Are you mistaken about why her attitude is cold?

One day, you suddenly notice.
Her texts have become short.
She doesn't look you in the eye even when you meet.
Phone calls have decreased, and even when you talk to her, she just says "yeah" or "nothing much."

Did I do something?
Did she start to dislike me?
I'm being considerate, I'm being kind, and I'm making time for her, but...

And yet, why am I being treated so poorly?

I used to think the exact same thing.
I wanted to be liked by my partner, I was being considerate, and
I was trying my best to "do things right," but
for some reason, we were drifting apart.

And I would whisper this to myself in my heart.

"Was I wrong?"

But you know, I learned later on.

That "mistake" wasn't in my "actions," but in my "assumptions."

In this article,
I will talk about why "unappreciated love" happens,
the reasons that are hard to see, and the "three assumptions you should quietly let go of."

And what lies beyond that
might be the catalyst for changing from "chasing love" to "being chased in love."perhaps.

It might not be that she's cold, but just that she's "overwhelmed."

When you first started dating, she talked more, she laughed, and
you think, "She shouldn't be such a cold person."

But relationships are funny—
as the other person's capacity decreases, it's not their "true personality" that shows, but the "limit of their processing power."

For example, a slow text reply
might not mean "I don't care about you," but
just "I can't deal with that right now."

The moment you think, "Am I being treated poorly?"

One day, I went out to eat with my ex-girlfriend.
She said she was tired from work, so I was being considerate and stayed quiet.

But perhaps that atmosphere irritated her instead,
she suddenly got in a bad mood, started messing with her phone, and wouldn't even look at me.

Oh, so this is what it means to be "treated poorly"...

I thought, but when I asked a mutual friend later,
it turned out something happened at work that day that was enough to break her mentally.

...Wait, I didn't do anything wrong, did I? (lol)

A story about realizing it wasn't "malice," but "a lack of breathing room"

Her attitude at that time was not
coldness toward me, but a manifestation of her own inner struggle instead.

But I replaced it all with
“my own self-evaluation,” thinking I was being treated poorly or not valued.

Once that happens, your thoughts just start spinning in circles.

・I have to be kinder
・I have to do things right or I'll be disliked
・Am I not attractive enough?

That's what I thought.

But now I think,
what she needed at that time wasn't “kindness,” but “space.”

The one perspective common to “men who are cherished”

When you're treated poorly in a relationship, you tend to think only about “how to get them to like me.”

But “men who are cherished” are more sensitive to “how they treat themselves” than “how they are treated.”

Do you have a habit of thinking, “I'm just not good enough”?

For example—

・If a text reply is curt, you think, “I guess I really am boring.”
・If a date invitation is turned down, you think, “I'm just an afterthought.”
・If your worries are brushed off, you think, “I guess I'm not worth talking to anymore.”

...These were all the voices in my head in the past.

But you know, that wasn't something the other person said; I was just “assuming” it on my own.

Psychologically speaking, your “self-evaluation” determines how you are treated

In psychology, there is a concept called “mirroring,” and people unconsciously “mimic” how the other person treats themselves.

In other words, if you treat yourself poorly, the other person will do the same.

・Suppressing your own opinions
・Putting what you like on the back burner
・Trying too hard to accommodate the other person and getting exhausted

If you keep doing things like this, before you know it, you've placed yourself in a position where you're unlikely to be treated with care.

So, what should you do?

First, you need to believe for yourself that 'I am a person who deserves to be treated well.'

Just by doing this, your words and actions will gradually start to change.

・Even if you're turned down, you can naturally reply, 'OK, hope we can find a better time later.'
・Even if she's distant, you can imagine what's going on in her life, thinking, 'Maybe she's just overwhelmed today.'
・You'll be able to say, 'I'd prefer this today,' instead of always going along with her.

Just by doing that, your 'treatment' will change in a mysterious way.

If you've read this far,
you've surely been feeling the frustration of thinking, 'This isn't working,'
while still not knowing how to change things.

That is precisely why,in the next note, I want to share three more practical ways to let go of the 'limiting beliefs that keep you from changing.'I hope to deliver that to you.

To you, who blames yourself when faced with a 'cold girlfriend'

When we feel like we aren't being treated with care,
we tend to start doubting our own 'value.'

But in reality, the change in her attitude
is not evidence that your value has decreased.

The moment you felt, 'She seems cold,'
it doesn't necessarily mean you were at fault.

Perhaps she didn't have the emotional capacity,
or perhaps you were making yourself smaller than you are.

But either way,
there shouldn't have been any malice there.

That is why, when you take your next step,
I want you to choose a place where you can be 'the version of yourself that is truly valued,'
instead of 'the version of yourself that just goes along with others.'

If you've found yourself wanting to change...

If you've read this far,
you might be thinking this somewhere in your heart.

Then, what should I do to become a man who is chased?

For you,
in the next note,I have summarized the three limiting beliefs you should let go of to become a man who is chased.

Three limiting beliefs you should let go of right now to become a man who is chased

・Are you convinced that "being kind will make her like you"?
・Is "not wanting to be disliked" your primary concern?
・Do you believe too strongly that "romance equals effort being rewarded"?

...I have carefully written down perspectives and actions
to help you let go of those assumptions one by one.

Please feel free to read it if you'd like.