#Caring for Parents: "Like Swinging on a Swing"

One of the projects for our connection activities is "Casual Chat." For the second session, I had the pleasure of joining Noter Kakiha-san remotely.

Kakiha-san has posted many articles on her note about "caring for her parents," and I have been greatly inspired by reading them. During today's casual chat, one of the "deepening points" that influenced me, Urimo, was her perspective on caring for parents.

“Caring for parents is like swinging on a swing,

　　finding the right distance.”

That is how Kakiha-san expressed it during our conversation.

　1. Acting while swaying

I listened to her talk about her experience caring for her parents, especially her relationship with her father. Her father will be 91 this month. Last May, he collapsed while spreading fertilizer in his home garden. While watching his recovery through hospitalizations and short-stay services, Kakiha-san saw him crying and decided to take care leave to care for him at home. As she stayed over from Monday to Friday to provide care, she felt the hardships of caregiving and her heart wavered many times. She realized that being by his side for long periods made the distance feel too close, and that she needed some time apart, so she tried taking time for herself. By repeating such actions, she spent time finding a "good balance and distance" between her parents and herself. She said she is still in the process of finding it.

  2. Thinking while swaying

She said that while "getting close and moving away" from her parents, she also accepted her own inner thoughts while they were swaying. Sometimes she got too close and felt burned out, and other times she felt anxious after moving away. As she accepted her own thoughts swaying like a swing, she began to think that what she had previously thought was "the right thing to do" might just be her own ego. My father has his own life. I have my own life. Everyone has a day when their life ends. There is no point in fearing that. That end might be five minutes from now. She said she has come to think that if she can feel "I'm glad I was there for him" at that moment, then it is okay to have some painful times now.

  3. What I learned from my own turning point

Kakiha-san has worked in the nursing world for about 40 years and is currently on care leave, but she plans to return to work in April. A year before she was supposed to retire (when the COVID-19 pandemic had just begun and she was very busy), she fell down the stairs at a movie theater. She continued to work for about a month, but her condition worsened until she had to undergo emergency surgery for a "chronic subdural hematoma." She thought a lot about that event. She asked herself, "What have I been doing all this time?" While thinking, her motivation for work dropped, but she said she was able to let go of her tension in a good way. While working as a manager, she wondered if what she thought was for the best might have been causing others suffering. As she thought about various things, she accepted that she was wavering with those thoughts. She said that what she gained from this turning point in her life might have influenced her perspective on caring for her parents (she said she hasn't written about this event on note yet).

　4. A swing is fun precisely because it sways

A good distance for caregiving is something you find while swaying. You cannot build a good distance all at once. You find it by getting closer, moving away, going back and forth, and swaying. You go forward, feel "Oh!" and then move back. It is okay to sway between failure and success. I want to sway in the place where I feel most comfortable. If you are not swaying, you cannot find the good spot. She said that a swing is not fun if it is stopped.

“A swing is fun precisely because it sways”

　5. Urimo's personal thoughts

I work in caregiving and also care for my own mother. I can make various judgments about caregiving at work, but when it comes to my own mother's care, I get lost in ways that are pathetic. After listening to Kakiha-san's story today,

“It’s okay to be swaying”

I felt that, and my heart calmed down a little.

Unfortunately, due to computer issues, I couldn't see her face, but I felt kindness in her clear, crisp voice, and I ended up relying on her and asking her many questions. This article is only a small part of the two hours she spent with me, and this is Kakiha-san Part 1. In addition to the content here, I would like to report on Kakiha-san's valuable thoughts on topics such as "building resilience through daily life meetings" and "the timing for choosing life in a facility." It looks like there will be at least a Part 2 and Part 3. (That is, if I can summarize it well, haha).

I feel that by connecting with people, my own thoughts and feelings are updated, and my heart becomes richer. Would you all like to experience this feeling together?
"Caregiving, Family, Child-rearing, and Ways of Living"If you would like to talk about these things, I would love for us to connect remotely.

After all, when you talk to people directly,

" It really deepens, doesn't it~ 💕🦍 ".

Kakiha-san, thank you so much.

I look forward to next time as well.

Here is an announcement for Stand.fm ↓

March 3rd (Fri) 21:00~

" Sabo-nee and Urimo's Bursting into Laughter Live "

We will be holding our second live stream.

This time, we will welcome noter Arkn-san as our guest,

and it will be an episode where we get excited about train topics.

I, Urimo, will be participating as an assistant, and I hope to deepen my connection with Arkn-san and

everyone in the comment section.

Please, please, on the day,

come aboard!! (lol).