The Person Who Wanted to Be Great

Once upon a time, in a certain village, there lived a young man named Kokodaka. From a young age, Kokodaka held a strong desire to become a "great person."
The villagers asked him,
"What does it mean to be great?"
Kokodaka replied,
"Finding that out is my journey."
Kokodaka took on many challenges.
He mastered academics,
honed his skills,
helped others,
and faced difficulties head-on.
Sometimes he endured rigorous training,
sometimes he piled up failures,
and sometimes, while nearly giving in to temptation,
he always kept the desire to "become great" in his heart.
One day, the village elder said to Kokodaka,
"In your attempt to become great, what have you sacrificed?"
Kokodaka pondered this. And then he realized,
"Perhaps I have been so focused on pursuing greatness that I have forgotten to live in the present."
Later, Kokodaka said this:
"Greatness may not be something to aim for, but rather the accumulation of small, daily choices. Living this very moment with sincerity—that is what true greatness is."
And so, the proverb "Greatness dwells within the days" spread from that village.
And they lived happily ever after.
That was the preface to the 1032nd interview of the Nameless Interview series, written on March 11, 2025, at 4:52 PM, thinking just that!!!!!

[Preface: qbc / Yasuhiro Kuribayashi (Writer, Organizer of Nameless Interview)]

Joining us this time is Chinatsu!

Age: 20s
Gender: Socially female, but I don't really care
Occupation: University student

Current status: Since I'll be a working adult in another month, I'm playing around, but I still have some anxiety, and I feel like I'm finally deciding on what I want to do.

qbc:
What do you do now?

Chinatsu:
Right now, I am someone spending their final spring break of student life.

qbc:
What are you doing to spend your time?

Chinatsu:
I'm spending it by trying to clear out all the things I haven't been able to do or haven't done until now.

qbc:
What kind of things are you doing?

Chinatsu:
There are a few things, but for one,I've written down places I wanted to go, and since I live in a prefecture next to Tokyo, I'm going to places I wanted to visit in the Tokyo area, either alone or with friends or family, within a range I can manage.Also, there's a certification I feel I missed out on,so I'm thinking of getting the 'MOS' Word certification, which measures computer skills. That's about it.

qbc:
Where specifically have you gone?

Chinatsu:
Yomiuriland,and also, this isn't a place, but while I've been doing these things since around January,I went to eat Wanko Soba.

qbc:
What were you doing before that?

Chinatsu:
I felt like I was being chased by my graduation thesis and my teacher training and school librarian subjects.

qbc:
So it felt like you were living a normal university life.

Chinatsu:
That's right.

qbc:
With what kind of feelings have you been going to the places you wanted to visit and spending money lately?

Chinatsu:
This has been the case for a long time, but I've had this mindset that I shouldn't spend money, and I recently realized that I've missed out on things I wanted to do or found that things were over before I knew it more than 50 times a year. So, I decided to spend money because I thought I should clear some of that out while I still have some time and money.

qbc:
Did you count that number?

Chinatsu:
Well, I haven't actually counted them, but when I tried writing down various things I've regretted so far, I realized that every single year I've been missing out on so much and feeling uneasy about it.

qbc:
How do you usually feel these days?

Chinatsu:
Most of all,I'll be starting my career in a month, so while I'm having fun, I wonder if this is really okay. Also, since I've started spending a lot of money for the first time, I feel like I'm crossing things off my bucket list while carrying a sense of anxiety somewhere inside.

qbc:
So you're not having fun?

Chinatsu:
No, it is fun. It's just that there's always some anxiety mixed in with that fun feeling. When I look back, of course it was fun, but while I'm actually doing it, I feel like I'm fighting against anxiety.

qbc:
What are some specific things you wanted to do but couldn't?

Chinatsu:
It was around last autumn, but even though I had the time and money, I didn't go to an event for my favorite show, 'Quiz with No Correct Answer'.Also, there was a takoyaki shop featured on TV, and since I'm in Shizuoka, it would have been like a little trip, butjust when I was thinking of going, it went out of business.

qbc:
What kind of personality do people say you have?

Chinatsu:
My family often tells me,that I'm kind, or cheerful, or that they can't tell what I'm thinking.My younger sister is the only one who says I have a way of drawing people in, but since I don't hear that from anyone else, I don't really believe it's true.Even outside of my family,I think people often tell me that they can't tell what I'm thinking.I think people often tell me that they can't tell what I'm thinking.

qbc:
What kind of personality do you think you have?

Chinatsu:
I thinkI overthink things too much and end up losing sight of various things, or rather, I'm always finding fault with things; that's the kind of feeling it is.

qbc:
Do you have any likes or dislikes about yourself, or things you think you should change?

Chinatsu:
I'm always complaining in my head, so I really wish I could be a little more tolerant.

qbc:
What kind of things do you strongly wish you could be more tolerant about?

Chinatsu:
The most common thing is,when I get close to someone, I find myself wondering why they can't do certain things, or I end up focusing only on their bad points, and my expressions of gratitude end up being just lip service. I really think I need to change the way I look at people.

qbc:
What are your current human relationships like?

Chinatsu:
I'm in a few groups at university, and there's a room at the university for socializing, and since I've been going there quite actively,I do have a lot of relatively shallow relationships.

qbc:
Do you feel a sense of fulfillment?

Chinatsu:
I've spent the most intense time of my life so far, so I definitely do.I'd say it's close to 100.

qbc:
Do you have any hobbies?

Chinatsu:
When it comes to hobbies, I sometimes wonder which ones actually count as hobbies, but I think reading is the one I've kept up with the longest and do the most often. It's like I'm a regular at the library. The genre I read most is novels, and I also read essays and various introductory books quite often.

qbc:
How do you feel when you're reading?

Chinatsu:
When I'm reading, I'm focused on the content, and since there are new realizations and discoveries, I feel very excited, or rather, my emotions are being pulled along by it.

qbc:
Do you think about what you've read or talk to people about it afterwards?

Chinatsu:
I talk to people about it about half the time. I think I quite often write things down or organize my thoughts internally.

qbc:
Where do you write those things down?

Chinatsu:
Sometimes I write them on my smartphone, and I've been trying to get into the habit of keeping a diary—though that hasn't really stuck—but sometimes I write them there as well.

qbc:
What kind of things do you write?

Chinatsu:
Back when I used to write on an app called 'Booklog,' it was all just criticism and questions, so after that rather than saying 'this is what I think,' I mostly start by tracing the content, and then write down what I thought about it and things I didn't know before. I often jot down things that I wouldn't have known if I were the person I was before reading this book.

qbc:
What does reading mean to you?

Chinatsu:
It's something I just find myself doing.So, it feels a bit different from what I'd call a hobby, but since it's what I do most, I guess I'll just call it a hobby for now.

qbc:
What is the thing you enjoy doing most right now?

Chinatsu:
Radio calisthenics.

qbc :
When and where do you do it?

Chinatsu:
When I wake up in the morning, I do it at home while watching a YouTube video.

qbc:
How long have you been doing that?

Chinatsu:
I started doing exercise other than radio calisthenics when I was a third-year high school student, and before I knew it, I was only doing radio calisthenics, so about five years. I've been doing radio calisthenics properly for the last two or three years.

qbc:
Where do you do it?

Chinatsu:
I always do it at home.

qbc:
How does it feel to have kept it up for three years?

Chinatsu:
I don't really feel any physical effects, but it's like brushing your teeth when you wake up in the morning; just as you feel uncomfortable if you don't brush your teeth,I feel like I'd be left with a sense of discomfort if I didn't do it.

qbc:
Do you watch the same video every time?

Chinatsu:
No,I get bored easily, so sometimes I watch official NHK videos, and other times I watch radio calisthenics videos featuring 'Shaun the Sheep' or Pokémon.

qbc:
Do you have any radio calisthenics buddies or anything like that?

Chinatsu:
Not at all.

qbc:
Are there any on social media?

Chinatsu:
No, I don't make friends like that on social media, so no.

qbc:
Do you have an account yourself? Like an account where you do radio calisthenics?

Chinatsu:
I used to keep a record on 'note,' but I don't really do that anymore. Instead, I made a sort of stamp card for myself, and I just put a sticker on it myself when I'm done.

qbc:
So you're not looking for radio calisthenics buddies either, right?

Chinatsu:
Rather than that,I just don't really feel like I need them.

qbc:
I see. What is your favorite food?

Chinatsu:
My favorite food is carrots. They get sweet when you boil them.

qbc:
How do you eat them?

Chinatsu:
I actually like to peel them, wash them, and eat them whole, but usually, I chop them up and put them in rice or eat them in miso soup.

qbc:
If you were to compare yourself to something in your house, what would it be?

Chinatsu:
Something in the house, right?I'd want to be a curtain.

qbc:
A curtain? Why is that?

Chinatsu:
Curtains can be adjusted depending on whether the sun is hitting them or not. I don't think many people say they really want a curtain, but it's something you'd be in trouble without, so I think it's nice to be something that people would be in trouble without in those sudden moments, so that's why I want to be one.

qbc:
I see, thank you.

Past: I couldn't read the room, so I wouldn't even realize when something was being pointed out to me, leading to a cycle of repeating the same mistakes.

qbc:
I'd like to ask about your past. What kind of child were you?

Chinatsu:
I was very passive as a child. I think I was a negative kid who was always quite concerned about how others were feeling.

qbc:
What games did you like to play?

Chinatsu:
I was fine with anything as long as I could play by myself, but since I was with my younger sister when I was at home, I think I liked playing by holding dolls and making them talk.

qbc:
You did that with your sister.

Chinatsu:
That's right.

qbc:
Do you still have any remnants of that now?

Chinatsu:
I definitely do. Perhaps because I had a relative who would hold a doll and make it talk for a moment when they noticed it, there are times when I end up doing that too.

qbc:
Do you carry a doll around with you?

Chinatsu:
No, I don't carry one around.Even if I did, I usually keep it hidden, so there are moments when I let it talk only at home.

qbc:
Do you have conversations with it?

Chinatsu:
Sometimes it's just a single word, and other times it's a conversation.

qbc:
What kind of conversations do you have?

Chinatsu:
I'm quite relaxed when I'm talking, so it doesn't come to mind right away.

qbc:
Is it something like, 'I'm hungry, aren't I?'

Chinatsu:
Something like that.

qbc:
Anything else?

Chinatsu:
No, it's just everyday conversation.

qbc:
Do you ever make them talk about deep topics?

Chinatsu:
I don't make them talk about deep topics.

qbc:
Do you ever talk to your stuffed animals about your anxieties regarding becoming a working adult?

Chinatsu:
It's not so much that I talk to the stuffed animals, but rather that I use them to talk. I only use them to hide my embarrassment when I'm talking to my family. I plan to live alone after I start working, so I probably won't do it when I'm by myself, haha.

qbc:
What kind of child were you in elementary school?

Chinatsu:
I don't think my negativity was any different back in elementary school.I couldn't read the room, so while I acted relatively cheerful on the surface, I couldn't grasp what I shouldn't do or when it was the wrong time to say something. Once I realized that, I started to become more cautious of how others were reacting to me.

qbc:
What kind of timing is a 'time when you shouldn't talk'?

Chinatsu:
I think it's common knowledge that you shouldn't talk about what you want to talk about when others are speaking, but I didn't understand things like that. I think people usually think about the order of what to say and when to say it, but I really couldn't do that at all.

qbc:
When did you start being able to do that?

Chinatsu:
Well, I still can't do it properly even now. It's just that the other person might pick up on it, or even if I can't do it, I can think to myself, 'Oh, that was wrong,' and apologize or correct myself, so I'm compensating with other things like that.

qbc:
Is it a matter of what you're bad at?

Chinatsu:
Since I'm bad at reading the room, if you ask me what it is, I'd say I'm bad at reading the atmosphere of a situation.

qbc:
For someone who is bad at reading the room, what is 'the room'?

Chinatsu:
Even if I'm just bad at reading the room, I know that 'a situation has an atmosphere' exists. It's like something I don't understand, but others seem to do naturally without even thinking about it.

qbc:
Could you tell me about an example of what happened?

Chinatsu:
For example, there's an unspoken rule that you shouldn't talk about bugs while eating, but I don't really understand things like that. Also, it might sound strange to call it compliance-related, but there's a line for what you shouldn't really talk about in front of others. Even if no one tells me 'that's not allowed,' I get a feeling like, 'Oh, I said something weird,' so I think it's things like that.

qbc:
Thank you. What was middle school like for you?

Chinatsu:
Middle school was relatively fun in the first year, butby the second year, it became more obvious that I couldn't read the room, and on top of that, people started making fun of the way I talked.

qbc:
What about high school?

Chinatsu:
I already had friends in high school, but things didn't go well with them either, and they listed many things I wasn't doing right,saying things like, 'Because you have these traits, I can't be with you anymore.' I felt depressed, reflected on it afterwards,and although I repaired some relationships before graduating high school,it continued like that, with several people telling me, 'I can't stand you anymore.' I would reflect on it and want to fix it, but since I couldn't read the room at the time, I wouldn't realize that what I was doing was what they had pointed out, and I would just repeat the same mistakes over and over.

qbc:
You can tell that there is an 'atmosphere' even if you can't read it. But even if you can tell it's there, you mean you don't understand what kind of atmosphere it is, right?

Chinatsu:
Yes, exactly.

qbc:
How do you come to understand the different kinds of atmospheres?

Chinatsu:
I wonder. Up until now, I would only realize it after things had reached a point of no return, and I used to think that not being able to read the atmosphere was a bad thing, but around my second year of high school, I was told, 'The problem isn't that you can't read the atmosphere, it's that you don't do 'ho-ren-so' (reporting, communicating, and consulting).' While 'ho-ren-so' also requires reading the atmosphere in a sense, I feel like I solved the problem by making it a habit to at least do 'ho-ren-so' even if I couldn't read the atmosphere.

qbc:
I didn't quite understand that. What is the relationship between that 'atmosphere' and 'ho-ren-so' specifically?

Chinatsu:
Thinking, 'I should consult with someone about this' or 'I should report this' involves anticipating things yourself without being told, which I think is a form of 'sensing the atmosphere,' so in that sense, I think they are related...

qbc:
When you say 'atmosphere,' I thought you meant the kind during casual conversation, but what kind of situation are you talking about now?

Chinatsu:
The 'atmosphere' I'm talking about here—I had quite a few troubles in my club activities—refers to the 'atmosphere' regarding what I should do as an upperclassman or lowerclassman within that club, and what specific actions I should take. That was something I had to sense.

qbc:
I see. So that is related to 'ho-ren-so'.

Chinatsu:
It is related. The feedback I received was in the club, and 'ho-ren-so' was one of the things I had to do in terms of how to act. It's not everything, because sometimes you need to do things on your own, but 'ho-ren-so' is included in the things that should be done.

qbc:
Do you mean reporting, communicating, and consulting about things like 'We're meeting at school at 9 tomorrow'?

Chinatsu:
That's right. Saying 'I can't make it to the meeting for this reason' at that time is also a form of reporting, so to put it very simply, that's what I mean.

qbc:
So you mean that kind of communication was missing?

Chinatsu:
Yes, the communication was missing.

qbc:
So it's like, 'I was told to meet at 9, but I can't make it, so I'll be there at 10,' but that wasn't communicated?

Chinatsu:
Exactly. Or, even if I thought I had communicated it, my Japanese was so vague that the other person interpreted it differently. That's the kind of thing.

qbc:
I see, I understand. How do you think your parents raised you?

Chinatsu:
I think there were two sides to it: on one hand, I was allowed quite a bit of luxury, but on the other hand, I was restricted in certain areas.

qbc:
What about after you graduated from high school?

Chinatsu:
After graduating from high school, I went straight to university, and I found university to be very free. I had lived my life thinking I 'couldn't read the atmosphere,' so it was the first time I tried just acting without thinking about that. I had lived my life suppressing the thoughts I had inside, so I realized that 'it was okay to think and speak,' and that while I had always conformed to some standard, there were things in the world that were allowed even if they weren't the standard, or that it was actually better that way. It was a feeling of, 'It's okay to be this way, isn't it?'

qbc:
How was your university life itself?

Chinatsu:
I felt like I had just graduated by the time I finished wondering what it meant to be 'like a university student,' and as for that 'likeness,'there was always a conflict because what was expected of me by those around me and what I actually possessed were so different.

qbc:
I see. Looking back on your life, where do you think the turning points were?

Chinatsu:
I think the turning point was definitely during high school.It's the same with 'reporting, informing, and consulting' (hou-ren-so), but until then, even if I knew I was doing something wrong or that my actions had caused something, I didn't understand what was wrong.Once I became a high school student, although it wasn't fun, many people taught me what was wrong with me, and I think if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have had the human relationships I had in university.

qbc:
Looking back, was there anything that was particularly painful?

Chinatsu:
What was painful was,I have a twin sister who is the same age as me, so I couldn't help but compare myself to her, and I had many intense arguments with my sister, who was aware of those differences. That was the hardest and most painful thing, I think.

qbc:
Chinatsu, what do you think about your own life?

Chinatsu:
One thing is that I feel I am still too passive, and I also tend to blame various things and people for things, so I really think that if I had had a bit more of a structure or mindset to try my best despite that, I could have improved things somehow.

qbc:
I see. Now, if you were to compare yourself to a home appliance, what would it be?

Chinatsu:
A television, I suppose.I think there are still many people who watch TV, but I am quite old-fashioned, and since TVs have now been replaced by things like smartphones and computers,I want to stand out and many people do watch me, but in the sense that I am a thing of the past, I think it's a television.

qbc:
If you were to compare your sister to a home appliance, what would it be?

Chinatsu:
An Apple Watch, maybe.I'm not sure if it's a home appliance, butshe is quite at the cutting edge of the times. She only talks about efficiency, so she is thinking 24/7 about how to act efficiently, so in that sense, I think that's it.

qbc:
What do you think of a sister like that?

Chinatsu:
I think she's amazing, and if I could become like that, it would be easier to live, and I'd probably be evaluated well in life, but I don't want to be like that right now.

qbc:
In terms of whether it's desirable or not, which one is it?

Chinatsu:
I do think it's desirable. Since I don't have those qualities, I do find it attractive.

Future: I want to live with various ideas to make the future better, hope, and a feeling of not just trying to make do with what is currently available.

qbc:
I'd like to ask about the future. Thinking about 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now, all the way to the end when you die, what kind of future do you imagine now?

Chinatsu:
I don't have a concrete image yet, butfirst of all, this is the starting line, so I do have a desire to become someone great, and for now, I think I'm in the phase of watching various people and imitating them.

qbc:
If you have even a vague idea of how you want to be, please tell me.

Chinatsu:
I have a very strong desire to be able to think many steps ahead when I take action.

qbc:
I have a 'what if' future question for you: what do you think your life would have been like if you were a person who could 'read the room'? What if you were someone who could read, change, or create the 'atmosphere'?

Chinatsu:
If that were the case, I think I could have led a pretty glamorous life, but on the flip side, I feel like I wouldn't have been able to imagine a life that wasn't glamorous. I think 'the atmosphere' refers to the whole, so you'd be thinking about the whole, but I feel like I wouldn't have been able to think about the finer details, like the minorities or people who are different from me.

qbc:
Here is another 'what if' future question: if you could obtain magical powers, what kind of power would you want?

Chinatsu:
I want to use it for others, so I hope I could have incredible strength that would be useful for manual labor, like being able to generate massive horsepower.I want the power to be able to carry physically very heavy things.

qbc:
This was your third interview; how did it feel to be asked the same things?

Chinatsu:
I think I was able to answer in my own way without being tense, feeling like this was completely different from before, and without putting on any airs.

qbc:
Why do you think that is?

Chinatsu:
One reason (unlike the first time) is simply that I understand to some extent what kind of interview this is, and the second time was during job hunting season, so there were job hunting norms, but all of those are gone now, so I think that's it.

qbc:
How do you feel about being interviewed?

Chinatsu:
I don't usually have someone dig this deep into me, so I'm discovering things like 'oh, I think about things like this,' which is very exciting and fun.

qbc:
I see. In the future, where would you like to live, for example?

Chinatsu:
I have a desire to go to many different places, butat the end of the day, I've always loved my hometown, so I don't want to move out of the city I'm in now. Though I don't mind changing houses.

qbc:
By the way, where are the places you want to go?

Chinatsu:
The place I want to visit for travel is Hokkaido.It's because I've lived there before, and anyway, Hokkaido is so vast that it means I can see many different things even within the same prefecture.

qbc:
Is there any particular part of Hokkaido?

Chinatsu:
I'm not that picky, butI definitely can't leave out Sapporo and Otaru.

qbc:
Are there any emotions you want to live with in the future?

Chinatsu:
I'm driven by either negative or positive feelings, so I hope I can live while holding both of those as a set.

qbc:
In terms of work, do you have any thoughts on what you want to do or any feelings about the world?

Chinatsu:
I want to live with various ideas for making the future better, hope, and a feeling of not just trying to make do with what we have now.

qbc:
Do you have any vision for what you want to do for the future in terms of your involvement with society?

Chinatsu:
I do want to put some kind of message out there, but I have to admit that what that actually is remains very vague or undecided. If you ask me why I want to put a message out, I suppose it's because I've lived my life being subjected to various assumptions, and I'd like to break those down somewhere.However, I haven't decided on any concrete actions yet. That's the state I'm in.

qbc:
I'll ask you a hypothetical question about the future again. I'm asking the Chinatsu of three years from now. What are you doing?

Chinatsu:
I feel like I might be saying that I just changed jobs and moved somewhere.

qbc:
I'll ask the Chinatsu of five years from now. What are you doing?

Chinatsu:
I feel like I might be saying that I've pursued a hobby or something and am now doing this specific hobby.

qbc:
When you graph your life from birth to the present, what kind of waves do you think your life has had?

Chinatsu:
If I start talking about the details of the waves from birth until now, I think it's full of waves, but if I set aside those small details,I think it's peaceful in a sense. My life has a lot of small unpleasant things and, conversely, a lot of small good things, so I feel like the graph itself would change depending on what I use as the axis.

qbc:
What if it were a 'comprehensive' graph?

Chinatsu:
If it were 'comprehensive,' while there would be waves, I think it would just look like 'I'm enjoying life.'

qbc:
Was there a time when you started to feel like you were 'enjoying life'? Or have you always felt that way?

Chinatsu:
No, it was after I entered university that I started to feel that way.I lived my life without realizing how blessed I was, and it wasn't until I became a university student that I thought so. Before that, I think I was blessed, but I don't think I reached the point of having fun.

qbc:
This might be a bit repetitive, but what was different about university?

Chinatsu:
Simply put, the number of people I met was different. Meeting so many people was a huge stimulus in terms of knowing the size of the world, and when I was worried about something, I would think, 'The things I'm worried about are small,' so I think that's it.

qbc:
Do you have a vision for the kind of human relationships you want to build in the future?

Chinatsu:
I hope to create a third place myself and increase the variety of human relationships I have.However, that would be shallow, so my ideal is to be able to properly deepen the relationships that require deep involvement while balancing both well.

qbc:
Are there any words that you cherish?

Chinatsu:
It's not really a word, but a lyric.In Gen Hoshino's song 'Barabara' (Scattered), there is a lyric that says, 'The world cannot become one,' and I strongly believe that is true, so I cherish those words quite a bit.

qbc:
What do you think about the perspective of whether the world is one, or whether it is fragmented?

Chinatsu:
Thinking that we should 'become one' might be important because there are many different groups, but I feel like people try to force that unity, or rather,'wanting to be one' is just an ideal, and since everyone is actually different, I think we need the perspective that 'we cannot be one' in the sense that we aren't respecting those differences.

qbc:
Do you have a desire to become one?

Chinatsu:
I think I have a little bit.

qbc:
Thank you. The final question is: what are the last words you would leave behind? It could be a will, a message to the readers, or just something like a monologue; I'm asking if there is anything you would like to say at the end.

Chinatsu:
It's not so much something I left unsaid, but rather something I intentionally didn't say,I'm confident that I'm the person who reads these 'Unknown Person Interviews' the most, so for those who want to be interviewed or who find them fun to read, I want people who read a lot to be interviewed, and I want people who have been interviewed to read a lot.Other than that, there is nothing in particular. That is all.

qbc:
Thank you.

Afterword

The causality of time.

[Interview, Editing, Afterword: qbc]

[Editing: Sameko]

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