John's voice that resonated with me in eighth grade, the gap that brought light to a depressed office worker, and AKB that made me, in my late 40s, swoon: My life journey with music
#Passionately talking about my 3 favorite songs
Those were wild times... in junior high school back then. Bullying wasn't the insidious kind you see today; it was direct and spontaneous. Delinquent groups would call you over and say, 'Hey, go buy me some bread!' to use you as an errand boy, or worse, kick you out of nowhere as they walked by, or you'd see milk cartons thrown through broken classroom windows, splattering everywhere.
In elementary school, I thought I was popular because my grades were decent and I liked comedy, but once I entered the local public junior high, I started acting tough to avoid becoming a target for the delinquents. My studies suffered, my grades plummeted, and I was forced to realize that I was just 'average'.
During breaks and after school, I'd gather with other 'average' kids to get excited about The Beatles. There were a few Carpenters fans among the girls and Beatles fans among the boys in class. We didn't even have the term 'eighth-grade syndrome' back then, but we would talk about music and goof around in voices loud enough for everyone around us to hear.
One day, a guy who didn't usually join our Beatles discussions was listening to something on a portable radio-cassette player (a larger type that existed before the Walkman), which was still rare at the time. I was curious, so I called out to him, and he gave me a sly smile and handed me the earphones. 'Give it a listen,' he said.
The moment I put the earphones on, I was drawn into John's world from the intro. The phrase 'mind games together' left an impression, and even though I didn't really understand the meaning, I sensed he was singing about something incredibly grand, and it resonated deep within my core. I knew about the album John Lennon released,'Mind Games' (Japanese title: Nutopia Declaration), but I had been suspicious, thinking, 'Since it's John, maybe "Nutopia" has something to do with nudists?' so I wasn't very interested. Honestly, since I struggled to buy Beatles records with my meager allowance, I could barely manage to hear his solo songs on the radio, so I hadn't actively tried to listen to 'Mind Games'.
Suddenly hearing that song, I was shocked and begged him, 'Let me hear it again,' many times. Not only did I listen to 'Mind Games' over and over, but it seemed he had packed his favorites onto a cassette tape, and I remember listening to 'God' and 'Mother' from 'John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band' as well.
Something changed in me the first time I heard 'Mind Games.' I couldn't help but think about the greatness of John Lennon, who created countless masterpieces with The Beatles and still continued to depict his own worldview and create music—is music really capable of stirring a person's heart this much? And anyway, I decided, 'I have to do something too,' and aimed to break away from being 'average'.
I didn't study much in high school or college, but I got into the guitar and formed bands for fun. Once I entered the workforce as a salaryman, I grew to understand the difficulty of being 'average' and the gratitude of being able to live an 'average' life. The era shifted from analog records to CDs, the audio boom arrived, and I started buying my own stereo equipment and listening to jazz.
With The Beatles as my foundation, I listened to various genres of music, including hard rock (heavy metal), punk rock, reggae, jazz, and classical, but nothing relieved stress more than singing karaoke with friends at a snack bar after work. I often sang songs by Southern All Stars and Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi.
At work, my boss encouraged me, saying, 'You're a late bloomer,' and I eventually achieved a late promotion from a mid-level employee to a management position. However, due to a 'job rotation' where I experienced various roles, I was transferred to another department. I intended to work hard there, but after a few years, I was demoted back to my original department. I was in my mid-40s.
Demotions during transfers happen often, so it's just a matter of working hard again, but the culture shock came from seeing the reality that a 'staff system' had been introduced in those few years, where young people hired as staff were entrusted with the same work as regular employees for less than half the pay. It seemed they had moved to a 'staff system' while organizational reform (restructuring) was being called for as a social situation, but a few years later, it became a world where 'temp work' was the norm.
Watching the 'staff' working so hard, I worried, 'What am I doing? Am I doing work I can be proud of to them while earning several times their salary?' As I worried, I lost my motivation and fell into a depressed state. I wasn't diagnosed at a hospital, so I describe it as a 'depressed state,' but I felt nothing even when listening to the music I was supposed to love so much. I stopped wanting to listen to music on my own and realized, 'Ah, maybe this is depression.'
Even so, when I was watching TV with my family, I was saved by my children's laughter. I didn't stop listening to music entirely, as I would hear it on TV and the radio. What was popular around that time was Sukima Switch's new song,'Zenryoku Shonen'. The upbeat pop song, which sang, 'Lately, I've been all about work and can't even laugh anymore...♪,' sounded like it was encouraging me, and I felt as if a ray of light had shone through, thinking, 'Everyone is struggling and getting covered in mud just the same, and they are overcoming it.'
I changed jobs and started my own business just before turning 50. Although my depression was beginning to lighten, my heart still felt heavy when I thought about my income. I managed to get by with the understanding and cooperation of my family, but it was rare for my heart to feel truly bright.
At the time, AKB48 was enjoying a sudden surge in popularity. I felt energized whenever I watched these idols, who were about the same age as my own daughter, performing. I wasn't a hardcore fan; I just enjoyed watching them on TV, and I never bought CDs to get handshake tickets or voting rights for the general election.
As far as a stay-at-home fan like me could tell, the four or five years starting from the first 'AKB48 General Election' in 2009 seemed to be the group's peak. In particular, the 3rd General Election, where the vote-counting event was held on Thursday, June 9, 2011, was so exciting that even people who weren't fans were talking about it.
The day after Atsuko Maeda returned to the throne and got her revenge on Yuko Oshima, who had taken first place the previous year, the AKB48 selection members appeared on 'Music Station' (TV Asahi) to perform 'Shoujo-tachi yo' and 'Everyday, Katyusha.' It felt like the excitement was still lingering, and the performance had such a sense of presence that it is burned into my memory as the best performance I've ever seen.
In particular, the then-latest song 'Everyday, Katyusha' was a catchy pop song that many women sang at karaoke. The choreography on stage was also flashy, and the music video was made like a mini-drama starring Atsuko Maeda, but the more you chew on the lyrics, the more you realize it's a heartbreaking love song.
When I would listen to 'Everyday, Katyusha' casually as it played on the radio and imagine the scenes in the lyrics, my youth would come back to me and I would feel a 'mune-kyun' (heart-swooning) sensation. I looked up 'mune-kyun' and it was defined as 'an expression referring to a heartbreaking feeling that makes your chest tighten,' so I'm sure I'm using it correctly.
During my middle and high school years and my time at prep school, I didn't have the courage to confess my feelings to the girls I liked. I would just watch the girls I admired get prettier every summer, just as depicted in 'Everyday, Katyusha,' and those feelings would overlap, leaving me with a bittersweet ache.
In eighth grade, it stirred my heart and inspired me to think, 'I have to do this too.' After I became a working adult, it brought light to my heart when I was depressed, and now that I'm a middle-aged man in my late 40s, listening to the song makes me remember my youth and feel that 'mune-kyun' sensation. Just as it has been for half my life, it seems I will continue to live with music.
※Top image from Illustration AC 'Girl listening to music with headphones' (Author: Matsuko Matsumoto). Other images from Illustration AC 'Musician' (Author: PONTA777) and 'Idol' (Author: acworks)