Someone who wants to make Japan a society that is easier to live in

A package I had never seen before was sitting on my doorstep.
These days, because people in logistics are under so much stress, the idea that there's no need to hand packages directly to the residents has become widespread. It's a time when packages are just left at the doorstep, and since they send an email notification after dropping it off, that's supposed to be fine, right? So, lately, it's become more common for packages to just appear at my door.
That in itself wasn't something I particularly worried about, as they don't really get stolen, but the package left at my door this time had a strange appearance. It was a rectangular shape, big enough to hold something like a 5kg bag of rice. It was shaped like a box, but it looked a bit unusual.
It looked like leather, similar to unborn calfskin. Maybe it was a box covered in unborn calfskin. I think it's unborn calfskin because it has fur. The fur is aligned in a uniform direction, and the tips of the fur are illuminated by the afternoon sun. It's definitely not cardboard. The color was green. Why green? Let's touch it.
I touched it.
There was no doubt, I thought, it's unborn calfskin. The fur felt a bit sticky to the touch, but also had a firmness that suggested a solid core. This was a box tightly covered in green-dyed unborn calfskin. It must have been a wooden box filled with contents, then wrapped in unborn calfskin.
Unborn calfskin, or 'harako' in Japanese, is apparently made from the skin of a calf taken from the womb. That's why it's called 'harako'—'hara' meaning womb and 'ko' meaning child.
Even so, did I order this package? I had no memory of ordering anything.
Surely it must be something my wife ordered. Once I could guess who ordered it and understood the true nature of the green box, my mind felt somewhat at ease. The plan I had just impulsively thought of—to post it on social media and get some attention—was called off.
The green, which just a moment ago felt alien and otherworldly, now reminds me of the dazzling green of a golf course.
I hope you have a good day. Please continue to support the 'Namunami Interview' from here on out as well (Organizer: qbc).

Joining us this time is Totomaru-kun!

Current status: From the perspective of the general public, I don't think there are many people who have someone going to a doctoral program right in front of them, so I'm treated as quite a rarity.

Ishii: What kind of work do you do now?

Totomaru: Right now, I'm 26 years old, but I'm still stubbornly a student.
I'm a third-year doctoral student. A doctoral program is the final year of a path that includes graduating from a four-year undergraduate program, then two years of a master's program, and then an additional three years. That means I've been attending the same university for nine years now.

Ishii: So it's not that you were held back a year or anything, but you've really completed all the processes and are here until the very end.

Totomaru: That's right. I entered straight through. I didn't take a gap year, I didn't repeat any years, and if I continue straight through, I'm scheduled to get my degree around age 27. If I submit my thesis properly next March. I don't know if I'll get it, though.

Ishii: This might relate to what you're studying, but why did you decide to study that far?

Totomaru: There is a field of study called safety engineering, which I don't think is very familiar to the world, and I didn't know about it at all when I entered university. I'm doing that safety engineering study now.

When I first chose a university, I originally wanted to do something with new energy, like hydrogen, so I chose chemistry as a field I could get involved in that with. From there, I took various classes, and in my third year of undergraduate studies, I happened to take a class by my current professor and encountered this field of safety engineering for the first time. At that time, the professor was explaining what kind of field safety engineering is, and the words that left an impression on me were, 'Safety engineering is a humanitarian field.' Humanitarianism has a meaning close to 'the way of humanity' or 'humanism'.

What that means is that what we mainly deal with as the subject of safety is science and technology. One of those things is new hydrogen energy and such, but in order to use that science and technology safely in the world, we have to appropriately control and manage the dangers and energy that science and technology possess. At that time, what's important is that such science and technology exist solely for 'humans to live affluent lives.' Safety engineering exists as a field to think about the importance of humans living affluent lives, and I was told it's a field that considers the relationship between humans and science and technology. So, I thought, 'Oh, I see, it's a field that values humans living affluent lives,' which was one reason.
Plus, the fact that I originally wanted to be involved in new energy—those two things combined, and that's how I came to this lab.

I actually intended to finish after the master's program, doing three years from my fourth year of undergraduate to my second year of master's, but on a whim, I stayed and added three more years. Well, those three years are about to end before I know it, but that's how it is. I talked longer than I thought I would.

Ishii: How was your student life? Looking back.

Totomaru: Let's see. In my first and second years of undergraduate, I really spent my time without thinking about anything. I would go to class, though. In my first year, I didn't even have a part-time job; my life was just going to class and going to my club. I played volleyball, so I would go to the volleyball club and come home without working a part-time job. I was also doing one other activity outside of school. I'll talk about that later. Because I was living like that, I wasn't the type who was studying super seriously. I was really just like a normal university student. However, I had a perfect attendance record for classes and was the kind of student who would show up even for first-period classes.

Ishii: You said you were the same as a general university student, but since you were that much the same, does that mean you have a sense that you drifted away a little bit after that?

Totomaru: Indeed, now that you mention it, that's true.

Ishii: In what ways specifically?

Totomaru: What I feel when talking to my peers is that just the fact that I went on to a master's program makes me quite different from other general university students, and people who go on to a doctoral program from there are probably rare enough that, from the perspective of the general public, there are few people who have someone like that in front of them, so I'm treated as quite a rarity. There's also the fact that I'm always asked, 'What are you doing?'
Also, the things I think about on a daily basis don't really align with other people. That's been the case for a long time. I was often called an eccentric. Apparently, what I was thinking was different from others. I might not have been very self-aware of that in the past, though.

Ishii: Are you self-aware recently?

Totomaru: Well, recently, yes. Since entering the master's program, it's like, 'I was thinking about things that people in the world weren't thinking about.' I don't mean to say that I'm superior or anything like that, but it's simply that the things I'm interested in are completely different.

Ishii: From your own perspective, is that trait something you like?

Totomaru: The part about thinking differently? Well, I don't dislike it. I'm not sure if I can confidently say I like it, but I don't dislike it that much. Maybe I'm just not the type of person who wants to flock together. I want to have close friends, but I don't really feel the need to think the same way or share the same feelings. It's fun to talk and get along, though.

Ishii: Do you dislike empathy?

Totomaru: No, rather, it's more like even if I can't empathize, I can still feel like, 'Yeah, that's a way to look at things too.'

Ishii: Do you dislike being forced to do it?

Totomaru: It might just be that I'm not good at 'empathizing with people,' but I also have a feeling of respecting that person's way of thinking, and since it's interesting to hear other people's stories, I feel like it's fine if they're different from me.

Ishii: Are there situations where you find it difficult to empathize?

Totomaru: The reason I've thought that way until now is because I haven't really felt like I've been able to get close to people. For example, I mentioned earlier that I did extracurricular activities during my university life. There was a child-rearing group in the area where I grew up, and there was an activity where local children, their parents, and people from the generation called 'youth'—ranging from high school to university students—would all gather to raise children together. I usually interact with elementary and junior high school students there, but when it comes to whether I'm empathizing with their feelings, I often feel that's not the case. This might not be a very concrete example. Even in my own mind, the feeling of 'this is how it is, so this is why it's like this' is stronger, and while I can accept how others feel, I don't really think, 'I feel the same way.'

Ishii: So understanding and empathy are clearly separated for you?

Totomaru: That's right. I've recently come to realize that.
I've always thought I was bad at understanding people's feelings, but rather than that, I realized I'm actually able to understand them, just not empathize with them.
I sort of understood for myself that understanding and empathy are different. I'm not sure if that's correct, but I think I've reached that understanding.
In that context, I can understand 'what the other person is likely thinking,' but I'm not good at, or rather, I haven't really lived my life being able to, truly get close to that or feel the same emotions as them.
To begin with, I'm not a person with many emotions anyway. Or rather, I'm a person who doesn't have many ups and downs.

Ishii: Do you never feel things like 'fun,' for example, with hobbies?

Totomaru: That's true. My hobby is playing the piano, which I've been learning since I was four, but it's not like I feel it's incredibly fun. For example, you know how there are people who go to Disneyland and go wild? I don't think I could ever do that.

Ishii: Is that a 'won't' or a 'can't'?

Totomaru: It's closer to 'can't,' I suppose. I can't really get that excited. I think I'm calmly smiling. I think I'm smiling, but I don't become like those high-energy college students who are like, 'Yeah!'

Ishii: I wonder, is it a matter of how you express yourself?

Totomaru: It's not just that I'm not expressing it. To begin with, I don't have the sensation inside me of 'my tension is through the roof and the needle is off the charts' at all.

Ishii: What do your friends say you are like?

Totomaru: Let's see. I'm often called the 'eccentric person' I mentioned earlier. What else? It might not be a good way to put it, but 'superficial,'
people who see me as superficial say things like, 'You're kind,' or 'You don't get angry that much.'
Rather than being kind to people, it's more like, 'You don't get angry no matter what happens,' so I might be called a kind person often because of that.

Ishii: Are the friends who describe you as an eccentric person close to you?

Totomaru: Yes. As we get closer, they gradually realize my true nature and start to understand that I'm not such a good person, so they've started saying such harsh things. But even among that, I think there are parts they acknowledge. As for the parts they acknowledge, I guess it's things like being good at studying.

Ishii: Are those people your closest friends?

Totomaru: Yes, that's right. It's a group of friends from high school, and there are both men and women, but those close friends from high school are the ones who treat me the most roughly. I think that's because they understand me and know what kind of person I am, so they feel comfortable interacting with me that way.
Among them, the male friend I'm closest to and I have started communicating more closely again in the last few years. He recognizes my strengths, like my studies or research, but he also says, 'But you have this side to you,' or something like that—I don't remember the specifics, but he calls me an eccentric, and I guess you could say he teases me well.

Kako: It's really cool how you can just jump in when there's a crisis and fill that gap. I thought that way of being active was really cool.

Ishii: What kind of child were you, Totomaru?

Totomaru: Honestly, I don't have many memories I can recall. If I can clearly remember anything from elementary school, it's really just the first or second grade.
To give you a few fragmented examples of what happened, for instance, I was prone to getting lost. I think. I have memories of getting lost a few times.
My earliest memory, if I'm right, is a scene of me doing a jigsaw puzzle while my mother watched over me. I've just decided that's my earliest memory.
And to give you even more fragmented things, there's the episode of me wanting to peel stickers off the wall, things like that.

Ishii: How old were you in that jigsaw puzzle memory?

Totomaru: Probably kindergarten. Around kindergarten age, or maybe between 3 and kindergarten. If it were kindergarten, I'd remember more things, so maybe it was earlier. It's a scene from before I entered kindergarten. Around 3 years old.

Ishii: I see. Do you have any siblings?

Totomaru: I have one older sister. She's three years older than me, so there are two of us.

Ishii: What was your relationship with your sister like?

Totomaru: As for my relationship with my sister, I was raised while being looked after by her quite a bit when I was young, but once she reached middle school, she started treating me like a servant. It wasn't anything too extreme, but it was at the level of her saying, 'Go make me some tea.' And I would just obey without complaining, saying, 'Okay, I made the tea.'

Then, as she moved on to high school, we almost stopped having opportunities to talk, so we were distant for a while.
Once I became a university student, we started talking again when we met, and she would look out for me in one way or another, or buy me things.
When she had just started working and I was still a university student, during that kind of relationship, she would say things like, 'I bought you some clothes,' or she would go shopping for me.
I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her, but I would listen to what she said, and if I thought she was right, I would do as she said.
I'm actually quite quiet at home, but she's the type who talks incessantly without caring that I'm quiet, so relatively speaking, I'm closer to my sister than to my parents.

Ishii: What kind of people are your parents?

Totomaru: I realized recently that when asked what kind of people my parents are, I have absolutely nothing to answer.

Ishii: Even when you look back at past memories?

Totomaru: I have memories of what they did to me, though. For example, what I was scolded for. For instance, I wasn't really told to study, but I was told about having a bad attitude or bad posture—this was mainly my mother. What my mother talked about was my attitude toward people, and my posture as well.

Ishii: So your posture is something you remember quite well.

Totomaru: When I was eating breakfast alone in the kitchen, my mother would be moving around the area, so she would tell me every time. What else? Basically, all the domestic nagging would come my way.
When I was in elementary or middle school, if I was eating breakfast alone at home, my father had already gone to work, and my sister had already left for high school, and only my mother was around, I would end up being the one scolded, including her venting about my father or sister. It was more like listening to her vent about all the frustrations she had built up, that kind of thing happened a lot.
So, I remember that I was 'told things,' but I recently thought about how I would answer if someone asked me, 'What kind of person is your mother?'
If you ask what kind of person she is, it's difficult. My father is the same way. I remember various things my father did to me in the past, too. I'm from the Game Boy generation—do you know what a Game Boy is? It's Nintendo's first generation of game consoles. I remember having a Game Boy and playing it, and if lunch was ready on Sunday but I was still playing, he would snatch it away and throw it into the trash can.

Ishii: That's intense.

Totomaru: Things like that, I definitely remember the intense ones. While I assume there are probably many wonderful memories besides those, those intense memories remain, but I'm at a loss if someone asks me what kind of person he is. He wasn't that short-tempered (my father). Overall, he was a kind person. But there were moments when he would suddenly be in a bad mood. Maybe I just couldn't gauge that. I didn't really know when he would be in a good mood or a bad mood, so while it didn't go as far as me being terrified, the 'spirit of trying not to rub him the wrong way' might have taken root there.

When I try to answer the question of what kind of person I am, it doesn't go well, and I think to myself that it's probably because I wasn't very interested in my parents.

Ishii: Has that been the case for a long time?

Totomaru: It's been that way since I was in junior high school. From around the first or second year of junior high, I gradually became quiet at home. It was like I wouldn't speak to anyone. Before I knew it, I had become the type of person who wouldn't speak to anyone in my family, wouldn't say anything unless it was necessary. It's been like that ever since.

Ishii: So, at school, it's not like you were talkative or anything?

Totomaru: At school, I talk a lot. Of course, I have friends I'm close with, and if anything, I chatter away, laugh a lot, and I think I've lived my life as a fairly cheerful person. Conversely, at home, I don't say a single word. I don't know when it started, but I just ended up like that.

Ishii: I see. Why is that, I wonder? Not talking at home.

Totomaru: My mother often says things like I don't speak clearly or that she can't hear me because my voice is too small. I mean, I understand that, but in the first place, I don't really have anything I want to convey with such a loud voice. The clear turning point was when I started listening to my family's complaints, as I mentioned earlier. Those complaints were mostly about my mother and sister having some kind of trouble. My mother and father didn't really have trouble with each other, so it was mainly my mother and sister. When my sister started junior high and high school, she went through a rebellious phase, and I would hear complaints from my mother about them clashing, and I'd think, 'Can't you just not clash so much?' If you're going to clash that much, I thought it would be better if you just didn't say anything to each other, if you just didn't interfere, and maybe I decided to do that myself. Like, I'll just try not to get involved. It's a hassle to have trouble. That, and also, it's just a hassle to explain various things. Maybe that's my fault. I just don't think we see eye to eye. It might be strange to say that about my parents, though. I probably just don't see eye to eye with them, so I might have thought, 'Is there any need to talk?' So, I do make business communications, like what time I'll wake up tomorrow, whether I need a packed lunch or not, whether I'll eat breakfast or not, or what time I'll be home, but other than that, I don't have any private conversations, like what happened at school or what I'm doing now.

Ishii: Is there anything that has left a deep impression on you or influenced you among the events that have led to where you are now?

Totomaru: Something that influenced me. Let's see, from the people around me, maybe?

Ishii: Any event at all.

Totomaru: As for something that remains in my heart, as I said earlier, I wasn't the type of person who could empathize much with others, so I wasn't the type to watch movies or dramas and be moved to tears. Looking back, there is something I think might have moved me, and that was when I was in elementary school. My father is a baseball fan, a Giants fan, and when I was in elementary school, it was a household where baseball games were often on the TV at the dinner table. The whole family would cheer for the Giants, and there was an impressive game at one point, and looking back, I think that was a game that really moved me. What kind of game was it... are you familiar with baseball?

Ishii: Only to the extent that I can read a baseball manga, I suppose.

Totomaru: I see. It was a game that went into extra innings, about 12 innings. Besides the starting catcher, the Giants had two other catchers, and by the time it was decided in the 9th inning that the game was tied and would go into extra innings, they had already made substitutions and the last one was already playing as catcher. That catcher stepped up to the batter's box, but he was hit in the head by a pitch and couldn't continue playing. At that time, the Giants didn't have a single registered catcher left to substitute, so when it came to who would play catcher in the next inning, someone stepped up, and that person's name was Takuya Kimura.

He passed away from a subarachnoid hemorrhage the following year, but he came out, played as catcher for one inning, and finished the game safely.
He had a little bit of experience as a catcher in the past, but he had only played for a year or two after joining the pros, and he had been a veteran player for over 10 years playing different positions since then. However, he realized that he was the only one who had experience as a catcher, so he jumped into the game, and on top of that, he actually delivered results and came back. That figure of him. I thought that was cool, and it left a huge impression on me.

To look at it a bit more broadly, where I was moved was that when the team was in a real pinch, when there was no one else to replace them and they didn't know what to do, the fact that he could just jump in and fill that gap, that way of playing an active role, I thought that was really cool.
That point of being moved might be connected to how I want to play an active role now, or what kind of work or way of life I want to have, I think now. It's fine when everyone is doing well in normal mode, but when there's a vacancy or a pinch occurs, the feeling of being able to help out or fill that gap and somehow overcome it is an activity that I find very fulfilling. So, that baseball game might be quite memorable.

Future: I hope Japan will be a country where people can live with a little more richness of heart.

Ishii: Does that story relate to your future career choices?

Totomaru: That's right. I think that based on my past experience, there are a few points where I feel I would find the most fulfillment in the situations I just mentioned, so I'm thinking it would be good if I could work in that way, but when I think about what kind of work that is, I can't really see it right now. I wonder what kind of work that would be.

Ishii: Are you currently job hunting?

Totomaru: That's right.

Ishii: That's right.

Totomaru: But I haven't done any job hunting that you'd call typical job hunting. I haven't been able to, and I also haven't really done it. When I was graduating with my master's, I was thinking about whether to go on to a doctoral program or get a job. I did do some so-called job hunting at that time, and I did receive an offer from one company. But even then, after thinking about various things, when I got the phone call saying, 'You've been accepted,' I said, 'I'm sorry, I can't take it.' I don't regret that choice at all now, because I learned a lot by continuing my studies, so I'm glad I did that.

When I think about job hunting again now, I don't feel any motivation to do the kind of job hunting that everyone does all at once, and I have a psychological barrier that makes me feel like I can't really fit into that environment. I guess I just feel like what I want to do isn't there. In the first place, it's normal for students who have earned a doctorate to do their job hunting separately from that, but honestly, I don't feel like doing a job where I can just continue the research theme I'm currently working on, and I don't feel like doing related work either. I've entered a state of complete lethargy and slacking off, so the current situation is that I haven't been able to do any major job hunting.

On the other hand, while it's not what you'd call job hunting, I do go to meet people who seem close to what I want to do, or people who are doing activities I've researched and found interesting. I also get interested in people who started NPOs that appeared in books I've read, and I go to visit the NPOs they created. I do things like that—going to places I think are interesting on my own, even if I don't know if it will lead directly to a job. I don't know if you can call that job hunting, though.

Ishii: Is there anything you've found most interesting recently?

Totomaru: There are two things I found interesting. One is that I've been updating my note blog every day since last July, and someone 'liked' one of my articles. When I looked at that person's blog, I thought they were doing some interesting activities, so I went to meet them. As for what kind of activities they do, this person used to be an elementary school teacher. Originally, they were a teacher who created science lessons where, instead of the teacher unilaterally teaching, the children decided the content and methods of their own learning and even did their own presentations. They quit teaching and started their own place, like a private school for children where they can do inquiry-based learning. I learned about that on their blog.
When I contacted that teacher directly and went to meet them to talk, they mentioned that they wanted to create a community where not only children but also adults could do that kind of inquiry-based learning, so I thought that sounded interesting. Actually, around June of this year, an inquiry-based learning community for adults called 'Adult Inquiry Alley' was launched, and I've been participating in it on my own. I'm enjoying that.

Ishii: So you're currently involved in something you found interesting.

Totomaru: That's right. But it doesn't make any money, so rather than earning a living, it's become just play that I'm doing simply because it seems fun. It might be fun if that were actually my job, though.

The other thing is what I mentioned earlier about the NPO. In a book I happened to buy and read called 'Policy Entrepreneurs,' there is an NPO created by the author. That person thought about whether it was possible to create a nursery school that could take care of children who need medical care, and they actually went and built it. Reading that person's book, I learned that there are people called 'policy entrepreneurs.' Policy entrepreneurs are people who, in order to change current social systems and policies, don't become politicians, but instead start their own businesses to prove that the system or policy can be realized, create a case study, and then take that case study to politicians and appeal to them, saying, 'This is definitely possible, so please change the system.'

The story of how such a person created an NPO appeared in the book, and I thought, 'Wow, that's amazing, that sounds interesting,' so I sent an email directly to their new graduate recruitment address, saying, 'Please let me observe.' Since it's this time of year (September), naturally, new graduate recruitment is over. But they said, 'Sure,' so I went. I was only able to talk for about an hour, but I spoke a little with the person involved in the policy entrepreneurship mentioned in the book and the HR person, and I felt that this way of engaging with society through 'policy entrepreneurship' seemed very interesting. I don't know if I will actually become one or if I can, but I thought it sounded much more interesting than just becoming an ordinary salaryman.

Ishii: What are the commonalities between the two 'interesting' things you just mentioned?

Totomaru: Commonalities, let's see... I guess it's that they don't make much money.

Ishii: So you find things that don't make money more interesting?

Totomaru: That's right. I don't have any desire to earn a lot of money, and I don't have any desire to line my own pockets. I don't need that much money to live. I'm not picky about food, I'm not picky about clothes, and I don't want to live in luxury, so I don't need that much 'personal money,' but I do think I need 'money to do what I want to do.' I think creating an NPO or an inquiry-based learning school is 'money to realize what I want to do,' so I think that's necessary, and that's why I'm concerned about it. I might be thinking that even though I really want to do it, it doesn't seem sustainable because it doesn't generate money. I feel like I'm not answering your question.

Ishii: That's fine. If the constraint of money were removed, would you do it?

Totomaru: If the constraint of money were removed, I might do it. But then you'd just say, 'Then why don't you just do it?' right?

Ishii: If there were no restrictions on money, what is the one thing you would most like to do next year or after that?

Totomaru: If there were no restrictions on money, even though there are various activities I'm involved in now, if I really didn't have to worry about money and could do anything, I would want to have a home in Southeast Asia and do something there.

Ishii: Southeast Asia, not another country?

Totomaru: That's right. When I think about going to a country other than Japan, I still want to continue my activities in Japan, so if it's a place where it's easy to return to Japan, it would be Asia. Among those, I don't really like winter, so Southeast Asia is just right as a place that is warm all year round. I think the distance is close and just right, so I want to do something where I can have a lifestyle of being based in Southeast Asia and returning to Japan periodically. The inquiry-based learning community I mentioned earlier is almost entirely an online community, so I can do it even if I'm not in Japan. However, there are some jobs like the NPO that I might have to be in Japan to do, although on the other hand, there might be some things I can do through remote work.

Another thing is the local child-rearing activity I mentioned at the very beginning; I have a desire to keep that going, albeit in a small way, for a long time. So, I might come back a few times for that, but keep my base of life in Southeast Asia—something like that, I suppose. It's quite abstract, though.
If you ask what I want to do, that's it. Maybe it's the 'life I want to live.' It doesn't feel like work. Maybe it doesn't matter what I do as a job.
But education or children, those might be key themes.

Ishii: Rather than the content of the work, are there conditions regarding other aspects?

Totomaru: That's right. A lot of weight is placed on that side. Ideally, if (the things I mentioned before) could become my work, and I could earn a little money from that, that might be fine. But if I do that, the research I've done up to this point will have nothing to do with it, but I also feel like that's fine too.

Ishii: If you were to make use of your research, what kind of options would there be?

Totomaru: If I were to make use of my research, it would be either continuing my own research while working at a university organization or research institute where I can continue my current research theme, or going to a company that conducts similar research and doing it as corporate research.

Ishii: I don't think you're saying you're completely discarding those options at this point, but what if they were to disappear?

Totomaru: If those disappeared, I think I would think about something completely different. Even if I made my current research-related work my job, I could probably do it to some extent if I belonged to some organization, but I can't really imagine myself feeling fulfilled by that. When I first chose university, I wanted to do something related to hydrogen energy or new energy systems, so I entered university and came this far, but looking back now, I have a feeling that maybe I wasn't a science person in the first place.

Ishii: That's been on your mind for quite a while.

Totomaru: That's right. If anything, I was good at science subjects, I liked math, chemistry, and physics, and I chose my university based on that. Even after I chose chemistry and entered... do you know the difference between the science track and the engineering track?

Ishii: Yes.

Totomaru: When the path split largely between purely pursuing chemistry and thinking about industrial applications called 'engineering,' I thought it would fit me better to go toward new industrial applications rather than purely pursuing something, so I chose the engineering track. But at that time, I might have chosen it because '(I wasn't bad at it, and) it seemed like I could do it.' I realized recently that if you ask me if I had a fundamental interest in it, it might indeed not have been that much. Maybe my fundamental interest was different from the time I chose the university. I didn't realize it at the time.

Ishii: Thank you. What is the one thing you would most like to do before you die?

Totomaru: Before I die, you say? Let's see. Is there anyone who can answer this question?

Ishii: No, it's fine if you can't come up with anything.

Totomaru: No, but I want to answer. What could it be? I'm not really a person who has intensely strong desires. Like the 'wanting to live abroad' I mentioned earlier, it's not like I have an intense feeling that I must do it or I'll be miserable. It's more like, it might be nice to live abroad once as a life experience. Also, considering the current situation in Japan, there's a negative aspect of thinking it might be better to have that option.
Basically, for me, I just end up thinking it would be enough if my acquaintances and the people around me whom I know are living happily and enjoying themselves.
But, when I think about it in terms of 'before I die,' if I had to force myself to say something, what would it be? I want Japanese society to be a bit more livable, or rather, 'wanting it to be' isn't enough; if I could, I might want to make it happen. It might just be a wish rather than something to do before I die.
I guess I want Japan to be a country that is a little kinder to young people. I wonder if I think that because I'm currently classified as a young person. I'm not sure if I'll still think that when I become an adult.
I hope Japan becomes a country where people can live with a bit more peace of mind.

Ishii: Is it not like that now?

Totomaru: That's right, I feel like it's somewhat desolate. Maybe it's like that everywhere, though.

Ishii: Thank you. Is there anything you left unsaid?

Totomaru: Let's see. Looking back on the hour we spent talking today, I felt like I had already found the answer. I feel like the answer is already there within me, but maybe I'm just not choosing it. I was left with the question of what I'm worried about that's preventing me from choosing it. That's what's sticking with me at the end. I don't really understand it myself, but it's like I've tried hard to put into words what I've been vaguely thinking about recently. That's about it.

Afterword

When I asked about things they wanted to do before they die, I was a little surprised when they mentioned the country.

But I thought it was wonderful.
A country that is kind to young people, a country where one can live with a rich heart.

What do you all think as you read this?

I would be happy if I could come across your thoughts somewhere.

Interviewer: Ishii

Editorial Cooperation: Ikinikui Kugi

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