The person who says, "You should decide for yourself what that 'toughness' you're feeling is based on your own values."

There are many reasons why I conduct interviews with unknown people, and one of them is the belief that "a society where you can't get someone to listen to your story for about 60 minutes for free will perish sooner or later."
Don't you all think so?
Well, regardless of whether it becomes an article or not, I believe that in a world where it costs money just to talk about yourself to someone else, mental health must be constantly threatened.
After listening to 200 or 300 people, you start to understand.
Humans, who are called social animals, basically feel good when someone listens to them.
Actually, it feels good just to voice your thoughts, even if no one is listening.
And when that story of yours is simply understood without being denied or affirmed, that sense of well-being increases significantly. Affirming is also just measuring your feelings by someone else's values. Sometimes, being looked at in that way itself is painful.
The fact that one's mood is swayed by the simple act of talking and listening is likely because it is a fundamental human desire.
I hope that these interviews with unknown people can serve as a mechanism to satisfy that need as a matter of course.
That was a bit of an exaggerated subject. This interview has become a catalog of what humans worry about and what they find joy in, and it is a lawless human record without much annotation, but I still think that a stingy society that requires money just to vent the story of the emotions one feels far from the inhuman system of "law" will, indeed, perish.
Therefore, I conducted an interview today as well.
I hope this interview will serve as a bit of support for your life today as well. (Organizer: qbc)

The person participating this time is komeda!

Current: Cutting and assembling footage is incredibly interesting and I love it. I realized that it must be the root of emotion.

qbc: What do you do for a living right now?

komeda: I am currently a freelancer, mainly working as a video editor (video production) and graphic designer.
Also, I provide support for digital adoption for small and medium-sized enterprises. For example, when they introduce e-commerce sites or social media, I act as an advisor or even handle the actual implementation. Many small and medium-sized business owners are resistant to digital technology.
There are seminars for DX adoption for small and medium-sized enterprises, but it seems easier for them to consult with me than to use those institutions, so I get quite a few offers.

qbc: How long have you been doing video work? From the start.

komeda: From the start, it's been over 7 years in total.
Right after graduating from university, I joined a TV station's production company and have been working as a video editor from the very beginning.

qbc: Were you aiming for video production from the start?

komeda: I've had the feeling that I wanted to work in video since I was in high school.
So I thought about what kind of video work I wanted to do, and decided I wanted to do editing. I was thinking that from high school until I entered university.
So, I joined the profession of a TV station video editor because I wanted to become one.
Especially since that company was specialized in editing. During my apprenticeship, I did a self-training routine called "1000-knock," where I edited 1000 videos in 3 months; it was tough at times, but it was fun.

qbc: What was the trigger for your interest in editing?

komeda: I've loved movies since I was a little kid.
The reason I wanted to do editing was probably because I felt that even if I got a job as a film director, I probably wouldn't be able to make a living.
Around the time I graduated from high school and was wondering about employment, I thought, I love movies and I love video, but I didn't have confidence in myself, so I thought I probably couldn't make a living at it.
At that time, as I analyzed myself on why I love video, I didn't have clear things I wanted to create popping into my head, nor could I come up with interesting scenarios,I like filming, but I thought that in terms of physical strength, filming probably wasn't for me.
The biggest trigger was...
Do you know the movie "Cinema Paradiso"?

qbc: Yes.

komeda: It's the final scene, but when I wondered why I was moved by this, I thought that if I could verbalize why it was moving, I might be able to make my career path a bit more concrete.
I watched it over and over again.
That was sort of the start of my editing.I filmed the last scene with a feature phone, put that video into my computer, and wondered why it was so moving.
There is a tool called Windows Movie Maker. I cut the movie scene frame by frame with that. Then I realized that the number of seconds for each frame was different. Such direction is incorporated at an unconscious level.
Oh, I thought this must be where the points that move you and the points that strike a chord are. I thought that was incredibly interesting.

qbc: I see.

komeda: When I thought about why this is moving, I found the unconscious level of how many frames are short, what music is good for this timing, and the timing of video cuts.
Also, I think it's interesting that the previous cut is calculated for this scene.

qbc: When did you do that analysis?

komeda: High school senior year, I think.
Cutting and assembling footage is incredibly interesting and I love it. I realized that it must be the root of emotion.
But at that time, I didn't know the job title "video editor."

qbc: By the way, do you consider work or hobbies to be your main focus?

komeda: There isn't much of a distinction.
Even if it's a hobby, I don't cut corners, and it's both work and a hobby.

qbc: I see. When did you start graphic design?

komeda: I started back when I was working at a TV station, making telops and graphics.
It was necessary for my job, and as I gained experience from that point on, I guess it's just an extension of that. I suppose I just like it.

qbc: What part of the editing process do you like?

komeda: Thinking about how I want to cook (edit) the footage.
It's different when it's my own personal work, but when I receive a request because a client needs something,I think about how to make a good dish that leads to the results the client is looking for, and how I can make it taste delicious. I feel joy when the edit clicks into place just right.

qbc: Do you like the reaction after you deliver the work?

komeda: I check viewer reactions online, and these days, it's mostly about the view count, I guess. I wonder how the views are doing, and I'm happy when I get likes.

qbc: Do you have any hobbies other than video?

komeda: Loving my cats a lot, playing the piano, watching movies, and cooking.
Also,I like watching videos of ingrown toenail treatments (laughs).

qbc: Do you think there's a common thread among your hobbies?

komeda: Maybe it's that I get super focused when I'm doing them.

qbc: Do you get focused with your cats too?

komeda: I do (laughs). Like when I'm brushing them.

qbc: I see. What is it that you like about the ingrown toenail videos?

komeda: Well, there are some that are just incredibly curled.
They're overseas videos. It's amazing, the way they treat them.
They take something like scissors, stick it in, and perform the treatment on the curled part.

qbc: You're not watching those from an editing perspective related to your work, right?

komeda: It's unrelated! It's just satisfying when the curled part is gone.

*If you search for "Ingrown Nail" on YouTube, you can find overseas ingrown toenail treatment videos.
They were more intense than I imagined, so I won't post them here myself!

Past: Even when I try to remember, there's this thing where I just can't recall anything.

qbc: What kind of child were you?

komeda:I vaguely remember being told that I was an interesting kid.By relatives, friends, and adults. I feel like I was told that.
Maybe it wasn't that my actions were interesting, but rather the things I talked about.I don't really remember though.

qbc: Did you prefer playing inside or outside?

komeda: I liked both. If I was inside the house, I'd often gather with the boys and play Smash Bros. If I was outside, I'd play hide-and-seek. With other girls, I'd play house.

qbc: Were you the type who stood out in class?

komeda: I think I was just normal, probably. But I do remember
acting cheerful.

qbc: Acting cheerful?

komeda: I wanted to entertain people.Because of that, I naturally became a cheerful character, and I remember people around me saying I was a fun kid or that they envied me because I seemed to have no worries.

qbc: Was there a reason you acted cheerful?

komeda: Probably because I didn't want to worry those around me, and it was like I had no choice but to laugh, or a kind of determination that if I just kept laughing, things would be okay.

qbc: Around when did that start?

komeda: Probably from around 4th or 5th grade of elementary school.

qbc: Was there a trigger for it?

komeda: It was that family situation of ours. My family consisted of my father, mother, older sister, older brother, and me. Around that time,

my older sister had a mental illness, was bullied at school, became a truant, and even attempted suicide. My older brother was also starting to show signs of muscular dystrophy (a progressive, designated intractable disease where muscles necrotize).Also,
my father and mother's own family situation wasn't very good either.It felt like all the various problems of everyone in the family were piling up at the same time, and the atmosphere in the house was dark. At that time, I think
I felt like I had to brighten up the house, and I was like, 'I'll do everything for the house, leave it to me.'

qbc: I see.

komeda: My mother would often consult me at that time.
Ever since I was in elementary school, my mother was always consulting me about her worries. I was like a counselor. But it wasn't an equal relationship; if I gave the wrong answer, I would be yelled at.
My mother's mother—my grandmother—would often tell my mother that it was the fault of the mother who gave birth to them that my sister and brother became the way they were.
My grandmother would also nag me with complaints. She would talk to me about how my mother's actions back then were no good, or that this or that other thing was why things turned out this way.

qbc: Did you live with your grandmother?

komeda: There was a period where we lived together for a little bit. Also, I would go back to my grandmother's house two or three times a year. Our contact was regular.

qbc: So you acted cheerful to cover for that. How did you feel at the time?

komeda: Desperate.I didn't have anyone to consult, so I guess I was desperate.

qbc: Specifically, what did you do to act cheerful?

komeda: First, I did the cooking and housework.Both my parents worked. Also, I was my mother's confidante. And
my older brother would speak ill of me or hit me, things like that happened too.

qbc: Yes.

komeda: I just tried to be cheerful and playful at home.
As I kept doing that, I started being playful at school too, and sometimes I'd get a laugh with my jokes, which made me happy, so I ended up becoming the funny type.

qbc: At that time, didn't your father act as a sounding board for your mother?

komeda: I suppose he didn't. Back then, I was just a child, so it was definitely beyond my capacity. I did try talking to my father at those times, but
he was someone who wouldn't do anything. It would just end with him saying, "I see."

qbc: I see. Did you have any hobbies around that time?

komeda: That would be, movies, of course.

qbc: Since when?

komeda: Since I was really small. When I was in elementary school or around that age, I was watching things like Chaplin. It also helped that they were showing them on BS.

qbc: What kind of movies did you like back then?

komeda: I was a child, so naturally I watched regular movies for kids.
Also, I often watched Hollywood movies, the easy-to-watch kind.

qbc: Were you not very interested in TV dramas?

komeda: I liked and watched things like "Nurse no Oshigoto" and "Trick."
But I was really immersed in foreign films.
To put it simply, foreign films were just different, weren't they? Maybe not in terms of being worth watching, but in terms of the production quality.

qbc: How about going to the movie theater?

komeda: I would go to the theater, and at other times I'd rent videos or watch them on the internet, all sorts of ways.

qbc: Around this time, did it feel like home and school were different worlds? Like a dark home and a normal school?

komeda: I can't really remember my memories from that time.
Even when I try to remember, there's this sense that I just can't.
I can remember the situation in fragments, but I can't remember my own emotions.
I just remember that I was desperate.

qbc: Yes. So, you loved movies, and does that lead to you going to university?

komeda: That's right. Thinking about it now, the only time I could have a proper conversation with my parents was when we talked about movies.
When we talked about movies, I wouldn't get hit or insulted.If I had knowledge up to an adult level, they would praise me, saying things like, "Wow, you even know that?" So, I was probably desperate. It was a mix of loving movies and being desperate.

qbc: I had imagined you watching them alone, but were you watching them with your family?

komeda: Sometimes I watched alone, and sometimes with my family. But I think I watched alone more often.

qbc: I see. So you were talking about movies even when you weren't watching them together?

komeda: Yes.

qbc: Is that when you decided to pursue a career in video?

komeda: That's right. I wondered why movies moved me, and I realized that editing is interesting and profound. I looked into what the job of video editing actually entails, and that's how I learned about the profession of a video editor.
It felt like my student life was aimed at this.

qbc: So, early on in university, you had an image of wanting to do this work.

komeda: Pretty much. I wasn't confident, so at that point, it was still just an ideal.

qbc: You filmed the documentary "Onii" while you were in school. What was the background behind filming it?

qbc: In my third year of university, I took a documentary class taught by director Kazuo Hara. One of the assignments was to film a documentary with the theme of family. I had taken the class out of mere curiosity, but...

I thought, 'A family theme, huh?' That was the starting point.

qbc: What kind of feedback did you get from those around you?

komeda: I received comments from people who were moved by my brother's way of life and how he lived, or who said they liked his character, or that they felt encouraged and motivated to do their best. Others mentioned that they realized their own lives weren't something to be taken for granted. Those were the kinds of feedback and evaluations I received.

qbc: How did you feel yourself after receiving that feedback?

komeda: It is the greatest joy to know that the work I created can be a source of strength for someone else.

qbc: Did you ever feel like becoming a documentary director yourself?

komeda: The option of becoming a documentary director wasn't really there. It was an event that stayed deep in my heart, so while I hoped that a time would come when I'd want to do it again, at that moment, the desire to work as a video editor was stronger.

Mirai: I've never talked this much to anyone before. It's my first time listening to so many people's stories and talking properly about myself, but it's kind of fun.

qbc: I'd like to ask about the future. Five or ten years from now, or even when you die, how do you want people to think of you? What kind of image do you have for the future?

komeda: The theme of "Onii" was also about this, but to put it simply, it's a work about the difficulty of living.
I believe that this difficulty of living has no boundaries.For example, whether there is a standard for what constitutes a difficult life based on national regulations, or whether you've received a diagnosis or not...That doesn't matter. I think it's something everyone carries.
But it's a world where it's hard to express that difficulty, and if you do, you might get tripped up. I think it's an era where it's hard to bring it out into the open. That's why I want to achieve something where I can support people in their difficulties without discrimination. I want to create some kind of service for that.

qbc: I see. What kind of service do you think it will be?

komeda: I'm currently conducting interviews with companies, private organizations, support project operators, and communities to identify what is needed and what the challenges are.
I'm hitting a wall right now, realizing it's not just some simple matter.But I want to give it shape within this year, and have it reach a level of awareness where it's permeated everyone's lives in five or ten years. That's what I want to do.

qbc: Do you have a concrete image of what this service might look like?

komeda: It's sort of coming together, but also not quite... For example, there's something common to both the projects and communities that support so-called people who find life difficult. They have challenges with organization and the circulation of the organization. Things like fundraising, time and physical strength, and the morale of the operating members.

Organizations built without a sense of management tend to have many issues with funding and the human side of the operating members, making them difficult to maintain.
The challenges for operating members include, for example, a situation where it's always the same members, only specific people speak up, or the workload is skewed toward only certain people among the members.

If it were just a social circle for fun, that would be fine. But the purpose of an organization in this context, I believe, should be to help people who are struggling to live.
Since I feel that maintaining sound management is important,something that raises that kind of awareness... business matching or networking salons...
That’s a bit no good; the words are just too vague.

qbc: No, no. For example, do you mean a service that helps support organizations run smoothly?

komeda: Yes.

qbc: What was the origin of that idea, I wonder?

komeda: That was, after all, something I felt after listening to various people.
Everyone’s problems are almost the same, mainly a lack of manpower, the operating members staying the same and becoming complacent, and funding. Also, motivation.
I thought that was common to everyone. If we can clear that up, the users who utilize it—people who are struggling to live—will be able to receive a fulfilling service.
But this isn’t just some simple, run-of-the-mill problem (laughs).

qbc: From around when did you start having that managerial perspective, or rather, the viewpoint that the foundation of the operation might be flawed?

komeda: I like management, you know. Thinking about systems and people.
I personally treat work as work, and I believe that circulating money is not a bad deed.
Also, unless you draw a line to some extent,I feel that groups gathered only by enthusiasm tend to fall apart. Unless you have exceptional sense, talent, and connections.

qbc: Have you always looked at companies and organizations from that perspective?

komeda: Always. I like talking to presidents and business owners, and I also like coming up with various ideas.
I enjoy and like proposing various things and learning a lot; I have that kind of perspective.

qbc: Ah, I see. So you are someone with that kind of perspective.
When there is an organizational problem, there are some people who have no idea what the cause is, and others who know the cause but leave it alone, right?
And even if they leave it alone, there are those who know how to fix it but find it troublesome to teach, or those who don’t know how and have no intention of learning.
In terms of that attitude toward organizational problems, komeda-san, you can both take action and see the problem.

komeda: Maybe so. But I feel a bit shy saying it myself (laughs).
I really love shows like 'Gaia no Yoake' and 'Cambria Kyuden.' Maybe it started from things like that.

qbc: I don’t want to force a connection, but I thought it was amazing that you came up with the idea of acting cheerful as a coping mechanism in a dark home environment.

komeda: I acted so cheerful that I don’t think I have many memories from that time.
A counselor once told me that. Because I was so desperate, my brain was at capacity, so my memories are probably fragmented. I thought, 'That makes sense.'

qbc: I see. What has been the most fun thing in your life so far?

komeda:Since I admitted that my family environment was strange, I feel like I’m living my own life.
Meeting various people, and that includes you, 'Mumyojin Interview' (Anonymous Interview),this is the first time I’ve talked so much to various people. It’s also the first time I’ve listened to various people’s stories and talked properly about myself, but somehow, it’s fun.

qbc: When did you realize that your family environment was strange?

komeda: Around the autumn or winter of 2020. That was when I joined a self-help group.
I was constantly troubled by flashbacks in my daily life. I would search the internet wondering why, but what came up in the searches were things like autonomic nerves, hormonal balance, or brain tumors. But I thought none of those were right.
At that time,no, this is definitely about my family, I realized. I reached the point where I decided to face myself once.

qbc: How was it right after you joined the self-help group?

komeda: Right after I joined,I myself thought my family was normal, so I was very hesitant when I first consulted them. So, I prefaced my story by saying, 'Compared to everyone else’s families, what I have to say might be mild, but...'
Then, I received a lot of empathy, and the reaction was like, 'That is exactly what a family breakdown looks like.' I was also told that it must have been incredibly painful.
It was the trigger that made me realize it’s okay to admit that things are painful.
Since then, I’ve turned a new leaf, and I feel at ease. That’s why it’s fun.

qbc: Yes.

komeda: Like that, I haven't been diagnosed with anything regarding my own struggles in life, nor do I have any certificates.
I have no disease name, no medical certificate, and no official documentation. I think there are many people in the world who are just like this.

qbc: Oh, so that's where the keyword "being able to empathize with life's struggles without discrimination" comes from.

komeda: Exactly. Being able to share things without discrimination, and while thinking about events and such. That's about it.

qbc: I'm asking a "what if" future question.
If you were a film director right now, what kind of movie would you shoot? Assuming you have the physical stamina to film and ideas for scenarios are popping up one after another.

komeda: Regardless of money or anything like that?

qbc: Regardless of money, too.

komeda: Then I would definitely go overseas.

qbc: Not in Japan. What kind of movie would you shoot?

komeda: Probably about the struggles of living.If I could become a director while keeping my own backstory and head overseas without worrying about money, I would definitely focus on the struggles of living. I would create a work that incorporates the essence of those struggles through a wide variety of expressions.

qbc: I see.
This is really a stretch, but when I heard that watching ingrown toenail treatments is satisfying, I was a bit curious. Hearing your story so far, I wonder if you just like resolving complicated things. Editing is also a highly advanced puzzle, after all.

komeda: That might be true (laughs).

qbc: Is there anything you'd like to add before we finish?

komeda: You don't need to prove or label your struggles with a disease name.The struggle you are feeling as you read this is something you should decide for yourself based on your own values. I don't think you need to leave that judgment to others or to a hospital.

qbc: Thank you very much.

komeda: Thank you very much.

Details about komeda's student documentary "Onii" and their relationship with their family are written in detail in this note.

Afterword

How did everyone like this interview!?
I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments section.
I'll be waiting!
I didn't really intend to start a family, but I've been living with a new family since last year.
There is a child in this family. Five years old. A boy. It's what you call a stepfamily. This type of family structure still seems novel to the public, and since both my wife and I are people who expose our lives on social media, my character as a stepfather has been nitpicked and worried about.
I also met my wife's ex-husband.
Well, perhaps these things are within the realm of privacy and shouldn't be written about much.
But you know, I have a desire to write.
As I wrote in the preface, humans have a desire to write and talk.
However, there are people close to me who would feel uncomfortable reading this.
My feelings vs. my family's feelings.
Well, the opinion that I should do this in a private place rather than on the internet is valid.
Perhaps it should be semi-public, or only discussed within a self-help group.
But this desire to write is stronger than anything else. Is this feeling what you would presumptuously call an artist, or something else?
I don't know, but the fact that I have feelings that I can't help but put into form is, after all, just a fact.

Finally, I'll attach the trailer for "Onii".

Interviewer: qbc

Editorial cooperation: komima

#UnknownPersonInterview #Interview #SelfIntroduction #Documentary #MuscularDystrophy

You can also read past interviews in the magazine!

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