👤 I'm Utsuro Tabata. Welcome to this note, a 'place to vent' to lighten your heart

Hello everyone, nice to meet you!

I'm Utsuro Tabata, currently undergoing treatment for depression for the second time in my life.

My activity concept is 'Mental Health × Culture'.

This note is a place where I share 'hints to sublimate suffering and fill the void of loneliness' that I gained from my real-life experience of having depression and taking leave from work twice in my life and from the culture that saved me, such as music, movies, and games.

Thanks to that, I have become a 'thoroughbred of the depression world' that you rarely meet in society, and I am now able to be close to everyone's hearts (lol).

From this experience, there is one thing I felt most strongly during my treatment.

That is, 'There are surprisingly few places where you can vent your fuzzy feelings and frustrated true thoughts without bothering anyone.'

This note is for those who feel tired from such daily stress.

I will operate this note with the theme of being a 'place to vent' where I and everyone else can let out the 'fuzziness' and 'frustration' that have accumulated in our hearts.

Like director Hideo Kojima's 'DEATH STRANDING,' this is a place of 'connection' that fills loneliness, which is invisible but certainly exists.

💡 Content shared in this note (3 pillars)

What I aim for through this note is that 'your daily life will become a little lighter'.

I will share based on my honest real-life experiences, mainly focusing on the following three pillars.

【Pillar 1: The Reality of Systems and Treatment】What I learned from comparing my first and second experiences with depression

I will share without hiding the 'common occurrences of depression' and the 'reality of diagnosis and treatment,' such as my story of drawing a bad hand in the 'doctor gacha' and the story of losing hearing in one ear during my second onset. In particular, I will provide information that leads to everyone's 'peace of mind' by comparing my first leave of absence, where I saw hell with zero knowledge, and my second, where I was fully prepared.

● 🩺 Choosing a hospital/doctor: How to choose a good hospital and points to identify 'not-so-good doctors' unfortunately

● 💸 Barriers of the system: The 'invisible walls' faced when using systems such as injury and sickness allowance and medical support for self-reliance, and how to break through them

The battle against depression actually begins with choosing a hospital to decide 'where and who to fight with.' I myself had a period where I worried about the so-called 'doctor gacha' and despaired. But that experience gave me the 'discernment to protect my own heart.'

When I took time off for depression, what cornered me the most was 'anxiety about money.' When financial worries overlap when your heart is weak, you can't even rest. I have summarized the concrete steps of how I secured 'peace of mind' by knowing this system and proceeding with the procedures. First, let's start by preparing the equipment to fight.

【Pillar 2: Turning Point from Rock Bottom】'It's not a defeat, so take a break quickly!'

When I first developed depression, I tried too hard because I didn't want to 'lose,' and as a result, I worsened my symptoms.

That is precisely why there is something I want to tell you all loudly.

'It's not a defeat, so take a break already!'

● 🙅‍♂️ Reality: Face the cruel reality that 'no matter what happens to you, the company or society will not help you when push comes to shove.'

● ✅ Conclusion: The importance of not ignoring the warning (SOS) your body is sending, and giving yourself permission to retire.

In this pillar, I will share how to let go of the guilt of resting and the mindset needed to focus on treatment.

The most important thing I learned through my time with depression. That is that resting is neither 'running away' nor 'losing.' If you are currently running until you reach your limit, please stop for a moment and read this article.

[Pillar 3: Sublimating Frustrations] Tips for turning suffering into value through the power of culture

For me, music (Ichiro Yamaguchi of Sakanaction), movies, and games (Death Stranding) were not just entertainment, but emotional support during treatment and 'resources' to turn suffering into a contribution to others.

In particular, the way Mr. Yamaguchi sublimates his own experiences into his creative activities serves as a conceptual model for this project.

● Sublimation of suffering: Methods for amusingly sublimating the 'frustrations' of complex system usage and the loneliness of treatment into content.

● Rebuilding connections: Hints for overcoming loneliness by finding indirect 'connections' with strangers, as shown in 'Death Stranding'.

Based on my own experience of becoming depressed due to the accumulation of small frustrations I had suppressed in my daily life, I provide a 'place to vent' for those who are suffering in the same way.

The 'human connections' I value in my current activities. It was a certain game I encountered when I felt such loneliness that I couldn't take a single step that taught me the essence of that.
Even though I couldn't see anyone, I felt someone's warmth...
Please read the record where I wrote about that mysterious experience.

🤝 Finally: To a community of 'mutual aid' that fills the void of loneliness

What this note aims for is the worldview depicted in Director Kojima's 'Death Stranding'—a place of 'mutual aid' where we send 'likes' to the footprints (ladders and ropes) left by strangers and support each other indirectly.

By placing your 'frustrations' or 'irritations' here without bothering anyone, they may, in turn, become footprints that lighten someone else's heart.

Action pillar: 'I want to be someone who wishes for the joy of others and contributes to people and society'

Just as this pillar I value most states, I would be happy if this note could become a safe place where anyone can talk about the pent-up frustration in their hearts without worrying about those around them.

Please, tell me about your 'frustrations' or 'irritations' on X or in the comments section.

Let's 'vent' together!

📢 Listen to the real 'voice' of Utsuro Tabata

This note is a systematic and easy-to-understand text version of the episodes I broadcast on my podcast.

For my natural tone and humorous way of speaking that cannot be fully conveyed through text alone, please listen to the podcast. By listening, your heart should feel even lighter.

● 🎧 Click here for the Podcast (Spotify, Apple Podcasts, etc.)

● 📱 I am also on X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram! I would be happy if you followed me or shared your thoughts.

Thank you for reading today.

May your every day be a little lighter.