A person who hopes that everyone, including myself, is happy in the present

Once upon a time, in a small village surrounded by mountains and the sea, lived a young woman named Negai (Wish). Negai possessed a mysterious power; she had the special ability to see into people's hearts. And Negai always sincerely thought, "I hope that everyone, including myself, is happy in the present."
In the village, many people entrusted their hope to the future, saying, "I will be happy someday." The farmer said, "I will be happy when I have a good harvest," the fisherman said, "I will be happy when I have a big catch," and the young people said, "I will be happy when my love is returned." However, when Negai peered into their hearts, she realized that they had all forgotten how to live in the "present."
One day, Negai built a small well in the village square. The well, which she named the "Well of Happiness," had a mysterious power. When you looked into it, your own "present" self would be reflected.
The farmer, who was the first to look into the well, saw himself enjoying a meal with his family. He realized, "I have a meal to eat with my family today, and that is a happy thing, yet I was only thinking about the harvest."
The fisherman saw himself watching the sunset while listening to the sound of the waves, and he wept, saying, "I didn't realize that being able to live alongside the sea was already a happiness."
The young lovers saw themselves supporting each other and realized, "This very moment of loving each other is happiness."
Negai's well made the villagers realize the happiness of the "present." Gradually, the entire village began to change, and people started to cherish the "present" rather than "someday." A father playing with his children between farm work, a fisherman singing with his companions while fishing, and villagers sharing small daily joys.
However, Negai herself could not find her own happiness. One night, under the moonlight, Negai looked into the well and saw herself talking and laughing with the villagers. Negai realized, "My happiness was in wishing for everyone else's happiness."
Later, a traveler who visited the village asked Negai, "Why is this village so warm?"
Negai replied, "Because we cherish the happiness of the 'present' more than the happiness of 'someday.' I wish for everyone, including myself, to be happy in the present, and we care for each other to make that a reality."
And so, the proverb "Happiness is not something that waits in the future, but something that lies in the heart that lives for today" spread from this village.
And they lived happily ever after.
And the next person to be interviewed will surely be you, who are reading this, and eventually, you will become an interviewer yourself.
That is what I thought while writing this preface for the 1058th Anonymous Interview on April 14, 2025, at 8:38 PM!!!!!
[Preface: qbc / Yasuhiro Kuribayashi (Writer / Organizer of Anonymous Interviews)]

The person participating this time is Ran!

Age: Late 20s
Gender: Lady
Occupation: Nomad

Current state: I am incredibly happy every single day now.

Honma:
What do you do for a living right now?

Ran:
I might not be doing anything in particular right now.

Honma:
Please tell me how you spend your day.

Ran:
Right now is the most relaxed period of my life.
I wake up at 8 or 9 in the morning, exercise slowly, go shopping, decide what to have for lunch and dinner, cook, and in between, I read books, watch YouTube, or look at note.
When my mother comes home, we eat together, talk, and watch something together again.
When I think about it that way, I'm not doing anything (laughs).

Honma:
For example, are you not affiliated with anywhere, like going to school, a company, or even a part-time job?

Ran:
I did start a part-time job.

Honma:
What kind of part-time job is it?

Ran:
I'm doing two part-time jobs.
One is working at a place like a free school for junior high school students who aren't attending school, and that mostly finishes in the morning, so on days when I have that, I go there.
And the other one is working as staff at an idol theater. That mostly happens once a day on weekends, so when that's on, I go there.

Honma:
What exactly do you do for the free school part-time job?

Ran:
Specifically, I only started in February, but kids who aren't going to school for various reasons come there, and it feels like they spend the day just like at school, following a curriculum until about 5 PM.
Unlike a cram school, I don't teach them academics, but I help with daily life, checking if they have any troubles or if they are communicating properly, and just having casual conversations like, 'What did you do yesterday?'
It's like being a conversation partner.

Honma:
What about the theater staff job?

Ran:
The theater staff job is a bit unique.
Artists come for performances, and I do things like stage preparation, handing out admission tickets to fans, and guiding them for special events.
I also do things like being the staff member who stands in the back during autograph sessions and says, 'Your time is up!'

Honma:
Is there a reason you started these part-time jobs?

Ran:
The reason is that ever since I graduated from university, I had been working as a full-time employee in various places.
This year, in January, around the end of the month after the New Year, I resigned from my company, and at that time, the life plan I had originally envisioned disappeared.
I thought I would just do everything I wanted to do since I had plenty of time.At that time, I thought I wanted to try doing something related to children.
I looked into cram schools and school-related things, and luckily I found a job opening there, so I was hired.
As for the theater, I had always liked idols, so it wasn't exactly a dream, but I thought I'd like to try working as staff in the background, and I happened to find a good job opening for that too, so I was hired and worked there.

Honma:
How is it going so far?

Ran:
It's fun. It's something I've wanted to try, so I feel very fulfilled.
The kids are middle schoolers, about 10 to 15 years younger than me, and no matter what they're doing, I think, 'They're just middle schoolers' (laughs), and I find them cute.
Kids are easy to understand, and they'll talk a lot about things they really like or are interested in, so I'm having fun while thinking that I hope society becomes a place where these kids can spend their future warmly.

Honma:
Yeah.

Ran:
The theater staff and the girls I work with are also around my age, which is fun, and the fans are all good people too.
I get the happiness of seeing someone I support up close from the fans, so I think that's why it's fun, and I'm glad I tried both of these things.

Honma:
What are your hobbies?

Ran:
Since I started this part-time job life recently, I find cooking fun, and besides that, I go to bookstores and libraries often, so I think I'm definitely the type who really loves reading books.
I walk a lot, so when I go out somewhere with friends, we walk a lot, and I like talking while taking walks, and I also like watching dramas and things on YouTube, so...
It's something like that.

Honma:
What made you start cooking?

Ran:
When I was a full-time employee, I would go in the morning and come home around 7 PM, so if I came home at 7 PM, I couldn't really do it, I didn't have the time.

Honma:
Yes.

Ran:
But now I finish in the morning, and the concept of working five days a week has disappeared, so on days when I'm home all day, I think, 'Since I have the chance, I want to use lots of vegetables and things I don't usually eat,' and I've been making things thinking I want my mom to eat them too, so I found that cooking isn't a struggle at all.
I thought cutting, stir-frying, and simmering were fun, so I thought, 'Oh, I don't dislike this.'

Honma:
What dishes have you made recently?

Ran:
A dish I've recently become good at is the Korean dish japchae. I also feel like I can make things like koyadofu (freeze-dried tofu) taste good.
For now, I think I've gotten the hang of things that you just throw into a pot and simmer.

Honma:
How do you feel when you're cooking?

Ran:
It's fun. There's also the fact that I'm happy if they think it's delicious. I really love meat, but I realized that vegetables are surprisingly delicious, maybe because I hadn't been eating them.
But even though I think it's fun while I'm doing it, I'm actually very clumsy and careless, so I thought, 'I probably couldn't be a professional chef' (laughs).

Honma:
By the way, how much do you read books?

Ran:
I don't have a set number of books per week, but I go to bookstores and libraries often, so...
Sometimes I read one book all at once, and sometimes I just read chapters I like or just the short stories.
When I was in middle school and high school, I only read novels from the school library, but now that I'm a working adult, I like spiritual books, and I also find essays interesting.
I don't have a set number of books per week, but I've started just casually reading whatever catches my eye at the time.

Honma:
Who are you living with now?

Ran:
My mother.

Honma:
Just your mother and you, the two of you?

Ran:
We live together, just the two of us.

Honma:
How are things every day?

Ran:
I'm honestly so happy every day now.It feels like a lie that I was crying at the beginning of the year. I'm living my life thinking, 'I'm happy now.'

Honma:
Specifically, when do you feel happy?

Ran:
I wake up slowly in the morning—well, slowly means I wake up after about 7 hours—but just thinking that I don't have to do anything unpleasant today, or even just thinking the weather is nice, I'm pretty simple, so I live my life feeling happy.
I think it's amazing to be taking a walk at this time of day, and while these are really trivial things, when I'm at home having bought some delicious cookies and making myself some milk tea, I think, 'Ah, I'm so happy.'

Honma:
Ran, what do people around you often say about your personality?

Ran:
They always say I'm bright, no matter what. I'm bright, and I think so myself, but I'm also fast.
I feel that I'm generally fast at making decisions, taking action, quitting, or giving up on things.

Honma:
What do you think about that yourself?

Ran:
My mindset is, 'Why not just try something, and if it doesn't work out, then it's over,' so the speed at which I try things is very fast, and the speed at which I pull back is also very fast.
Because of that, I don't really have experiences where I get deeply depressed by setbacks or failures.
Even if I get down, it's not like I'm going to die, so I just think I should go to sleep, so I think my personality is relatively easy to live with.

Honma:
Is there anything fun that happened recently?

Ran:
It might sound weird to say this, but every day is fun (laughs).
I think it's fun that I was able to get a job related to children, which is what I really wanted to do, and I think being a theater staff member is fun, and of course, watching my favorites is fun too...
According to my original plan, I was supposed to be married and living somewhere else by now. But my mother was a bit sad about that, and we talked about how we might not be able to see the cherry blossoms together this year.
But then I thought, 'Wait, we can see them! They're about to bloom!' and I thought that was fun in its own way.
Because I live easily, I don't move around much myself, but I've realized that this is what it means when things around you start moving smoothly when you don't try too hard, so it's fun and I don't really have any unpleasant things happening right now.

Honma:
I see.
I was going to ask about any unpleasant things that happened recently (laughs).

Ran:
Oh! (laughs)
I might look like a goody-two-shoes...
But I don't really dislike people or things. I think, 'That person has that way of thinking,' or 'Maybe there's a reason they got angry,' so...
Oh, maybe the only thing was when I ordered from a catalog gift and there wasn't much I liked, so I ordered by process of elimination (laughs). That's not unpleasant at all, though.

Honma:
That's fine.
Who are your favorites?

Ran:
As you might have guessed, I'm involved with idols and such, so I really like K-POP, and I like everyone in K-POP in general. It's fun to support people who are working hard, so I watch those people regularly and think, 'They're cute, they're cool, I'm happy, thank you for being alive.'

Honma:
Since when have you liked K-POP?

Ran:
I think I've liked it since I was in junior high school. I think I'm from the generation where TVXQ and others started becoming popular in Japan, so I've been supporting them for a long time since then.

Honma:
How do you feel when you are doing 'oshi-katsu' (supporting your favorites)?

Ran:
I'm so happy. It's like I'm just grateful that they exist. I hope they continue their activities for a long time.

Honma:
Do you do your 'oshi-katsu' alone, Ran?

Ran:
I have a friend from junior high school who also likes K-POP, and she gives me all sorts of information, so we talk about the current K-POP scene together.

Honma:
What do you specifically do for 'oshi-katsu'?

Ran:
I think generally that means buying albums, going to fan signing events, or going to concerts, but I don't really do those active things...
Oh, but when I was in junior high and high school, I used to go to those handshake events and concerts for Japanese idols a lot. But with my current way of supporting someone, I listen to radio shows on YouTube, watch content they appear in, or if they debut in a drama, I watch that drama and think to myself, 'I saw you!'
It's more like supporting them through view counts, I guess.

Honma:
What is your favorite food?

Ran:
I like Korean tteokbokki the best. In Japan, I like horumon (offal).

Honma:
What do you like about tteokbokki and horumon?

Ran:
I really love chewy textures, like rice cakes. I love things like gnocchi, mochi, and shiratama—I really love that kind of chewiness. I also like spicy food, so tteokbokki is spicy and chewy, so it checks all the boxes for me.
As for horumon, if I eat too much, I feel a bit sick, but I really love it in small amounts. I like that unique, distinct flavor.

Honma:
Do you eat it often?

Ran:
I eat it often. But I can't really cook horumon at home.
If I'm having hot pot, I choose motsunabe or horumon-nabe a high percentage of the time when I go to a restaurant.

Honma:
How about tteokbokki?

Ran:
I can easily make tteokbokki at home, so I make it often. When I cook, I make the things I like.

Honma:
What is a dish you find yourself making really often?

Ran:
What I make often is... I don't know. Like the japchae I mentioned earlier, it's something where I can get vegetables in. I don't get enough vegetables when I'm out, so I often make things where I can get them in.
I make japchae often, and I also make koyadofu (freeze-dried tofu), kiriboshi daikon (dried daikon strips), kinpira, or some kind of mysterious vegetable stir-fry or simmered vegetables. I make soups often, too.

Honma:
Is there anything that has changed since you started cooking?

Ran:
Before I started cooking, I really only had the mindset of someone who eats, but I realized that cooking doesn't start when you stand in the kitchen; it starts when you go shopping.
You check the fridge to see what you need to make, check expiration dates, think about what to make today, and if you have meat in the freezer, you have to think about defrosting it in the morning—it starts before you even get to the kitchen.
But when I'm by myself, I might think, 'I'll just have something easy from a convenience store today,' but since I'm cooking for someone I want to feed, I realized that someone cooking for you is such an act of love.
I realized that nothing is just made for you without thought, and when I thought about how they must be putting thought into it,I felt loved through just one dish. Now that I've tried it myself.

Honma:
Who is the person you most want to feed right now, Ran-san?

Ran:
I live with my mother right now, so I want to feed her, and my father's 60th birthday celebration is this weekend, and I've declared that I'll cook for him for the first time there, so I want him to eat it too.

Honma:
Will that be a place where the whole family gathers?

Ran:
Yes. My brother was supposed to come, but he lives quite far away, so it looks like he'll be participating online.

Kako: When I wondered if I could be myself, or if our tempos or vibes didn't match, we talked about marriage, and I felt really bad, but the thought suddenly crossed my mind, 'I want to marry someone like me in my next life.'

Honma:
What kind of child were you?

Ran:
I was a child who acted without thinking about the consequences. My mother told me that when I was very small, before I had any memories, I was the kind of child who would wander off the moment she let go of my hand. She said it was terrifying to go out with me because if I saw something that interested me, I would head straight for it. I couldn't sit still and I was full of curiosity.
Looking back at my childhood in elementary and middle school, I really was full of curiosity and did whatever I wanted.

Honma:
Was there anything in particular that you were doing?

Ran:
I liked studying and I think I was pretty good at it. I didn't have one specific thing I was super into in clubs, but I was just really close with my friends and teachers around me, and since I was always in an environment surrounded by people, I have many happy memories when I look back at my childhood, including elementary, middle, and high school.
In my own way, I lived every single day happily.

Honma:
What did you do during breaks in elementary school?

Ran:
In elementary school, I would lead everyone to play on the playground equipment.
I don't think I could sit still, whether it was swinging on the swings or playing tag. It was like, 'Come on, everyone, let's go!'

Honma:
How was it when you became a middle school student?

Ran:
In middle school, it was an all-girls school, and we would make a huge racket during breaks. We'd make a lot of noise in the hallways or in front of our lockers. When we didn't have much time, I'd read novels because I loved them, but I didn't really have much time that I spent alone.
I was just always talking about all sorts of things.

Honma:
How was it when you became a high school student?

Ran:
High school was... we were always together (laughs).
My high school was co-ed, but we were in the same class for all three years. There were about 40 of us. So, we were super close, and even during breaks, I would talk to someone about things going on around us.
We were allowed to bring mobile phones, but I didn't really spend all my time on my phone; I was busy talking.

Honma:
What kind of things would you talk about?

Ran:
Things like the idols we liked, or crushes on boys in our class in the real world, or love stories—I guess that's about it. Or things like what my family was doing.
Looking back, I think it was like that. We would also do a bit of daydreaming together.

Honma:
You weren't in any clubs.

Ran:
Yes. I was in a very laid-back club for about a year in middle school, the dance club. I enjoyed it at first, but it started getting serious, and I thought, 'Maybe I can't handle something that serious,' so I quit after about a year.
After that, I don't know what I was thinking, but I started longing for a home economics club, like one where you make cookies or knit.
It was a combined middle and high school, but there were no middle school members in the high school section. So I looked for friends in my class who wanted to do it, and I managed to recruit about three people. We told the teacher we wanted to start a home economics club, and we had a relaxed, fun time making cookies and cooking with the high school seniors.

Honma:
Was that like in your second and third years?

Ran:
I think that's about right.

Honma:
Did you do any club activities in high school?

Ran:
It wasn't a club activity, but for the annual sports festival, there was something like a cheering squad. I participated every year, dancing and cheering with people mixed from different grades. We practiced for about a month. It was fun.

Honma:
Was that like being a representative for everyone?

Ran:
Oh, not at all. I couldn't dance as a representative, so I was in a position like 'member number one' (laughs).

Honma:
What did you do after graduating from high school?

Ran:
I successfully got into a local public university and studied philosophy for four years. During that time, I joined the drama club, which was my first experience with a proper club activity, and stayed for all four years.
I also did a bit of volunteer work with children for about six months to a year.

Honma:
Was there a reason you decided to study philosophy?

Ran:
When I entered, you know, there are four years of university.

Honma:
Yes.

Ran:
I entered the Faculty of Letters in my first year, but there were many courses, so I looked at everything broadly during the first year. When it came time to choose a major in the second year, I realized philosophy isn't very practical, is it?
It's not advantageous for job hunting at all, butI've always loved the time spent wondering, 'What is this?' or 'Why do we do this?' and thinking about such thingsso.
The professor said that in philosophy, you can think about anything you want—for example, what time is, or what the self is—so I thought, 'If I can think about anything, I want to go somewhere where I can think, since I'm here,' and that's why I chose philosophy.

Honma:
How was it?

Ran:
The classes were fun, and since students who like philosophy gather to discuss things, even if it looked like we were just debating endlessly from the outside, it became an opportunity for me to think a lot and realize that other people think in those ways.
Philosophy wasn't really understood by many, but I'm really glad I did it.
It was fun.

Honma:
Was there a reason you joined the drama club?

Ran:
The reason was that my older brother originally liked theater, and my family likes theater too. Even before I started acting, we would go to the theater as a family from time to time. I thought if I was going to do something, I might as well do something I'd never done before, so I thought, '...Theater?' But it was fun, so I was able to continue for four years.

Honma:
What kind of things did you do specifically?

Ran:
Even though I'm very clumsy, I held a hammer and banged away to make props, memorized lines to stand on stage as an actor, adjusted schedules for various performances, and did PR work—I did a bit of everything.
When I stood on stage as an actor and my family came to watch, they were so happy, so I felt glad that I did it.

Honma:
How was it after you graduated from university?

Ran:
After graduating, I joined a building maintenance company as a new graduate and stayed there for four years. I spent two years in sales and two years in accounting after a department transfer. That company was very homey, and everyone was truly close.
When I decided to resign, I received so many gifts from so many people that I couldn't even carry them all; I left feeling like a minor celebrity.

Honma:
Was that resignation the one you mentioned earlier, this past January?

Ran:
No, that's not it.

Honma:
I see.

Ran:
I worked at two other companies after that.

Honma:
I see.
Could you tell me a little about that time?

Ran:
Yes.
The reason I resigned from the first company—even though the company and the people were great—was that I suddenly thought, I want to get married and I want to raise children.
When I thought about that, I realized time is important. Seeing the working moms around me, they looked quite busy, and there's the time for picking up kids, right?
So when I thought I needed to switch to a job I could do from home, where I could acquire a skill and choose my own location, the timing was just right, and I thought, 'It's IT! In this day and age, I might be able to do various things if I'm in IT!' so I decided my next company would be in IT.

I went to a place that accepted beginners, and the company itself was very fun, and the people I worked with were also great, but the reason I quit after about half a year was that the site I was assigned to was very far away, taking probably a little over two hours one way from home.
That was when I realized for the first time that no matter how good the environment is, commuting is a huge stress, and I decided I couldn't commute for over two hours every day, so I resigned from there as well.

Honma:
Yes.

Ran:
During those six months, I was still completely inexperienced, so I didn't have many opportunities to get deeply involved in IT. However, I thought, 'Next, I'm going to do something like programming and acquire a professional skill!' so I got a job at a company I recently left. I probably left that one in less than a year too, but even though I was inexperienced, they hired me for development.
There was the fun of doing the programming I wanted to try and actually building sites and seeing them work, and of course, the workplace wasn't that far away either.

But if you asked me if the work itself was fun, I'd be like, 'What is it?' I often wondered what I was doing this for, and unlike my previous company, it was a workplace where there was only one person to talk to, so there were times when I didn't talk to anyone at all.
I started to wonder, 'Did I not use to talk this much?' and that was probably slowly becoming a source of stress.

Honma:
Yeah.

Ran:
At the beginning of the year, it was decided that my workplace would change again, and it seemed like it would be the same kind of situation at the new place, so I thought I'd try changing my environment. I thought maybe IT isn't for me.
At that time, this is a private matter, but I had a boyfriend I'd been with for a long time. We had almost reached the point of getting engaged, but at the last minute, I started thinking, 'Is this okay? What should I do?' and I ended up breaking up with him too.
I felt like I didn't necessarily need to have plans for marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, or acquiring a professional skill in the immediate future, so that's how I arrived at my current situation.

Honma:
May I ask the reason why you decided to break up with your partner?

Ran:
At first, I fell for him really hard, and we started dating after I made a full-on 100% attack on him.
After dating for a long time, he was truly a good person—someone I could proudly introduce to people important to me—but I started to think that maybe there is such a thing as not being compatible as human beings.
For example, I'm quite talkative, and my energy is super high even in the morning.
So, if I'm that kind of optimistic person, he was the opposite—quiet, calm, and level-headed. I was probably attracted to that at first, but...

When our tempo and energy levels are different, I end up becoming quiet and subdued along with him, and the 'me' that I like doesn't really come out. I started thinking, 'Huh? Aren't I more cheerful when I'm with other people?' or 'Don't I seem to be having more fun?'
When it came to whether I could be myself, it felt a bit different, and when we talked about things like marriage, I felt like our tempo and energy didn't match. I felt really bad, but the thought suddenly crossed my mind, 'I want to marry someone like me in my next life.'

When I told my brother, whom I trust, he said, 'Why don't you just do that in this life instead of the next?' and I thought, 'That's true.' I wondered what I was saying about the next life when I haven't even gotten married in this one yet.
When my mother asked me, 'Do you love him?', I apparently answered, 'If he breaks up with me, he might die.'
Thinking about it now, I wonder what that was all about. I think that if you love someone, you should be able to answer 'I love him' immediately when asked. I wondered what 'I love him because he'll die if we break up' meant. So, while I think he's a great person, I felt a sense of discomfort about wanting to be with him from now on, so I think I broke up with him through tears.

Honma:
About how long were you dating?

Ran:
Including everything, we were together for a little less than five years.

Honma:
Who initiated the breakup?

Ran:
It was me.

Honma:
How did you feel when you actually broke up?

Ran:
I had a friend who had dated someone for a long time and broken up, and she told me it would be really hard to get over. So I was prepared for that.
For about a week right after we broke up, I cried in the morning, cried when I went places, cried when I remembered him... but maybe it's my personality, I didn't feel that crushed.
Now, if I happen to pass by him somewhere, I genuinely hope that he has a good family—or maybe not even a family, but just a good person by his side—and that he isn't lonely.I want him to look happy.

Honma:
Thank you.
What is the most important thing to you? It can be a person or an object.

Ran:
The most important person is, as always, myself.
If I am at rank zero, then my mother is number one. But since I want everyone to think of themselves as the most important, too,I am the most important.

Honma:
What do you mean by wanting everyone to think that way?

Ran:
I often think about this when watching my mother; she often puts herself last.
For example, she might say, 'I actually want A, but for everyone's sake, shouldn't it be B?' But I think, if you really care about yourself, shouldn't it be A?
I believe that if you aren't happy yourself, you can't make those around you happy. You can't pour water for someone else if you're empty yourself, right?
If you think about your own happiness first, you'll look happy, and people are drawn to happy people because they're exciting to be around.

Honma:
Yeah.

Ran:
Looking at the free school where I work now, there are many children who think of others first, so I tell them, 'It's okay to put yourself first,' and 'It's okay to start with what you like.'
I think not many people answer 'myself' when asked about important things or people, so if everyone could think of themselves first, they could satisfy themselves first, and I think it would be great if that spread to those around them.

Mirai: If we're going to die anyway and turn to ash, even if I think about doing something tomorrow or a year from now, if I think that tomorrow or a year from now I might be ash, I can think, 'Let's do it now, let's do what I like now.'

Honma:
Imagining 5 years, 10 years from now, and even further until the time you die, what kind of image do you have of the future?

Ran:
Before I quit my job, I used to plan my life in one-year increments, like what age I would get married and what age I would get pregnant.
But now I think that life doesn't go according to plan at all, so I don't really think about 5 or 10 years from now.
When I was studying philosophy at university, I studied time very hard, but in the end, the future is just a continuation of the present, isn't it? The future doesn't just suddenly arrive as a time.
I want to believe that if I live happily and enjoyably now, it will lead to a fun future.

But, 5 years, 10 years from now...
Maybe a vague, warm future where my cute children, my husband, my parents, and my siblings are all healthy.
I've stopped thinking about concrete things like 'I'll do this and that at this time.'
I think I'll meet people when I'm meant to meet them, and do things when I'm meant to do them.

Honma:
What kind of husband would you like?

Ran:
I like watching romance variety shows, and they often start by asking, 'What is your ideal type?'
When I watched that and thought about how I would answer, I thought I would like someone warm.
Their actions, their way of thinking, and their words—I want someone who is warm overall, someone who makes me wonder how they can come up with such warm words or perform such warm actions.

Honma:
Is 'warm' different from 'kind'?

Ran:
Hmm. I wonder if it's similar to kind.
Maybe it's closer to something that wells up from within, like being overflowing with love.

Honma:
What kind of family would you like?

Ran:
As for a family, I was really raised with love, and no matter what I did, I was always affirmed with 'That's great, how cute,' so I want to be that kind of parent too.
If I have children, everything they do will be all OK, like just being alive is wonderful.
I think I'll probably be happy just watching them from the side, so I want to live with a feeling of gratitude.

Honma:
Is that similar to the feeling of 'oshi-katsu' (supporting a favorite idol/character)?

Ran:
That's right. That might be it (laughs).
But I really want them to live a long and healthy life. I want them to do what they love.

Honma:
Listening to you so far, I feel that you are a person who cares about those around you. Do you act with others in mind in your part-time job or daily life as well?

Ran:
I haven't really had the experience of being disliked by people, and looking back, I've always been liked by many different people.
But maybe that's because, whether unconsciously or consciously, I basically start everything with 'like'.
I start from a positive place, so no matter what is done to me, it doesn't become negative, it just goes to zero. I basically start by 'liking' that person, so I get interested, and since I think there's a meaning to us interacting, I want to cherish it.
So, people might say I watch or think about those around me a lot, but maybe it's because I have that 'like' feeling.
I'm happy you said that.

Honma:
If you had a life where you couldn't have relationships with people around you, what kind of life do you think it would have been?

Ran:
Like an image of being alone on a desert island? (laughs)
But if I knew from the beginning that my life would absolutely not involve people, I think I would have spent my time happily singing and dancing alone.
If that were the case, I'd just accept it, and I'd probably try to get animals involved, play a flute, and wonder if I could become friends with them (laughs).
Even if there are no words, even if we don't understand each other, I'd be happy if I could just feel that they are there, look into their eyes, feel their body temperature, or understand even a little bit of something.So I might end up getting something involved.

Honma:
Do you feel that you can understand each other even without words in your daily life?

Ran:
I've never raised an animal, but I really love cats, and when I see a stray cat on the road, I stop and watch it for a long time.
If I watch them for a long time, they come over to me, and I wonder, did they sense something? Did they sense my feeling of really liking them?
Also, when I'm on the train and there are more tourists, I think it's nice that they smile at me when our eyes meet.
I smile back, and even though we aren't talking, I get a good feeling, so maybe that's what it is.

Honma:
Why do you think you've come to believe that people can understand each other even without words?

Ran:
I'm not sure. But even if you're not talking, if you live your life radiating a certain vibe, like 'that person seems like a good person,' or just having an aura about you, it makes the people around you feel good, doesn't it? If someone has a sour look on their face, you don't want to get close to them.
It's best if you can communicate with words, though.

Honma:
You mentioned a few times during this interview that 'just existing is wonderful.' Is there a reason you started thinking that way?

Ran:
My parents raised me that way my whole life.
They never asked me to do anything or achieve anything; they just kept telling me that as long as I was doing what I wanted, doing what I loved, and being there with a smile, that was enough to make them happy.
So even if I fail at something or something bad happens, I can think, 'Well, it's fine. They told me just being alive is enough.'
That's why, when it comes to other people, while it's amazing if they achieve something, of course,I think it's amazing just that they're living happily, and that just being alive is an achievement.
I mean, they managed to wake up in the morning, they were able to sleep at night, and they were able to eat.

When you have time, you feel like you have to do something, don't you? Like you have to use it effectively.

Honma:
Yeah.

Ran:
But I think, isn't it amazing that we're alive right now?

I recently went to a deep-sea fish aquarium with a friend.
Thinking about how the deep sea is still a mystery, my friend and I started wondering, 'Why were humans born?' 'What was the first human?' 'Where did Homo sapiens come from?' It made us realize how mysterious life is, and that just being born is amazing.
I do have times when I feel like I have to do something, but I also think, 'Maybe I wasn't born to do something specific?'
I thought it would be easier if I just realized that being alive is enough, so that's probably my mindset.

Honma:
Conversely, what do you think about death?

Ran:
My grandmother passed away during Obon last year.
Of course, I saw her often and loved her, but it made me realize that the body that was alive just turns to ash when it's cremated.

Honma:
Yes.

Ran:
That was quite a shock. That humans turn to ash.
But I was able to see that in a very positive light. If we're all going to turn to ash anyway, no matter how we live, then there's nothing to be afraid of.
Regarding death, of course I want to avoid pain, cold, or fear as much as possible, but we're all going to die eventually, so I don't think we need to be that afraid.
I think I can do what I want now because I feel that I will die. If I'm going to die and turn to ash anyway, then if I think about doing something tomorrow or a year from now, I realize I might be ash by then, so I think, 'Let's do it now, let's do what I love now.'
I don't have that feeling of 'I hate it, I absolutely don't want to die.'
Since death is coming anyway, I can live happily now.
So, it's like, thanks to the fact that I can die.

Honma:
How do you want to feel in the moment you die?

Ran:
'That was fun! I was so happy! I didn't think I'd die like this! Surprise!' (laughs) I want to keep laughing until the end.
It would be great if it were like the end credits of a play where the curtain falls, and everyone applauds, and I can bow and think, 'That was fun.'

Honma:
To be able to die thinking you were happy, what would need to be the case?

Ran:
First, that I'm living healthily, that the people I love around me—my family and any new family—are also living healthily, and that the people around me are doing everything they want to do.
I think happiness can be as simple as that, so I just want everyone to be healthy, stress-free, and doing what they want to do.

Honma:
Is there anything you feel you can't die until you've done?

Ran:
If I get married, I want to see my husband, and I want to see my children.
As for what I want to do, I'm doing it now...
Oh, I can't die until I see my parents pass away. I don't want to die before them.
I can't die until I've seen my mom and dad pass away properly.

Honma:
Do you have any final words?
Whether it's like a will, a message to the readers, or just talking to yourself, please share if you have anything left to say.

Ran:
Including myself, and including those reading this...
I'm really very happy right now, but at the beginning of the year, I was thinking, 'What should I do? All my plans have fallen apart, my life might be over,' and I was crying. Even someone as high-energy as me was crying from the morning. I really want to convey that things will work out no matter what.
I don't know how I'll be spending May or June, but really, regarding what you want to do or what you like,I think it's totally fine to run away from things you don't like, and if you feel like something is wrong, you can definitely change direction.
So, with the hope that everyone, including myself, is happy right now, I want to tell those who are crying or having a hard time that I've been there too, and things will definitely work out, so let's all live happily.

Honma:
Thank you very much.

Afterword

You cannot reset your life, but you can correct it.
No matter how old you are, as long as you are alive.

It was an interview that made me realize that!
[Interview, Editing, and Afterword: Yumino Honma]

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