Realizing You Are Enough — 4 Questions to Accept Yourself
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Those who struggle to face their own feelings
Those who always end up blaming themselves
Those who worry, "Is it okay for me to be just as I am?"
Those who want to boost their self-esteem
Introduction
Accepting yourself can be a very difficult thing, can't it?
Especially when worries deepen, it can become scary to face your own weaknesses and anxieties...
However, there are people who overcome such feelings and steadily cultivate their self-esteem.
They do not possess any special talents.
In fact, by accumulating small daily self-dialogues, they are gradually becoming able to accept themselves.
In this article, I will introduce four "self-dialogue methods" that people who have learned to accept themselves are secretly practicing.
These are all simple questions that anyone can do.
However, by continuing them, your mindset should change significantly.
1. Organize your confusion with "What am I feeling right now?"
Facing your emotions honestly is the first step toward self-understanding.
When you have lingering feelings of confusion, first try giving those emotions a name.
"I am feeling anxious right now," "I feel anger toward this situation."
By putting your emotions into words, vague feelings become organized.
At first, I couldn't put my emotions into words well. But as I continued every day, I began to understand my feelings more accurately, realizing things like, 'Oh, this isn't anxiety, it's actually sadness from disappointment.' When emotions become clear, ways to cope naturally become visible too. (28-year-old, office worker)
Tips for practice:
Make time to reflect on the day's emotions for just 5 minutes every day
Give your emotions specific names in the form of 'I felt...'
Adopt an attitude of observing without judgment
Keep an emotion diary to learn your emotional patterns
2. Ask yourself, 'What do I need right now?'
We are used to criticizing ourselves, but we are often not good at noticing our own needs.
However,knowing your own needs is very important for taking care of yourself.
When I'm tired or feeling down, I make it a point to ask myself, 'What do I need right now?' Do I need rest, do I want someone to listen to me, or do I need a change of pace? Since I started asking this question, I've been able to notice my true needs and stopped pushing myself too hard. (32-year-old, freelancer)
By knowing your own needs, you cultivate compassion for yourself.
Tips for practice:
Ask yourself this question especially when you are not feeling well
Don't rush if you don't get an answer; wait quietly
Value even small needs
Take small actions to meet your needs
3. Cultivate self-empathy by asking, 'What would you say to your past self?'
We tend to dwell on past failures and embarrassing memories, don't we?
However, having a perspective of gently standing by that past self fosters self-esteem.
'I used to blame myself whenever I remembered my failures. But one day, I thought, "If I could meet my younger self, what would I want to say to them?" The words "You did your best" came to mind. Since then, I've been able to accept myself more, including my past self.' (35-year-old teacher)
Empathy for your past self leads to kindness toward your present self.
Practical tips:
Ask this question especially about the past you don't want to remember
Acknowledge that your past self was doing the best they could
Speak to yourself with the same kindness you would use with a best friend
Try writing a letter to your past self
4. Cultivate a positive perspective by asking, 'Are there any small signs of growth or change?'
We quickly notice our flaws and shortcomings, but it's hard to notice our own growth and changes.
Focusing on small progress becomes the foundation of self-esteem.
'I used to push myself too hard, thinking "I'm still not good enough." Now, I set aside time once a week to look for "things I've grown or changed in this past week." Even if it's something small, noticing my own changes makes me realize that "I am growing little by little."' (30-year-old designer)
It is important to acknowledge small steps rather than aiming for perfection.
Practical tips:
Set aside 15 minutes once a week for a "self-growth check"
No matter how small, look for things you can do now that you couldn't before
Adopt the perspective of 'I have achieved this much so far' instead of 'I'm still not good enough'
Keep a growth journal to record your changes
Summary: Small self-dialogues will change you
We have looked at the 'self-dialogue methods' of people who have learned to accept themselves, but what did you think?
None of these questions require special talent or a lot of time.
It is just a matter of accumulating small self-dialogues of 5 or 15 minutes.
However, this accumulation will gradually nurture your self-esteem.
The important thing is,
not to aim for perfection, but to have a dialogue with your true self as you are right here, right now.
By listening to your inner self, understanding and kindness toward yourself will naturally be nurtured.
Why don't you try practicing this starting tomorrow?
Even if you start with just one question, you will surely be able to feel a change.
One last important thing. Accepting yourself does not necessarily mean 'affirming everything'.
It means accepting yourself as a whole, including your weaknesses and anxieties.
Whoever you are, it is okay to be yourself.
May the day come when you can truly feel that.