Anonymous Interview: A person who wants to achieve results and stop being seen as an outsider because they are perceived as such by those around them

You can tell when you talk to them, mostly. Like, you're pushing yourself too hard.
Please enjoy this episode with M-san. The content is in the main text!

Joining us this time is megumi-san!

qbc: What do you do for a living right now?

megumi: Right now, I work as a childcare worker at a child welfare facility, supporting children with disabilities, such as those with physical impairments or developmental disorders.
Also, since my company allows any kind of side job, I also work as a writer and a tutor.

qbc: Were you interested in welfare facilities from the beginning?

megumi: Yes. I've wanted to help children since I was a student.
I wanted to be of help to children, and since I personally feel I worked quite hard on things like university entrance exams, I thought I could provide learning support, so I worked as a cram school teacher and a tutor.
While working, I realized there were children I couldn't save just by providing learning support, like at a cram school or through tutoring. That's why I decided to work at a facility.

qbc: I see.

megumi: For writing, there was a strong element of necessity for my livelihood, but now, I am doing it with a sense of purpose.
There is just so much information out there regarding children with so-called disabilities. While tutoring, I really felt that there are many parents who are wondering what on earth they should believe.
But when I get involved with a child as just one tutor, I can contribute to that child's life, but the impact isn't that big, so to speak. The fact that it's only for that one child was really bothering me.
If that's the case, I thought that by turning proper support methods and guidance policies into knowledge and sending them out into the world, I might be able to have a higher social impact. I thought that one method to do that could be through web media or writing.

qbc: Yes.

megumi: If so, I'll acquire those skills first. I'll study support thoroughly in the field. Since I'm going to be a working student soon, I'll acquire support and guidance skills through my studies, so I thought that if I wanted to know how to achieve high social impact with a sense of speed, it would be through web media. So, I have an image of working on two axes.

qbc: What do you mean by two axes?

megumi: Direct support like care and guidance, and acquiring marketing methods that envision indirect support like media—those two axes.

qbc: Support and marketing—it sounds like you're talking about slow and fast at the same time.

megumi: To me, it feels very normal. But within my workplace relationships, I feel like I'm quite an outlier.
I don't know, I think there are people who want to do something directly for the children in front of them, but I feel like not many individual employees think as far as social impact. I think business owners might think that way, though.

qbc: I see.

megumi: I used to work at a social venture where I felt this worldview lacked stimulation, and the representative there had that kind of sensibility.
Thinking about doing this for preparation and achieving this result. Thinking about acting in a way that helps these kinds of people for that purpose.
It's a hardcore venture company.

qbc: So it's a welfare venture.

megumi: Apparently, there hadn't been a venture company in the addiction recovery field before, so I heard from the representative that they were being evaluated by other companies as doing something very meaningful.

qbc: Were you conscious of ventures since you were a student?

megumi: After I graduated from university—well, I actually dropped out—I was going to graduate school at night. I lived a life of working at a laid-back welfare company from 9 to 6, and going to graduate school from 6:30 to 9:30.
And there were entrepreneurs among the people at that graduate school.

qbc: I see.

megumi: Among my peers, there were people who said, 'I'm going to India,' and were doing internships on the ground in India for about three and a half months. There were some very energetic people in the evening program at graduate school.
I was stimulated by that, and I think it's probably because I have a fair amount of energy myself. So, the flow was: go to graduate school, work, think I can do a little more, and then jump into that social venture. I was quite influenced by the representative of that social venture, and I ended up like this.

qbc: How long did you work there?

megumi: A little over a year. Trouble happened at that company.
There were people who would go on rampages due to drinking problems, and people who used illegal drugs, so there were situations that were bordering on criminal.
Fundraising didn't go well either, and I was fired because they couldn't afford to hire me anymore. Even though I wanted to keep working.

qbc: That sounds tough.

megumi: Even though I was just an intern, it was a venture where there were monthly meetings where you had to think through everything, like how you would produce results, what kind of goal setting was necessary for that, and where to place milestones.
I gained knowledge there about how to think, how to proceed with work, and how to use my influence on others in a very clear way.

qbc: What kind of work do you do as a writer?

megumi: Right now, I'm a writer for a university entrance exam media outlet.

qbc: And as a tutor?

megumi: I look after an elementary school student who can't go to school.
I take on this work individually.

qbc: What kind of child were you when you were young?

megumi: When I was a child, until my second year of junior high, I was bright and active, worked hard at my studies, and worked hard at club activities. I was in the track and field club. While doing club activities, I also went to piano lessons. I was a child who worked hard at pretty much everything.
However, I was really bad at the messy interpersonal relationships among girls. I was a junior high student who floated between various groups rather than belonging to any one group.
Then, in my third year of junior high, I tore the ligaments in my leg from over-practicing in the track and field club. It was a stress fracture.

qbc: That sounds painful!!

megumi: I couldn't participate in the final tournament. I was doing individual events where I would run, and also relays where I would run with the team. Because of that, I was heavily criticized by my teammates. Like, 'It's because of you that we couldn't participate.' That's when I experienced a sense of powerlessness in myself, and a sense of powerlessness in not being able to contribute to others, and I stopped going to school for half a year.

qbc: Uh-huh.

megumi: During that time when I wasn't going to school, I felt the pain of not being understood by those around me, and the regret of having caused trouble for my parents and other important people around me who were very worried. But I had the frustration of not being able to put that into words and convey it well.
Still, I wanted to change myself, so I looked for a school that I could get into just by taking the general entrance exam and went on to a regular high school.
Even in high school, I couldn't forget what happened in junior high, and because of that experience, I thought there might be something I could do for others. So, I spent three years internalizing it, and then I went to the psychology department in university.

qbc: What do you mean by internalizing it?

megumi: When I wasn't going to school, I didn't go to school and I cut off almost all interaction with people, but I was barely able to keep going to piano lessons.
The friends I had there and the teacher I was learning from knew I wasn't going to school, but without touching on that, they just kept acknowledging my good points. I thought, 'Oh, I want to be like this person.' That's probably why I went to high school.

qbc: I see.

m-san's favorite song is this one!

megumi: They would evaluate my values and then acknowledge them. They would say things like, 'You are really meticulous, and that's why you can compose music like this.' I was doing a little bit of composing at that time, too. They would praise me for the kind of music I could create, including my personality. That became a huge source of confidence for me. I thought, 'That's nice, it would be wonderful to become a person like that.' Also, the teachers themselves, and the people who attended there, weren't all just having smooth sailing; the teacher I was learning from was a widow herself.
She also had the frustration of having aimed to be a pianist but not having made it.
But she didn't push that onto me, or say, 'Because I'm like this, you should be like that.' Instead, she shared it strictly as an experience. As I chewed on those things within myself, I realized there are all kinds of people, and with the thought that I want to be this kind of person and I want to be this way, I think that's why I was able to want to go to university.

qbc: Did you continue it in high school as well?

megumi: Even when I became a high school student, I continued it in a small way.
I attended until my third year of high school, at least. The reason I stopped was that after my third year of high school, I went on to a school in the Kansai region, so it was impossible to commute. I thought, 'I can't commute, well, that's fine,' or something like that. It was that kind of feeling.
I still meet them occasionally, and I also meet people who were in the same piano class.

qbc: What about your family?

megumi: My father is an SE (Systems Engineer). He was an SE who worked overseas, so he was almost never in Japan. He was a father I would see maybe once a year, if that.
My mother was a full-time housewife, but she was also a very studious person. Even now, she tries to get qualifications like a certified care worker. She is someone who doesn't just complete things for herself but also seeks them from those around her. I thought that was amazing. When I see her working or studying, I feel that my mother is amazing.

qbc: Are you an only child?

megumi: I have a younger brother. My brother had various experiences of alienation. But it feels like he has finally recovered. My brother also had the experience of being a truant and dropped out of high school. He was addicted to games.

qbc: You are very proactive, megumi-san.

megumi: It was a big deal that I was able to meet people who could be my role models during my middle and high school years.
I've recently come to think that maybe it was good that I became a truant once.
Because I became a truant, I think I was able to think about things like what is important to me, what kind of life would be happy for me, or why I was born in the first place, during that period.
For example, when I was working as a cram school teacher at a certain school, there was a third-year high school girl who was a truant, had extremely low self-esteem, and was involved in domestic violence.
But as a function of the cram school, there wasn't much I could do, so I supported her by listening to her and helping her increase the things she could do, hoping that her life choices would expand.

qbc: Uh-huh.

megumi: In the end, when she came to the cram school for the last time, she told me that she was being abused by her father, that he was doing things like burning her with cigarettes, but she couldn't tell her mother, and it was painful. She said that if she told her mother, she would have to go to a facility, and she wouldn't be able to take the university entrance exam.
I wondered if it was okay for me, as just one teacher, to hear that, so I told the supervisor, and that person acted on their own quite a bit. They contacted her family and did various things, and she couldn't come to the cram school anymore, and we couldn't get in touch with her, so there was a situation where we didn't know what happened to her.

qbc: Yes.

megumi: Because of that, I felt a sense of helplessness and regret myself. As I looked back on various things, I thought that perhaps I couldn't connect her to social resources because I wasn't properly connected to social resources myself.
I thought that if I had known more about the world, I might have been able to provide better support for her. Since there aren't that many supporters who are both certified social workers and childcare workers, I thought I could use that as my strength in the future, so I decided to go to school.

qbc: How far do you think you should take care of others, and how much responsibility do you want to take on yourself?

megumi: I have a desire to support the children in front of me now, and to be of help in any way I can to the children I wasn't able to support enough.
If using marketing, a means to change society, makes it easier for that child to live, then I am satisfied with that. I don't think it's right for me to only do what's in front of me, so I think that's why I've become a complex person. I will do what's in front of me properly, but not just that; by properly knowing about society, I want to learn how I should conduct myself. I think I'm thinking about outputting what I've learned from that, making an impact, and changing society.

qbc: Is there anything you want to have accomplished by the time you die?

megumi: It doesn't come to mind immediately. Personally, a worldview that I think is very wonderful is that the children I was involved with in the past, and the children I am involved with now, I think they will eventually grow up and leave my hands. I hope that those children will be working vibrantly in society, and that they will become people who can do things for someone else who is a junior to them.
As such circles expand, I hope that society will become kinder. As I use indirect support and the power of marketing to change society, I hope that the children who have left my hands, even if I can't meet them now, will gain some realization and find it easier to live.

qbc: What is that 'kindness' at that time?

megumi: I think it's kindness that comes from having many different perspectives. I think it's something that can't be done without imagination. I and the other person are completely different, and each is a precious existence.
However, whether what I think is good is really for the other person's sake, or what the other person is thinking, what they are wishing for, and what their situation is—I think the power to think through these things leads to that kindness. I feel that imagination is also a very big factor.

qbc: Even if you have imagination, you can still hurt the other person, right? There are times when you use your imagination to realize that this is what would hurt the other person the most.

megumi: Knowing that, I don't really like the word 'rules.' I think there is an ethics to cherish the person, the household, and the things around them.
I don't know how it works because if those ethical views differ between each other, they can clash. What could it be? I'm being vague even though I brought it up.

qbc: I see.

megumi: I cherish the children right in front of me, and there are probably many wonderful supporters out there. Many people think that once they graduate, it's goodbye and the support ends there, but I'm stubborn enough to think that even if it's over, support can still be provided.
I've recently felt that might be the interesting part. From my own perspective, I think I'm very interesting. I think I'm interesting, but I also feel like I'm not put together, so I think I must look like an outsider to those around me. I want to stop being an outsider by properly achieving results, and have them understand that I'm doing this because I truly care about the children and want to find a way to help.

qbc: Uh-huh.

megumi: I don't really want those around me to acknowledge me. But if I can collaborate better with those around me, it could lead to hope—not just for the children I'm seeing now or the children I met in the past, but for other possibilities, though I'm not sure what those other possibilities are.
Even if we are far apart, I think it could lead to hope, like saying, 'There is this kind of support, it's like this, and you can change in this way, so it's going to be okay.' I think that even if we can't meet, people who care can provide indirect support. I think I'll try a little harder.

qbc: Thank you.

megumi: Thank you.

Afterword

How was the interview? If you liked it, please give me money!!
What makes humans happy? Well, it's connecting the past and the present, and further, letting them imagine a future as an extension of that. Humans love investigating the past and predicting the future.
That's all!

Editorial cooperation: Hina Arishima and Ishizuka

You can also read past interviews in the magazine!

Recruiting interview participants!