A method to ask yourself when you 'don't know which one to choose'

Introduction

"I can't move because I feel like I'll regret whichever one I choose."

I often see comments like this when it comes to decision-making.
And to be honest, there are moments when I myself get stuck in the same place.

Today, I wrote about a method to "ask (and let it be effective)" yourself when you "don't know which one to choose."

The harder you try to find which one is the "correct answer," the more confused you become.
You keep running simulations in your head, and only the anxious scenarios keep increasing.

At times like that, I
take a break from thinking about "which one is the correct answer,"

and ask myself what I am
"picking up" from this event right now?

I try changing the way I ask myself.

What I suddenly realized was that
life might be shaped more by "what you pick up" from what happens
rather than "what happens" itself.

There is both "pain" and "no pain" in everything

For example, when you are about to make a big decision.

• There is the "painful sensation" of anxiety making your chest ache,

• there is also a part of you that thinks "I'm actually looking forward to this" somewhere,

• and in fact, there might even be a "place of relief" somewhere in your body.

When you look closely,
it feels like it's often the case that "both pain and no pain exist"
rather than "it's all absent / it's all present."

However, I feel that we don't receive all of that equally.

Unconsciously,

• there are some people who tend to only pick up the painful side.

• Some people find it easier to pick up the feeling that 'this is okay.'

And I think they often use those 'picked-up things' as material
to decide on their next choice.

That is why I feel that even when the events are the same,
the paths of our lives can sometimes diverge in slightly different directions afterward.

What determines what we pick up are our 'assumptions' and 'self-image'.

So, where do these habits of 'how we pick things up' come from?

What I think is that
our assumptions, self-image, and the belief that 'I am this kind of person'
might be quietly determining what we pick up.

For example,

• If you have the assumption that 'I'm the type who fails anyway,'
  you are more likely to pick up 'evidence of potential failure' rather than reasons why things might go well.

• If you have a strong belief that 'I must not be a burden to others,'
  you might only pick up on a slight clouding of the other person's expression
  and conclude, 'I knew it, it's my fault.'

On the other hand,

• A person with the self-image that 'somehow or other, I've always managed to get by'
  finds it easier to pick up 'points that seem okay' from the same events.

• A person who acknowledges that 'I am scared, but there is also a part of me that wants to try'
  can sometimes pick up the feeling of 'being excited' just as much as the anxiety.

If our assumptions and self-image are different,
I think the world we see and the things we pick up will also change.

I believe that the accumulation of this, before we know it,
creates a story that says,
'My life tends to follow this kind of flow.'

A small practice to try changing what you 'pick up' a little bit.

So, what should we do?

Even if someone suddenly tells you to "rewrite your entire premise,"
that is quite difficult, so...

I think it might be better to start with "a practice of changing just a little bit of what you pick up."

1. Consciously write down the "facts on the side that doesn't hurt"

When something happens, we first reflexively pick up the "painful side."
Since that is just a long-standing habit, it can't be helped.

But after that, it's okay to

• Elements that make you think, "This doesn't hurt" or "I feel a little relieved"

• Things that are going well

• Things that have changed

and dare to write them down on paper.

Even if you think, "There's no such thing,"
if you look carefully, you might find quite a few.

2. Go and look at "both" of your body's reactions

When you are lost in a decision,
or when you are frozen with anxiety.

Ask your body right there on the spot.

• When you think of this option,
  where does it feel tight or painful?

• Where does it loosen up a little, or feel relieved?

Don't just look at the "painful places,"
but also go and look at the "places that feel comfortable" or "places that feel lighter" together.

I think that is also a part of your "true feelings right now."

3. Once you notice your "usual way of picking things up," try picking up just one different thing

For example,

• If you always pick up only the "things you couldn't do," dare to "write down just one thing you were able to do properly today."
  

• If you always find yourself picking up on 'how others are feeling',
  try looking for 'the moments when you felt even a little bit more at ease today'.

Changing your underlying assumptions or your self-image itself
might take some time.

But if you just try changing one thing that you 'pick up on',
you might be able to start doing that today.

I believe that those small, accumulated efforts
will gradually soften your 'underlying assumptions'.

Perhaps life changes little by little depending on 'what you choose to pick up as you go'.

In life, both sides are always present.

• The painful side

• The painless side

• The reasons why things aren't going well

• And the sense that you can still keep moving forward

With all of these present,
which one are you picking up right now?

If today,
you notice yourself picking up only the 'painful side' as you always do.

Try picking up just one thing that is 'the painless side' or 'the side that feels a little bit easier'.

The accumulation of those small choices
might lead to the feeling that
'somehow, lately, I've become someone who can move forward a little better than before'.

Thank you for reading this far.

If you would like to look at your 'habits of choosing' not just from your body, but also from your 'words', please take a look at this as well.

'Actually, you've already chosen': The true feelings you can understand from your own words.

Let's move forward together.