Shun-hai Private Awards: Mini Commentary & Results Announcement
Hello, I am currently recovering from depression,
someone who has held haiku gatherings somewhere in Japan in the past,
and has a decent amount of knowledge about haiku,
I am Utsu-spi.
I am Starlight Utsu-spi-sensei.
Three months ago,
due to the regret of not being able to finish the comment replies and ranking announcement,
this time, I would like to do the commentary article and the results announcement at the same time.
(Though I thought that,
it has become highly likely that I will not be in a physical condition to reply to comments this time either.)
(I have no energy left.)
Now, let's move on to the unofficial awards!
22. Wind chime, spread along the souls
When I looked up how sound spreads,
a link from the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications came up.
https://www.soumu.go.jp/main_content/000674398.pdf
Sound, which is a change in air pressure around a small sphere that repeatedly expands and contracts, is transmitted to the surrounding air one after another and spreads in a 'spherical shape' like fireworks.
Spreading like a sphere is the basic principle, isn't it?
Perhaps it is 'poetry' because it uses an expression that deviates slightly from the basics.
There are many souls around the wind chime,
and it spreads along them; it is as if the sound of the wind chime has a will of its own.
The souls might include both the living and the dead.
I think the wind chime is so alive that it makes me feel that way.
I felt a story that perhaps if it were an aged wind chime, it might produce sound in that way.
75. Is orange the color of the devil? The Great Heat arrives
When you hear "color of the devil," what color comes to mind?
I suspect orange is not at the top of the list.
With this type of haiku,
the point of evaluation is whether the author's discovery is unexpected,
and whether there is a part that convinces the reader (to use a Pre-Battle style phrasing).
In this era of 2023, with summer temperatures rising,
the author's discovery of feeling that "orange is the color of the devil"
is conveyed to the reader with a sense of conviction.
Having watched over many summers,
this might be a haiku by someone who is a club advisor.
Feeling that the color orange is like the color of the devil—this is the author's discovery,
and I thought it was a wonderful haiku that captures the Japanese summer well.
124. Eating shaved ice with you, who are so whimsical
Perhaps "whimsical you" equals the shaved ice. That is how I appreciated it.
The various colors of shaved ice. The vivid colors on the ice.
Memories of playing with many colors on shaved ice also came back to me.
The author might be eating it while feeling that you are like shaved ice.
It is not just that I felt the scene of eating shaved ice,
but I chose it because the shaved ice itself started to seem like you.
125. An earring that left only a slight fever, the end of summer
It was a haiku that I felt was skillful upon first reading.
The balance between the phrases in the upper and middle sections and the seasonal word in the lower section is well-maintained.
The image of the end of summer as summer comes to a close,
and the earring that still holds a little bit of body heat, the heat of summer.
It seems like some kind of story can be seen.
What is that? When I thought about it deeply,
summer as a grand landscape came to mind.
Fun memories of summer, a story into which passion was poured. The distance of an earring worn on the ear, where that heat is just barely transmitted.
Thinking that summer is ending, leaving a slight fever on the earring,
I thought this discovery and way of depicting it were wonderful.
Perhaps this is a haiku like a message to Min-Hai.
*Even if not, it is a wonderful haiku that resonates with the image of a woman and summer.
145. The light of the day I ran barefoot at my grandmother's house
I also thought this haiku was skillful upon first reading.
Ending with "light" (hikari).
If one thinks too much about making "barefoot" stand out as a seasonal word,
I wonder if this way of ending with "light" would not be chosen.
Perhaps the evaluation from haiku poets who believe in depicting the moment might drop,
but I personally captured it as a scene linked to memories.
Standing in the hallway of my grandmother's house,
the "light" of the day I ran barefoot,
the "light" of the hallway I am looking at in my grandmother's house now,
transcending time with "light" as the axis,
I appreciated it as if it had transcended the era as the light of the day I used to run.
Since I personally tend to like haiku that evoke a sense of the interconnectedness of life, I thought this was a very lovely piece.
252. The wind dies, two thousand people waiting for the diva
This haiku depicts an outdoor concert, doesn't it?
The wind stops, and perhaps it feels as if it is waiting for the main act as well?
The number 'two thousand' really brings it to life.
It succeeds in making the reader visualize a concrete scene.
By choosing the seasonal word 'the wind dies,' it is a wonderful haiku that even conveys the heat of the moment.
259. Cicada chorus, the silence of the line waiting for the water truck
This is a little difficult to express.
(As there are people who have actually experienced disasters.)
I feel that rising summer temperatures and torrential rains at the end of the rainy season have become a common occurrence in Japan.
The contrast between the loudness of the cicada chorus and the silence of the line is something that evokes the image of the Japanese people well,
and I thought it was a beautiful haiku.
(I read '黙' as 'moda'.)
293. Summer vacation from the day I started Animal Crossing
Haiku poets place a great deal of trust in the power of association and imagination of seasonal words and individual words.
When you hear the word 'summer vacation,' the first things that come to mind—like homework, club activities, or how quickly it ends—tend not to be chosen because they are too close to the seasonal word itself.
(Itsuki Natsui refers to these as 'ordinary' expressions.)
And this applies not only to haiku written with the seasonal word 'summer vacation,' but to all seasonal words and expressions; things that are too obvious or are the first things that come to mind in a word association game tend not to be chosen.
Perhaps the haiku that are valued in the world today are those that go one step further,
beyond the common experiences that everyone thinks of,
and are written with that extra bit of courage.
This haiku is truly wonderful.
It uses the specific game name 'Animal Crossing'.
It is written in the author's own words.
Even the word 'Animal Crossing' itself,
if you were asked to choose one season that fits it,
I think it feels like 'summer'.
(*Even though it features various seasons, due to the deserted island setting.)
(*This is just my personal feeling.)
And isn't the phrase 'from the day I started' also lovely?
In reality, I think 'summer vacation is something that starts on a fixed date'.
You might have bought the game Animal Crossing to coincide with summer vacation.
Even so, your parents might say to you,
'You can't play Animal Crossing until you finish your summer homework.'
You work hard to finish your homework.
Many days of summer vacation have already passed.
When that happens,
'Summer vacation from the day I started Animal Crossing'
I felt that the reading matched the expression of every word in this haiku, starting with the idea that my summer vacation begins the day I start playing Animal Crossing!
And sometimes, the interpretation of this reader (me) differs from the author's intent.
That, too, is the joy of 17-syllable literature.
I'm not entirely sure if this is a haiku by an adult or a child, but
I thought it was a wonderful haiku!
309. Snails and a road lined with wet household goods
It is painful to talk about this haiku as well.
In 2023, various places across Japan were hit by heavy rain.
It depicts the scene skillfully.
The feeling of a road that is by no means clean also became visible.
And then, the snails.
I felt that the wish to recover little by little, like a snail, was also entrusted to this.
349. Raking and pushing through the fiery wind to the Budokan
I also read this as referring to the Nippon Budokan.
I think this haiku can be read in two ways.
First, an athlete heading to the Budokan.
And second, someone heading to a concert.
Both are wonderful, aren't they?
How should we interpret the phrase "raking and pushing through"?
It can be taken as the scene of pushing through the "fiery wind" itself, the dry, high-temperature wind that blows in summer.
Perhaps, as a clever touch by the author, the word was chosen to evoke the image of pushing through a crowd of people.
Personally, I pictured a single martial artist with a fighting spirit.
It is a wonderful haiku where you can even see their fighting spirit.
And it is a wonderful haiku that also depicts the heat of the modern day.
369. I want to go buy some talent, snail
This is a haiku that expresses thoughts straight on.
If only I had talent, too. How many times have I thought that?
Perhaps there are many people who think of themselves as snails.
It is read straightforwardly, and many people empathize with it.
More than that, as an individual,
the number of notebooks I've filled, or the number of haiku meetings I've attended,
I may have improved as a haiku poet,
but I still wanted talent.
That feeling of empathy was the reason I included this in the 12 haiku.
377. Tropical night, the cat has turned into liquid
At first glance, I thought, "No way!"
I think this is the power of this haiku.
After thinking "No way!", there is a strange sense of persuasion.
This is the power of poetry, and the heat of the modern day.
The definitive statement in this haiku is wonderful.
Instead of saying "it might become" or similar, it states it clearly and leaves it at that.
Of course, some readers might not accept it,
but I thought the decision to state it definitively was brilliant!
*If this is a description of an actual scene,
then perhaps there is a Japan I don't know somewhere out there. lol
Link for notification
Results Announcement
6th Place!
75. Is orange the color of the devil? The Great Heat arrives
Discovering the color of the devil in orange! This was a wonderful haiku!
The author is!
Daiki Shioda! All three of your haiku were lovely!
Thank you for your wonderful work!
5th Place!
22. Wind chimes, spreading along with the soul
The movement of wind chimes x soul,
a lovely haiku with a sense of expansion regarding sound and life, or perhaps the soul of the departed!
The author is!
Shien Satake! Thank you for your lovely haiku!
4th Place!
377. Tropical night, the cat has become liquid
This definitive statement was wonderfully charming!
Also, the heat that makes you think it has become real, which is unique to the modern era, was also a deciding factor!
The author is!
This haiku is wonderful!
If it were me, I would want to enter this haiku in some cat haiku contest!
※I believe that the cat was turned into a liquid with affection.
Just as humans use the metaphor 'it's so hot I feel like I'm melting,'
I interpreted the cat becoming liquid as an expression of affection as well.
Thank you for the lovely haiku!
3rd Place!
145. The light of the day I ran barefoot at my grandmother's house
This haiku uses light as its axis,
and it had the power to make you recall the history of your grandmother's house and your own history in an instant!
The author is!
2nd haiku, 'The light of the day I ran barefoot at my grandmother's house' (Sobo no ie hadashi de kaketa hi no hikari). This is a scene from my childhood when I ran around barefoot at my grandmother's house. As adults, we don't often enter someone's house barefoot, do we? My innocent and unreserved childhood days are far away, and my grandmother's house was also torn down last year.
That is what they said!
I am happy that the scene I saw, with light as the axis,
seems similar to the scene that Hakuka Hayashi wanted to depict♪
Thank you for the lovely haiku!
2nd Place!
293. Summer vacation from the day I started Animal Crossing
This is a wonderful haiku, isn't it!
The word 'Atsumori' (Animal Crossing) is also very modern!
The author is!
Daina-san's eldest son, Hibiking-san!
Summer vacation from the day I started Animal Crossing
Hibiking (Eldest son)
Animal Crossing: Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch)
You might be thinking, "Wait, Animal Crossing now?"
We don't have Animal Crossing in our house.
Our Switch journey started with Minecraft, then moved on to Mario Maker, Smash Bros., Monster Hunter... and we never really had a chance to buy Animal Crossing. Recently, however, after playing it at the home of a neighborhood friend who is my eldest son's best friend and gaming buddy, he suddenly became interested in it.
Indeed, Animal Crossing gives the impression of enjoying summer inside a cool house during a hot summer...! I feel like this conveys the atmosphere really well, even though I made it in an instant.
That's what I thought as a doting parent, but two weeks later, my eldest son said, "Actually, I'm good on Animal Crossing. I'm going to play Dragon Quest XI that Dad has," and started his hero's adventure. Since then, Koichi Sugiyama's music has been playing in our house almost every day after school.
His Animal Crossing summer vacation ended before it even began.
Is it a haiku written by an adult in earnest?
(*As a representative example of a haiku written by an adult in earnest about summer vacation,
Why am I not Fujiwara, summer vacation - by Shabi-san
and other such haiku appear.)
I wasn't sure if it was a haiku written by a child, but
it was a child's haiku, wasn't it!
The deserted island in the game "Animal Crossing" = the sense of liberation of summer
(What I felt)
If this were Dragon Quest or Smash Bros., I wouldn't have chosen it.
The phrase "from the day I started" leaves room for imagination—perhaps they finished their homework, or had a promise with their parents?
I also appreciated it as a haiku about an adult enjoying a moment of summer vacation while drinking soda!
It was a wonderful haiku!
The first place is!
125. Only a slight fever remains on the earring, the end of summer
I just felt it was skillful,
this haiku!
I thought that if you properly entrust your feelings to an object, this is how it turns out.
I thought it could also be read as a poem about the end of a summer romance, or perhaps the passion for the Everyone's Haiku Tournament,
and I decided to make this haiku the first place of the final tournament!
I thought it was a wonderful haiku that shows both skill and a glimpse of the author's passion!
The author was!
rira-san!
It was a wonderful haiku!
Quoted from the article
⭐️Only a slight fever remains on the earring, the end of summer
Around the time my daughter had her heart broken, there was dried blood around her earring, which looked strangely painful. Her words, "I'm okay," were also terribly heartbreaking. You're growing into an adult while still leaving the slight fever of love on your earring, aren't you?
Is it a haiku about a broken heart?
The expression "slight fever" suits summer perfectly; it was a truly wonderful haiku!
*I had read it as a farewell haiku for the Everyone's Haiku Tournament!
Wonderful, this is how you read by entrusting it to an object! It's a textbook-like haiku!
Thank you for a wonderful tournament!
We have other plans like net prints, so let's enjoy them!
(I cannot reply to comments!)
So, until next time, with love!