People who think, 'Don't Japanese people endure things a lot?'

Once upon a time, there was a village where a young man named Patience lived. From a young age, Patience grew up feeling, "Don't Japanese people endure things a lot?"
In the village, many people lived by suppressing their own feelings and conforming to those around them. Patience saw every day how people would say "I'm fine" even when they were in trouble, push themselves by saying "I can still do it" even when they were tired, and accept things by saying "It can't be helped" even when they were dissatisfied.
The teaching that "endurance is a virtue," passed down from the grandparents' generation, was deeply rooted in the village, and phrases like "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down" and "harmony is to be valued" became the code of conduct for the people.
Patience himself had lived according to those teachings. At school, he swallowed what he wanted to say; at work, he did not refuse unreasonable demands, prioritizing the harmony of those around him over his own feelings.
One day, a traveler came to the village. The traveler, named Expression, was someone who clearly stated his thoughts and expressed his emotions honestly. At first, the villagers were puzzled by Expression's way of being, but they gradually opened their hearts to his honesty and sincerity.
Patience asked Expression, "Why are you able to express your feelings so honestly? Doesn't that ruin your relationships?"
Expression smiled and replied, "Endurance is also important. However, if you endure too much, you may lose sight of yourself. A balance between moderate endurance and appropriate expression builds healthy relationships."
Expression continued, "Japanese people certainly endure a lot. That is a beautiful culture, but sometimes that endurance can cause suffering for oneself and those around them. Isn't it just as important to cherish the true feelings that lie beyond the endurance?"
Patience was made to think deeply by those words. It became an opportunity to re-examine the values he had taken for granted for so many years.
From then on, Patience began to change little by little. Instead of enduring everything, he gained the courage to speak up about what was truly important, and he learned the difference between necessary endurance and necessary expression.
One time, when an unreasonable plan was proposed at a village meeting, Patience stood up quietly. He asked, "I think this plan is unreasonable. What do you all think?" The villagers, who were surprised at first, gradually began to speak their true feelings, and a better plan was born.
Later, Patience told the young people of the village, "Don't Japanese people endure a lot? That is sometimes a virtue and a strength. But enduring is not the only virtue. Cherishing your own feelings and speaking up when necessary—that, too, might be a virtue of a new era."
And so, the proverb "Wise endurance and courageous expression are both treasures of humanity" spread from this village.
And they lived happily ever after.
That was the preface for the 1053rd Namonaki Interview, written at 5:43 PM on April 15, 2025, by someone who thinks that!!!!!

[Preface: qbc / Yasuhiro Kuribayashi (Writer / Organizer of Namonaki Interview)]

Joining us this time is Hashibirokou!

Age: Early 30s
Gender: Male
Occupation: Unemployed (Creator, Tarot Reader)

Current state: There are times when I think living is a hassle.

Mun:
What do you do now?

Hashibirokou:
I'm not working right now. I'm mostly active online. I like stationery like notebooks, and regarding that, I post columns on note or my blog about things like notebook techniques or my own life.

I also do YouTube, so I talk on YouTube, that's one thing, and I'm also active as a tarot card reader.

Right now, I'm not taking money from anywhere, but starting this month, I'm doing it as a volunteer.

I'm recruiting on social media and doing free tarot readings for those who want them.

Mun:
What specifically do you talk about on YouTube?

Hashibirokou:
On YouTube, what I mainly talk about is notebooks. Like how to write in them, or why notebooks are good.
It's not just about the notebooks themselves, but I probably write in my notebook dozens of times a day at home.
I write down various things I think about, and I really just write about trivial things.

I write about these things I've jotted down as content. For example, saying that I write even more trivial things in my notebook.

Also, I like to write while looking at my notebook. In my recent entries, there are many times I get negative, and there are occasional entries asking if it's okay to be doing this, which happened before too.

So I talk on YouTube about whether it's okay to just write in my notebook every day.

Mun:
I think you've been writing various things on note for a long time, but why do you write them?

Hashibirokou:
Originally, I've probably had a desire since I was little to write things or create my own works.I spent seven years as a working adult, but I was overwhelmed by work, and due to work stress, I developed a mental disorder and became unable to work.

But, I do have a lot of time to myself now.
So, rather than just spending time blankly, I decided to do the things I like that I hadn't been able to do until now, and I'm writing as a form of rehabilitation.

Mun:
Sorry, the part about becoming unable to work, maybe the sound quality is bad. It's a little hard to hear.

Hashibirokou:
The reason I became unable to work is that I have depression, and it's severe, though you probably can't tell from the way I'm talking. There were various causes, but right now, the stress of the work itself is the main thing.

Two or three years ago, my workplace was a psychiatric hospital. I had been working as a social worker for a little under ten years, ever since I graduated from university.

I was working in that workplace, on a social worker team, but the work environment changed significantly and the workload increased dramatically, which led to insomnia.
The lack of sleep and the subsequent explosion in workload, that put a lot of strain on me, and I ended up unable to work. So, it feels like I ended up with depression and couldn't work anymore.

Mun:
How do you feel when you are writing your notes?

Shoebill:
It's fun, above all else.
When I write notes, my stance is that I place a lot of importance on humor and being playful.

Sometimes I write about negative things, but since I'm lucky enough to have people read them, I try to write things that make me feel happy while I'm writing.

Also, isn't being playful fun? So, it feels like I have both a desire to be happy and a desire to nurture that.

Mun:
What made you start doing tarot?

Shoebill:
For tarot, I have a wife, and she has a longer history with tarot, so I would hear her talk about it sometimes. I wasn't really interested at all at first. However, since I became unable to work like this, and because I couldn't work, my activities on note and YouTube, as well as my focus on my inner self, or rather, diving into my own spiritual world, has increased significantly.
When I was thinking about whether there was something I could do to get to know myself better or to understand people other than myself, I remembered that my wife used to do tarot cards. So, I asked her about them, and since she had tarot books, I borrowed them and read them, and that was the trigger that got me hooked.

Mun:
What were the elements that got you hooked?

Shoebill:
When you do tarot, whether it's something you want to know yourself or when someone asks you to find something out for them, you put your thoughts into the question, and when you draw the cards, they sometimes hit the mark.

That, first of all, is very mysterious and simply interesting,and it's not just about reading for myself, but when I read for others and get comments like 'this was a hint for the future' or 'you encouraged me,' I'm really happy. That's probably the reason I got hooked.

Mun:
I see. By the way, when did you start?

Shoebill:
Let's see. I actually started around August of last year, during the Obon season, I think. Since then, I only did readings for myself, my family, and relatives, but I only started doing readings online about two weeks ago, since the beginning of this month.

Mun:
Whether it's your wife or people around you, what kind of personality are you often told you have, Shoebill-san?

Shoebill:
I'm told I don't get angry much. Besides not getting angry, and this isn't something I'd say about myself, but when I'm prompted,I'm told I have a surprisingly interesting side,something like that.

Mun:
What do you think yourself?

Shoebill:
I am aware that I'm not the type to get angry, but the idea that I'm interesting when I talk doesn't really click with me.
But since people around me, from my student days until now, say so, I'm half-doubting whether that might actually be the case.

Mun:
Other than that, how do you see your own personality, or you can be objective about it?

Shoebill:
I think I'm lazy. I'm a procrastinator, or rather, I'm hopelessly lazy.

Mun:
In what ways do you feel that?

Shoebill:
First of all, tidying up. For example, I'm good at throwing things away, like gathering various things and putting them in a bag to throw them out, I can do that. But, for example, since my children are still small, they pull out toys and adult items and turn everything upside down. Sometimes it gets like that. I'm bad at returning things to where they were, or maybe it's just a hassle. So, I end up putting different things in different places, and my wife gets angry at me, which is an everyday occurrence. I'm lazy about tidying up, and it's a bit hopeless, but
there are times when I think living is just a hassle.

Mun:
By the way, is there any food you like, Shoebill?

Shoebill:
I eat fish often. Fish, and also bones.

Cartilage, and something I ate recently was chicken xiphoid cartilage, the pointy kind, or knee cartilage. I eat things like chicken wings, and for fish, I eat saury or salmon. I think I have my own personal trends at the time, and right now, it feels like it's fish and bones.

Mun:
What is it that you like about the things you're into right now, like fish?

Shoebill:
I have a feeling it might be good for my body. You know how canned mackerel and such have DHA or EPA written on the outside of the can, right?
I'm currently taking a significant amount of medication for depression, so my blood condition probably isn't very good.
I forgot where I saw it, but I heard that if you want to clean your blood, that kind of fish is better, so I've been eating canned mackerel and fish.

Past: While harboring anxiety, I was having fun.

Mun:
Then, moving on to questions about your past, what kind of child were you?

Shoebill:
I have memories starting from around age four.
I mainly lived with my family, or rather my maternal grandparents, and I was a grandfather's boy.
My grandfather played with me a lot, and he would play all sorts of pranks. He liked making traps. For example, you know how toy pistols have gunpowder, or firecrackers, right? He would take that... you can actually tinker with it to make it explode easily.
He would tinker with that and hide it in my grandfather's socks; I was doing dangerous things.Like sticking thumbtacks in things, but my grandfather was kind, and I was rarely scolded.

Being a prankster like that was from age four to five, probably until just before I entered elementary school,I was just doing pranks all the time.

After entering elementary school, I became nervous. I was worried about everything, and I would get anxious about anything and everything. I would often get stomach aches. I had a past like that, and it seems common in nervous children, but I would have what's called cyclic vomiting syndrome, where I would throw up. Getting sick and throwing up was something that would happen periodically, repeating every two or three months.

Because of that, I would often worry about various things, or think about things that were pointless or trivial, and I think I was an anxious child.

Mun:
What kind of things were you worried about, for example?

Shoebill:
When I was in elementary school, within the family, or rather, my parents' relationship was terrible.

They got along so poorly that I didn't want to see them fighting. So, I would be on edge wondering when the next fight would happen, or I would think about various things like whether I had some terrible disease.
For example, I would have moles, and some were normally raised moles, but just because a mole was slightly raised, I would worry that it was some kind of bad tumor or a bad disease that had turned into a mole, things like that.

Mun:
What were your human relationships like?

Shoebill:
I think my human relationships were good. I had a lot of friends, so I played with them quite a bit at school, and I would go to their houses on holidays or have them come over. Quite a bit.

Mun:
What was your personality like in middle and high school?

Shoebill:
I was probably still nervous in high school, but compared to elementary school, I felt like my mental state was toughened up by club activities, so my nervousness became a bit milder, and after entering high school, it felt like my tendency toward nervousness settled down even more.

Since I was a captain in my club during high school, I feel like I had become a rather active personality around that time.

Mun:
Did you go on to university?

Shoebill:
Yes. I went to university.

Mun:
What was your personality like at university?

Shoebill:
For university, I went to a welfare-related school—there are various courses, but I entered the welfare course. It was a four-year university. As for my personality... I think I was probably just as prone to worrying as ever, but if I think about my school days, including elementary school through university, I feel like I was the brightest during that time.

I studied what I wanted to study, and since part-time jobs were prohibited in high school, I tried working part-time for the first time after entering university, which was fun. But even while carrying that tendency to worry, I was having a good time.

Mun:
What was the reason you chose to go into a welfare-related course?

Shoebill:
I was originally interested in psychology and simply wanted to study it, so I was planning to go to a university with a specialized psychology course. But then I thought, if I go out into the world and say, 'I studied psychology,' that's just studying, and nothing really remains from it. I wondered what I should do, and when I looked into it, I realized it would be better for my career to go to a university where I could obtain mental health-related qualifications, like a Clinical Psychologist or the qualification I hold, a Mental Health Social Worker. So, I decided to go into the welfare field.

Mun:
You mentioned that you were the brightest during your university years; could you tell me specifically what kind of student you were?

Shoebill:
At university, especially in welfare, I think there are many people who gather there because they want to do that specific thing.

The university I went to, while it was welfare-focused, within the welfare field, it was a course that felt specialized in psychology, or rather, close to a psychology major. So, it had an atmosphere where 'strange people'—or rather, slightly eccentric people—who were interested in that direction gathered. Unlike high school, each of my friends had a strong personality, and I thought there were many interesting people. I enjoyed being in that kind of human relationship.

Mun:
You can name as many as you like, but if you were to identify turning points in your life so far, where would you place them?

Shoebill:
The one that comes to mind first is when I became ill. I think I developed depression around the spring of 2022. Before I got sick, I worked full-time normally and had a lot of physical stamina.

I did things like so-called morning activities, went to work, woke up early, worked full-time, sometimes had overtime, and then went home to do various things around the house, and even pursued hobbies. That was normal for me; it was taken for granted.

After developing a mental disability, I couldn't do that anymore and couldn't push myself. So, everyone has the same 24 hours in a day, right?

Even within those 24 hours, when I think about it in my own case, I realized that I really need to be careful about how I distribute my physical energy, and I truly felt that resting is important.

For the nearly ten years I had been in the workforce until then, although there were difficult times, it was rewarding, so even if I was somewhat tired, I didn't take much time off. I don't remember ever taking paid leave. I kept working continuously, so I think that's why I broke down. Because I really kept going without resting, I realized the importance of being a little kinder to myself.

In the sense that I realized it's okay to take life a bit easier, the illness became a turning point.

Future: I think I might become a person where everything I want to do is integrated, and there is only fun—what should I call it—just pure enjoyment.

Mun:
Next, I would like to ask a question about the future. Imagining five years from now, ten years from now, or even until the end of your life, what kind of image do you have for the future?

Shoebill:
I want to make a living for myself through the activities I'm doing now, like my tarot activities and my work on note.
I want to be able to support my family, so I hope that happens. That's why I'm doing things like tarot as a volunteer, writing various things on note, and posting on YouTube as a way to lay the groundwork. I hope those seeds sprout, and within five years, I want to be able to support my family through those activities.
As of now, I think five years from now is the limit of what I can imagine.

Conversely, before dying, or rather, around the time of death, it might be a bit easier to think about. If possible, I'd like to make it to about 80, and by 80, my children will probably be independent and I'll be in my prime working years, so I hope I'll have the opportunity to spend time relaxing with my wife.

Mun:
When you reach a state where you can make a living from what you are doing now, what kind of emotions do you think you will have and what kind of person do you think you will be? It can be about emotions, personality, or anything.

Shoebill:
I think I'll probably be having too much fun to handle.
Up until now, work was something I wanted to do, the work at the psychiatric hospital. It felt like half the work I wanted to do and half I didn't, and there was a strong sense of being forced to do it.

But the activities I'm doing now are things I purely want to do, so if I could make a living from those activities, I think the boundary between work and play would disappear.
I think everything I want to do will become one, and I will become a person who is just having fun, or what should I call it, just pure enjoyment.

Mun:
What kind of things do you do that make you feel like you're having fun?

Shoebill:
For example, regarding my activities on note, I've been writing essays a lot lately, and the moment an idea flashes and I turn it into something is fun. Also, doing tarot readings and being told that it was accurate or that things went well when they followed my advice, that kind of thing is really fun.

Mun:
Yes. Yes. But for the next question, if you hadn't developed depression three years ago in the spring, what kind of life do you think you would be living now?

Shoebill:
I would have continued working at the psychiatric hospital. And I think I would have been spending my time energetically. The lack of physical strength is clearly gone; I really lost my stamina.

Even within a single day, there's a time limit; I have to sleep for about 10 hours at night and then take a 3 or 4-hour nap during the day just to keep my sanity, so to speak. It's like that.

This wasn't the case before I got sick, so 7 hours, or 8 hours at most, was enough. Sometimes when I was really tired, I would sleep for 9 hours, but it wasn't like it is now.

I probably would have maintained a high energy level. Also, I have small children, and it takes a lot of energy to play with them.
Playing with children is hard, and when I go to the park, I see dads of my own generation playing with their kids. Seeing that makes me feel envious, or something like that.
There were many times when I would run out of energy just getting to the park, or I would feel so bad that I couldn't even prepare to leave the house, so if I hadn't fallen ill, I think I would have been working hard on weekdays and spending time with my family on weekends.

Mun:
Finally, whether it's a last will and testament, a message for readers, a way to talk to your current or future self, or your thoughts on having been interviewed for an hour, please leave any final words you might have.

Shoebill:
To the readers, this is something I'd like to convey: I think everyone should cherish themselves more.

Lately, I don't know, Japan itself isn't heading in a very good direction, and I don't know if it's appropriate to talk about economics, but people are struggling financially, and I think it's related to that, but the incidence of mental illness is at an all-time high, with about 6 million people a year suffering from some kind of illness, including depression, and the number of suicides is generally over 30,000 a year.

Honestly, I don't think there's any need to die. People worry more than necessary when they don't have to. I think the lack of peace of mind, pressure from those around you, and the excessive pressure you put on yourself are probably becoming very strong in Japan.

I thought about this when I was working, too, but Japanese people are very patient, aren't they?

I think it's the same with work and everything else; there are so many people who push themselves to the limit, and only after they get sick or collapse do they finally choose to take a break, and I think about that when it comes to working in Japan.

Also, since it's a hospital, there were many times when a patient I had been talking to normally just two or three days ago would commit suicide. When I look back on things like that and realize they were actually suffering, I felt that people should not push themselves too hard, that it's okay to live more casually, and that I don't want them to blame themselves too much.

In the end, I think there will always be times when you are blamed by others. In today's world, with all the tension and talk about quotas, I think there are many times when you get blamed. But when it comes to yourself, I really felt that you, at least, should not blame yourself.

Mun:
That concludes the interview. Thank you very much.

Shoebill:
Thank you very much.

Afterword

Finding yourself even amidst social pressure.
I feel that this was an hour that I hope will help more people realize this and take action before they develop mental health issues.
Shoebill-san, thank you for sharing your story with me.

I also talk about Note on YouTube. Please feel free to come and visit if you'd like.

[Free Tarot Reading] I do tarot readings as a hobby, completely free and concluded via anonymous chat 🔮👁️ Please feel free to request one.

I also accept free readings via X DMs ✨
https://x.com/hashibiro_home/status/1902242944067010618?t=j4iFq04mlEL0rBr3UyakGA&s=19

[Interview, Editing, Afterword: Mun]

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