kind of guy.

Please take a look if you'd like.