I'm a 32-year-old single woman, am I finally in trouble? ⇒ Don't get scammed by marriage hunting agencies!
"60% of people are married by the time they enter their 30s!"
"Still not married? Your marriage hunting time limit is critical!"
"If you want to have children, you need to rush into marriage! Advanced maternal age is a risk!"
"Hurry! Click here for a free consultation at a marriage agency! (Affiliate link)"
Haven't you seen these kinds of shitty words on the internet?
Open social media and you'll find people calling themselves "marriage hunting consultants," watch YouTube and you'll see people claiming to be "dating experts," and online ads are full of "marriage agencies"... all of them are stoking your anxiety.
But wait a minute.
Do you really "have to get married"?
Is a 32-year-old single woman really in a "critical" situation?
In the first place, is "marriage hunting" really necessary?
Today, as a former marriage hunting advisor, I will thoroughly explain this topic, including the dark side of the industry.
Fear marketing that says "You're in trouble if you don't get married"
The pressure that "women in their 30s need to hurry up and get married..."
Have you ever thought about where it comes from?
Actually, stoking this kind of "fear" is a strategy for marriage hunting businesses like marriage agencies and matching apps to make money.
I used to work as a "marriage hunting advisor" at a major marriage agency. What I witnessed there was a marketing technique that intentionally stokes the anxiety of single people to lead them into high-priced services.
The internal PR manual actually said this:
"Use words that make women in their 30s feel particularly anxious"
"Explicitly convey the anxiety of a future where they cannot get married"
"Use data to make them think 'it will be too late if you don't act now'"
The dark side of the marriage hunting industry is that major marriage agencies engage in this kind of shameless, immoral marketing.
In fact, this fear-based marketing is extremely effective. This is because humans feel a strong sense of fear toward 'things they might lose'.
Marriage agencies stoke the fear that 'you might lose your right to marry or your right to become a mother,' and then lead you to the conclusion that 'therefore, you need our services'.
Marriage agencies: A 'fraudulent business unique to Japan'
You might be surprised, but the business model of 'marriage agencies' is a specialized business that exists almost exclusively in Japan.
In Western countries, 'expensive marriage hunting services' like marriage agencies are not mainstream. This is because the values regarding 'marriage' itself are different to begin with.
Let's look at the characteristics of the Japanese marriage agency business.
Abnormally high fees: Entrance fees of 100,000 to 300,000 yen and monthly fees of 10,000 to 30,000 yen are common
Forced long-term contracts: Long-term contracts of 1 to 2 years are standard
No guarantee of results: No matter how much you pay, there is zero guarantee that you will get married
Harsh cancellation penalties: If you cancel mid-contract, most of the money you paid is not returned
Do you think this is normal?
Thinking about it with common sense, something is wrong, right?
Exactly!It's a rip-off!
For example, if a hair salon, which is also a service industry, told you, 'It's a 500,000 yen contract for one year. There is no guarantee your hair will look beautiful. We won't refund you if you quit halfway,' everyone would think it's a scam.
However, marriage agencies build these business models by using 'marriage,' an important life event, as bait.
The true identity of 'marriage advisors' and 'dating experts' on social media
What we should pay attention to is the existence of people on social media who call themselves 'marriage advisors,' 'dating consultants,' and 'experts on being popular'.
Many of them are actually just insiders at marriage agencies pushing their own agenda, or people receiving affiliate commissions from marriage agencies and matchmaking services. In other words, if you join a marriage agency, they receive a commission of several tens of thousands of yen.
That is precisely why they continue to post content that stokes anxiety, such as 'women in their 30s should be panicking' or 'if you don't get married soon, it will be too late'.
They are nothing more than mere 'referral salespeople' who have no interest in your happiness.
Look at the reality of the world. Marriage is no longer 'mandatory'.
Now, let's step back from this fear-based marketing and look at the reality of the world.
The increase in singles is a global trend.
Surprisingly, it is predicted that by 2050, single-person households will account for 45% of all households in Japan. In other words, 'getting married and starting a family' is no longer becoming the 'standard life path'.
This is not a phenomenon unique to Japan. In developed countries around the world, the number of people who remain single for life is increasing rapidly.
For example,
Northern Europe: In Sweden, about 45% of adults live alone
United States: About 28% of adults over 25 have never been married
Germany: 41.8% of all households are single-person households
In other words, a 'life without marriage' is now recognized around the world not as an 'exception' but as 'one of the options'.
A world where 'de facto marriage' is becoming the mainstream
What is even more important is the fact that more and more people are choosing not to have a 'legal marriage'.
In many countries around the world, 'de facto marriage' (partnerships without a marriage registration) is increasing rapidly. For example,
France: Over 30% of couples are in a de facto marriage
Sweden: About 40% of couples with children are in a de facto marriage
Australia: More than half of young couples live together without getting married
In this way, a lifestyle where you live with a partner and raise children without having a 'legal marriage' has become the norm in the world.
'Children after marriage' is outdated
The idea that "if you want to have children, you must hurry to get married" is completely anachronistic from a global perspective.
In many developed countries around the world, "non-marital births" (children born to unmarried couples) are increasing rapidly.
France: Approximately 60% of births are to unmarried parents
Sweden: Over 55% of births are to unmarried parents
UK: Approximately 48% of births are to unmarried parents
In other words, "marriage" and "childbirth" are already separated in many parts of the world. The very idea that "you must hurry to get married because you want to have children" is outdated. Japan and South Korea are likely the only places where such outdated thinking still remains.
The dark side of the relationship between marriage and happiness. Exposing the unknown truth.
Can you become happy by getting married?
This is a question that concerns many people. Here, I will share facts based on various studies.
Research results: Women's happiness levels decrease after marriage
It may be surprising, but what multiple studies show is the fact that a woman's happiness does not necessarily increase through marriage.
For example, it is said that after marriage, a woman's happiness level may rise temporarily, but it returns to pre-marriage levels within a few years, or sometimes even drops.
Even more shocking is the relationship with children. There are multiple research results showing that the more children a woman has, the lower her happiness level is statistically. This is a discovery that overturns the conventional wisdom that "you can be happy if you have children."
Why do people assume "marriage = happiness"?
Nevertheless, why do so many people assume that "you can be happy if you get married"?
There are mainly three reasons for this.
Social pressure and media influence: "Wedding ceremonies" and "happy newlywed life" are romanticized in TV dramas, movies, and on social media.
Psychology of escaping the status quo: People who are dissatisfied with their current lives tend to expect that "maybe something will change if I get married."
The Japanese mindset of worrying about how others see you: Japanese people, in particular, have a strong group mentality that "you must be the same as everyone else."
The second point, "escapism from the current situation," is particularly noteworthy. If you are thinking, "I want to get married because I'm not satisfied with my current life," that might just be escapism. Marriage is not a magic wand that solves life's problems. In fact, it often brings new challenges.
Statistical fact: 1 in 3 couples divorce
Also, the high divorce rate cannot be overlooked. In Japan, about one in three couples gets divorced. In other words, there is no guarantee that you will be happy just because you get married.
There are various reasons why marriages don't work out, but the main causes are:
Financial problems
Lack of communication
Differences in values
Uneven burden of housework and childcare
Especially for women, the reality is that married life in Japan still carries a heavy burden. They often bear the majority of housework and childcare, and there are many cases where they have no choice but to sacrifice their careers.
A mindset to free yourself from "the eyes of others"
"But it's painful when people around me ask, 'Aren't you married yet?'..."
Many people feel this way. Here, I will introduce a way of thinking to help you free yourself from those "eyes of others."
Breaking away from group psychology: The illusion of "being the same as everyone else"
Japanese people are particularly prone to the group psychology of "having to be the same as everyone else." This psychology is said to be rooted in the "mass middle-class" consciousness of the high economic growth period and our history as an agricultural people.
However, in today's global society, the very concept of "a life the same as everyone else" is becoming an illusion. Around the world, people are choosing diverse ways of living, and these are becoming respected.
American sociologist Erving Goffman pointed out that "behavior that is too concerned with the eyes of others robs one of mental freedom." In other words, convincing yourself that you "should get married" because you are worried about what others think is limiting your own mental freedom.
Breaking away from the "values of a narrow community"
A characteristic of Japanese society is that it is easy to be bound by the "values of a closed, narrow community." In particular,
Colleagues at work
Local friends
Relatives
The older generation
When you live only within such limited communities, you tend to view the values of that community (in this case, the belief that "you should be married in your 30s") as absolute.
However, if you broaden your perspective, that is merely the "opinion of a few people." There are over 7 billion people in the world, with diverse values and ways of life. Being bound by the values of a narrow community is, in a sense, like being in a cult.
Your life is your own
Ultimately, what you should remember is that your life belongs only to you.
Whether or not to choose marriage is a decision for you alone, not anyone else. You shouldn't marry to meet the expectations of parents, friends, or society, but because you yourself desire it—shouldn't that be the nature of the choice?
Stepping away from romance and marriage to find your own way of life
For those who have read this far, I believe you are ready to be freed from the various myths and assumptions surrounding "marriage." From here on, I will introduce concrete approaches to pursuing your own happiness.
"Not being suited for romance" is a personality trait, not a flaw
In this world, there are "people suited for romance" and "people not suited for romance." This is a matter of personality, not a question of good or bad.
For example, those with the following characteristics might be the "not suited for romance" type.
You value time alone
You feel more comfortable with broad, shallow relationships than deep ones
You prefer to keep your own pace rather than adjusting to others
You feel exhausted by relationships with intense emotional ups and downs
These characteristics are not "flaws," but your personality. There is no need to force yourself to become "suited for romance."
The natural right that "you are free whether you marry or not"
As a fundamental premise of modern society, whether or not to marry is entirely a matter of personal freedom. This is a "natural right," just like the following:
The right to wear the clothes you like
The right to listen to the music you like
The right to choose the job you like
You naturally possess the "freedom not to marry" as well. And that choice should be respected.
Similarly, whether or not to have children is entirely your freedom. The equation that "no children equals unhappiness" is a complete lie. Choosing a life without children is also a perfectly valid option.
The option of common-law marriage
If you want to live with a partner but feel resistance toward "legal marriage," there is also the option of a "common-law marriage."
The benefits of a common-law marriage are as follows:
No legal procedures or costs required: No need for marriage registration or name changes
Maintain personal identity: No need to change your surname
Maintain financial independence: No obligation to share assets
Simplified legal procedures for separation: No need for complex procedures like divorce mediation
Although still a minority in Japan, common-law marriage is not unusual globally. In fact, it can be considered a progressive choice.
Putting "your own happiness" first
Ultimately, what you should be thinking about is "what makes me happy."
Sometimes, it is good to face your inner self and ask yourself questions like the following:
What kind of life would I feel happy living 10 years from now?
What is the reason I want to get married? (Or what is the reason I don't want to get married?)
What are the values I want to cherish most in my life?
When do I truly feel a sense of fulfillment?
By facing these questions honestly, you should be able to see your own "true happiness."
Practical advice to avoid being scammed by marriage agencies
If you are still thinking, "I want to get married anyway," that is a wonderful choice. However, you also need the knowledge to avoid being scammed by "marriage hunting businesses" like marriage agencies along the way.
The reality of dangerous contracts and high fees at marriage agencies
The fee structures of marriage agencies are surprisingly expensive. The general market rates are as follows:
Registration fee: 100,000 to 300,000 yen
Monthly membership fee: 10,000 to 30,000 yen
Marriage success fee: 100,000 to 300,000 yen
Introduction fee: 3,000 to 10,000 yen per meeting
In other words, you will end up paying at least 300,000 yen, and up to nearly 1 million yen in one year.
An even bigger problem is that even if you request to cancel within the contract period, most of the fees you paid will not be refunded. Even if you feel, "I paid the money but they aren't introducing me to good partners," canceling midway will result in a significant loss.
How to distinguish suspicious advertisements and reviews from marriage hunting agencies
Many fake success stories are posted in reviews on social media and marriage hunting sites. Here are the points to look out for:
Success stories that are abstract and lack specificity
Photos that are highly likely to be of "models" or "stock images"
Only extremely positive reviews with no critical opinions
The name of the marriage agency is mentioned unnaturally often
Also, many people who call themselves "independent marriage hunting advisors" or "dating consultants" are actually affiliates for marriage agencies. If their posts or videos contain content saying "[Agency Name] is recommended," it is highly likely to be an advertisement.
What you really need is to 'know yourself'
The most important thing in marriage hunting is not joining an expensive marriage agency, but 'knowing yourself deeply'.
What kind of partner can I be happy with?
What are the values I cannot compromise on?
What do I want to gain from married life?
Answering these questions is the first step in marriage hunting. Starting marriage hunting without knowing yourself is like setting out on a journey without deciding on a destination.
If you are going to hunt for a marriage partner, it is wise to start with free matching apps.
Before paying hundreds of thousands of yen to a marriage agency, you can learn about your own marriage hunting style and preferred type.
Conclusion: To live your life in your own way
Is a 32-year-old single woman 'in trouble'? The answer is clearly 'NO'.
Your life is your own, not anyone else's. There is no need to be bound by the expectations of those around you or social norms.
'Whether to marry or not'
'Whether to have children or not'
—these are all things you should decide for yourself. And whichever you choose, it is a choice that should be respected.
The world is changing rapidly. The traditional life plan of 'getting married and having children' is no longer the 'only correct answer'. We are in an era where diverse ways of living are recognized and respected.
What is important is to listen to your own inner voice and pursue 'what you truly desire'. Whether that is marriage, single life, or a de facto marriage—I hope your choice is one that makes you happy.
Don't be swayed by the anxious words of marriage hunting agencies (scammers) or self-proclaimed 'experts' on social media (lol); let's walk through life at your own pace, in your own way.
Your life is yours alone. And no matter what form it takes, it is sure to be wonderful.