The Importance of Living While Valuing Yourself Above All Else

Once upon a time, in the middle of a forest, lived a young woman named Jiko (Self). From a young age, Jiko was raised with the teaching, "It is important to live while valuing yourself above all else."
As a child, Jiko interpreted this teaching as "getting everything you want." She took everything she desired, ate everything she wanted to eat, and spent her time doing only what she felt like doing. However, strangely enough, Jiko began to feel an empty void that could not be filled.
One day, Jiko found a mysterious lake deep in the forest. The lake was as clear as a mirror, and when she peered into it, her own reflection appeared clearly. As Jiko looked into the lake, the reflection of herself began to speak.
"Do you truly value yourself?" the Jiko in the lake asked.
Jiko was surprised and replied, "Of course I do! I have everything I want."
The Jiko in the lake shook her head quietly. "That is only satisfying superficial desires. Truly valuing yourself should come from a much deeper place."
Confused by those words, Jiko sat down by the edge of the lake. A wounded bird fell there. Without hesitation, Jiko helped the bird, healed its wounds, and shared her food with it.
When the bird recovered and flew away, Jiko felt a strange sense of fulfillment. Even though she had given away her time and food, her heart felt full.
Wondering about this, Jiko visited the lake again and asked the reflection, "Why did I feel fulfilled when I helped another?"
The Jiko in the lake smiled. "Truly valuing yourself means believing in your inner goodness and strength, and putting them to use. You have kindness within you. When you express that, you are living as your true self."
Jiko began to understand the true meaning of "valuing yourself above all else" little by little. It was not simply about satisfying desires, but about taking care of her health, honing her talents, and living honestly with her heart. She realized that only by being able to value herself could she also value others.
When villagers fell ill, Jiko shared medicinal herbs; when children wanted to learn, she taught them knowledge; and when the elderly felt lonely, she became their companion. As she spent her time this way, Jiko's heart became filled with richness.
Later, Jiko became respected as the village sage, and many young people came to ask for her teachings. One disciple asked, "What does it mean to value yourself above all else?"
Jiko replied, "It means keeping your heart and body healthy, believing in your potential, and faithfully following your inner voice. And it means giving back to the world the strength born from valuing yourself. That is what it truly means to live while valuing yourself above all else."
And so, the proverb "Those who love themselves spread love" spread from this forest.
And they lived happily ever after.
That was the preface for the 1044th Namunin Interview, written on April 14, 2025, at 7:59 PM by someone who thinks so!!!!!

[Preface: qbc / Yasuhiro Kuribayashi (Writer, Namunin Interview Organizer)]

Joining us this time is Yumino Honma!

Age: Early 30s
Gender: Female
Occupation: Writer

Current state: I've started to think that it would be a waste not to do what I really want to do in this life.

qbc:
What do you do now?

Honma:
I work as a writer while raising two children.

qbc:
Since when have you been in that state?

Honma:
It hasn't even been half a year since I started working as a writer. My older child is 4 and my younger child is 2.

qbc:
What kind of feelings do you have in your daily life?

Honma:
It's just busy. It feels like there's no time to sit down at all. It's only when the kids are asleep that I can finally sit down and take a breath.

qbc:
Between writing and child-rearing, which is the center of your daily life?

Honma:
The center of my life is definitely child-rearing, butI feel like I'm managing to balance it half-and-half with what I want to do.I guess I'm thinking about writing while also thinking about child-rearing.
Since I can work little by little when the kids are sleeping or playing by themselves, I feel like I'm doing my job better than I thought I would.

qbc:
How is child-rearing itself going right now?

Honma:
My older child goes to kindergarten and will be in the middle class starting this April, so they are becoming quite independent. They can do more things on their own, so it feels much easier.
My younger child is in the middle of the "no-no" phase, so it's tough. They are the type who absolutely wants Mommy, so it's also hard that they won't do anything unless it's Mommy.
Also, the older one and the younger one fight all the time. They fight about once a second.

qbc:
How about the writing side?

Honma:
Right now, I mainly write SEO articles, but before I started, I thought I only wanted to write about things I was interested in.
But once I actually started doing SEO articles, I found that I could learn many things and discover things I didn't know, so I think it's very interesting.

qbc:
Speaking of recently, what kind of things have you learned?

Honma:
I was just writing an article about automation, like RPA and AI, yesterday. Since I write while researching various things, I learned that there are so many ways to automate things.
For example, you can even automate small things like sending emails. It's very interesting to be able to learn about a world I knew nothing about.
Also, I write articles about dogs, and since I haven't had pets as a child or now, it's interesting. Their personalities differ depending on their body size and breed.
It feels fresh and interesting to work while studying every day.

qbc:
What made you want to become a writer?

Honma:
There wasn't any particular trigger, but I've loved reading books since I was a child, and I also liked writing. I didn't find writing book reports in elementary school difficult at all; in fact, I actually enjoyed them.
I continued to love writing itself until I became an adult, and I went on to study literature in university. Even writing a graduation thesis, which involved tens of thousands of characters, didn't feel like a burden at all. While everyone else was saying things like, 'I don't want to do my thesis,' I was thinking, 'I want to write my thesis!'

qbc:
I see.

Honma:
However, I thought that being a writer or having a job that involves writing was something you couldn't do unless you had talent, so I never seriously aimed for it.
But now that I'm this age and raising children, I started to think that it would be a waste not to do what I truly want to do in this life.
Since I have the chance, I started thinking I wanted to make what I love my job, and that's how I became a writer.

qbc:
I see. How was it, actually doing it?

Honma:
It's fun. It's really fun.

qbc:
Is that enjoyment the same as the enjoyment you experienced in the past?

Honma:
Yes, I think it's similar.
Since I truly never find writing to be a chore, I feel like I'm writing with the same feelings I had when I thought writing was fun. It feels like I lose track of time and get completely absorbed in writing.

qbc:
Is there anything you do other than raising children and your work as a writer?

Honma:
Nothing other than raising children and being a writer.

qbc:
For example, do you have time for hobbies?

Honma:
I think part of my hobby has become my work.
When I've submitted everything I need to and don't have any current work, I'm bored, so I'll even go as far as asking if there's anything available and taking on new work, so work is becoming my hobby.
Other than that, I love reading.

qbc:
What books have you read recently?

Honma:
Right now, I'm in the middle of reading 'A Summer Where the Sunflower Does Not Bloom'.
As for books I've finished, there's a story about Okinawa called 'Takara-jima' (Treasure Island). Just as I finished reading it, news came out that it was being made into a movie, so I thought that was very timely.

qbc:
What kind of books do you often read?

Honma:
I quite like dark stories. I like stories that leave me feeling heavy or make me think after reading them, so I don't really read romance novels.

qbc:
In terms of genre, novels? Documentaries?

Honma:
Novels.

qbc:
What is your all-time favorite novel?

Honma:
That's difficult! There is a book by Yukio Mishima called 'Bitoku no Yoromeki' (The Staggering of Virtue), so maybe that one.

qbc:
A novel?

Honma:
It's a long novel.

qbc:
What part of it makes it your personal best?

Honma:
That's difficult. To put it very simply, it's a story about a married woman having an affair, but it's not the kind of affair novel you'd imagine when you hear that term.

qbc:
Yeah.

Honma:
It is an affair novel, but it's incredibly beautiful, and it feels like the very concept of an affair is being overturned. It was shocking to be made to feel that, even though it's an affair novel, it might not be a bad thing at all.

qbc:
When you say beautiful, what is beautiful?

Honma:
I'm not sure. The prose itself is so beautiful that it feels like watching the actions of a god. I think that's also a characteristic of Yukio Mishima, perhaps.

qbc:
Yeah.

Honma:
What is happening is just a married woman's affair, but the writing makes it feel like a holy act, something very noble. Because the prose is beautiful, the actions themselves look very beautiful thanks to the writing, I suppose.

qbc:
What kind of personality do people say you have?

Honma:
A perfectionist who only thinks about others. I'm a perfectionist who doesn't think much about myself, but only about other people's feelings and what they need, sacrificing myself in the process.
People tell me I should think about myself more.

qbc:
Yeah.

Honma:
They tell me I worry too much about what others are thinking. Also, they tell me I should try to live more easily.

qbc:
Do you think so yourself?

Honma:
I don't think I sacrifice myself that much, but I do think I'm a perfectionist. I might have a strong belief that whatever I do, I have to do it properly.

qbc:
I see. What do people close to you, like family or best friends, say?

Honma:
I'm often told that I worry too much about those around me.
Some people close to me say that's my bad point, while others tell me it's my good point.

qbc:
Do you have any recent worries?

Honma:
What could it be? Maybe that I go to bed late.
I work after my children go to sleep, and while I have the desire to write quickly and go to bed, I can't stop once I start writing. I end up wanting to write more and more, so naturally, I go to bed late.
Also, this is completely unrelated, but a recent worry is that I have more wrinkles (laughs).

qbc:
Is there any reason for that other than aging?

Honma:
I wonder.

qbc:
People who are very worried often get wrinkles between their eyebrows, don't they? It's partly just age, but is there any other special reason for that?

Honma:
I'm not sure if it's related, but I've been really bothered by the crow's feet that appear when I smile lately. They don't show up when I'm neutral.
So, now that you mention it, I just thought that maybe it means I've been laughing a lot.

qbc:
What is something you've enjoyed recently?

Honma:
My son takes the bus to kindergarten, and since his friend at the same bus stop is graduating and we won't be able to see them anymore, we held a graduation celebration party at our house the day before yesterday. That was fun. It was enjoyable having nearly 10 kids over and making a lot of noise.

qbc:
Throughout your life, what kind of things do you find enjoyable? As you just mentioned, there's the joy of being around many people, or the joy of being absorbed in reading; I think there are many different kinds of enjoyment.

Honma:
I like talking to people. Or rather than just liking it, it's really fun. It might be one of those things where I lose track of time.
But that doesn't mean I'm good at talking to people; if anything, I'm shy, and I'm not particularly good at talking to people I'm meeting for the first time.
Still, I always feel that talking to people is fun. I like it.

qbc:
What is your favorite food?

Honma:
Cilantro. Also, I like spicy and sour things.

qbc:
Cilantro isn't exactly a protagonist character, is it?

Honma:
That's true (laughs). But even if it's not the lead, doesn't it have a lead-level flavor? If cilantro is in something, you can definitely tell it's there.

qbc:
For example, do you add extra cilantro, or do you add it as a topping to things that don't come with it?

Honma:
If I can add it to something that doesn't come with it, I will.

qbc:
What kind of dishes go well with cilantro?

Honma:
Tom Yum Goong.

Past:I clearly remember when I was ignored and finally realized how painful it is to be ignored. That might have been the trigger for me to start thinking about others.

qbc:
What kind of child were you in your childhood?

Honma:
I was energetic and liked to exercise.
But, as I mentioned earlier, it seems I tended to worry about the feelings of people around me.
When I was in elementary school, a friend in my class was apparently being scolded by the teacher, and I supposedly gave the homeroom teacher a lecture saying that the way they were scolding the child wasn't good for them (laughs). I don't remember it at all, though.

qbc:
I see.

Honma:
But I was a pretty well-behaved kid. It wasn't like I wouldn't do my homework; I was the type to do what was expected of me. That said, I wasn't exactly super serious either.

qbc:
What kind of games did you like to play?

Honma:
Playing outside. I played dodgeball and kickbase. I also played basketball for a long time; I just loved being active.

qbc:
Can you put into words what was fun about being active?

Honma:
I wonder. I'm not sure what was fun about it, honestly. But maybe it was because I was doing it with friends. Maybe it's because I wasn't alone. It might have been because I was doing it together with friends.

qbc:
What was it like in elementary school?

Honma:
When I was in about the third or fourth grade, there was a minor incident involving the kind of 'ignoring' cycle that's common among girls. It's the kind of thing that goes around, where a girl who was ignoring someone the day before ends up being the one ignored the next day, and then you go back to being the one doing the ignoring.
So, I remember very clearly when I was finally ignored myself and realized how painful it was. That might have been the trigger that made me start thinking about how others feel.
Also, the period I was ignored was quite long, and it happened right before graduation, so it left an impression because it occurred during a time when there should have been fun events like taking graduation album photos.

qbc:
What about junior high school?

Honma:
Junior high wasn't much different. I wasn't exactly serious, but I did what was expected of me, and I served as a class representative every year for all three years.
Also, I was the team leader for the sports festival in my third year.

qbc:
What about high school?

Honma:
Since I had done all the leadership roles in elementary and junior high, I actually stopped stepping forward. I enjoyed being a typical high school girl.
I was in a club, but I also enjoyed hanging out with friends, taking purikura photos, and going to karaoke; that's the kind of fun I was having. I didn't really take the lead in school events.

qbc:
Thinking about it now, how do you feel about that?

Honma:
Looking back now, high school was the most fun time, so I genuinely enjoyed my high school days. I enjoyed them so much that I'd say I'd want to go back to that time if I could.

qbc:
What about your path and education after that?

Honma:
I'm from Niigata, but I took entrance exams for universities in Tokyo. I failed to get into my first-choice national university, so I went to a private university in Tokyo that I had applied to as a backup, and I entered the Faculty of Letters.

qbc:
What was university life like?

Honma:
Because I'm serious by nature, I steadily earned my credits, and I actually thought it would be easier to finish getting them early, so I finished all the credits required for graduation by about my third year.
So, I don't think I went to university even once a week from the second half of my third year through my fourth year. I only went when I had my thesis seminar, and otherwise, I spent my time on part-time jobs and my club.

qbc:
What kind of club was it?

Honma:
A basketball club.

qbc:
When did you start reading books?

Honma:
I loved reading books as far back as I can remember, so I think it started when I was in the lower grades of elementary school. I used to go to the library a lot.

qbc:
Do you remember what you liked when you were a child?

Honma:
I think all children who read books liked them, but I was really into 'Cirque du Freak'. After reading 'Cirque du Freak', I would even read the spin-off versions written by Darren Shan. I feel like I was reading proper books rather than books like 'Kaiketsu Zorori'.

qbc:
How were you raised by your parents?

Honma:
My father was quite strict. He was the type of person who didn't mind if you broke school rules, but he would never forgive you for causing trouble for others.
He was extremely strict about things like waking up late and being slightly late for meeting friends. He was very strict when it came to interpersonal matters.
My mother would take me to the library and tell me about interesting books, so it might be thanks to her that I grew to love reading.

qbc:
What was the landscape like where you were born and raised?

Honma:
It was in Niigata, but it wasn't the kind of place surrounded by rice fields that I think most people imagine when they hear 'Niigata'. My nearest station was Niigata Station in Niigata City, so it was a proper town.
Our family didn't own a car, but it was a prosperous enough town that you could live perfectly fine without one, and it was the kind of place where it snowed in the winter.

qbc:
What did you do after university?

Honma:
I got a job at a securities company and worked in sales.

qbc:
Was there a reason you chose a securities company?

Honma:
Because I could earn money (laughs). The salary is higher than in other industries.
Also, since I went to a women's university, the job openings at the university were divided into general positions and career-track positions. It was common for girls to apply for general positions, which were a bit easier even though the salary was lower than career-track positions.
But I really hated that, so I chose a sales position where the work content didn't change based on gender.And since securities companies had relatively high salaries even for the same sales work, I ended up only applying to securities companies during my job hunt.

qbc:
I see. How was it once you joined?

Honma:
It was tough. It was like power harassment was rampant (laughs).
I don't think you're allowed to talk about quotas and such now, but it was quotas, quotas every day, and if you didn't hit your numbers, you'd get grilled.
I've only ever worked at one securities company, and after doing sales, I was transferred to a department at the head office, so I wasn't in sales the whole time, but the sales work at a securities company was indeed as tough as I had imagined.

qbc:
How many years were you at that company?

Honma:
I resigned when I became pregnant with my second child.

qbc:
So you didn't change jobs?

Honma:
That's right. I got pregnant with my first child and went on maternity leave, and then I got pregnant with my second, so in reality, I had only been going to work for about four years.

qbc:
How did you meet your partner?

Honma:
We were in the same securities company and joined in the same year.

qbc:
I see. If there are turning points in life, how many would you say there are in your own life, and where would you place them?

Honma:
First of all, the very first thing was what I mentioned earlier, getting caught up in the typical troubles girls have in the upper grades of elementary school.
Next was meeting a friend in high school whose way of thinking and interests were a perfect match. What else... I suppose marriage and childbirth, definitely. Also, starting my work as a writer was a major turning point.

Mirai: As I get older, I feel like the number of people I have to consider increases, and it's no longer just my own life, but in the end, this life is still only my own. It's an extreme view, but I think it's important to go through life with the mindset that as long as I'm okay, it's fine to do whatever I want.

qbc:
If you imagine your future 5, 10, or 30 years from now, and reach the point where you eventually die, what kind of future do you envision?

Honma:
Is it okay if that's just a wish for how I'd like things to be?

qbc:
Of course.

Honma:
I want to live a life where I don't suppress the things I want to do. Since it is my life after all, I've been thinking lately that I want to live a rather selfish life, where I only think about myself and only do things that satisfy me.

qbc:
For example, what kind of things?

Honma:
Starting as a writer is one example; I don't think my husband really wanted me to work. I think he wanted me to stay home and properly handle the housework and childcare.
So, deciding to become a writer wasn't an act of rebellion, but it was something I started with a very strong sense of my own will. I realized that if I didn't do the things I wanted to do, I would regret it.
On a smaller scale, once my youngest child grows up a bit more and is more independent, I want to make more time for my friends. I want to live a life where I can feel that I didn't suppress the things I wanted to do, even with small things like that.

qbc:
Listening to you, I feel a huge gap between the sensitive, introspective person who cares about others' feelings and loves reading, and the person who actively goes out and joins a securities firm despite knowing it's a tough environment.
I've reached this point without that being integrated, so how would you explain that? (laughs)

Honma:
People around me often say that, but personally, I think of myself as an introverted, gloomy type of person because I like reading and such. But people around me tell me it's the exact opposite.
That said, it's not like either side is forcing it.
Now that you mention it, I do like talking to people and being active.

qbc:
Yeah.

Honma:
But if I spend all my time reading books or thinking about other people, I start to feel gloomy, or rather, I gradually sink into myself. I'm easily pulled toward the dark side.
When that happens, I think it might be better to meet people, so I might schedule meetings or try to talk more actively.
So, basically, being gloomy is my essence, but both sides are me, and since I'm the type who is easily pulled down, I go out occasionally to keep from sinking, I suppose.

qbc:
If you were someone who didn't read books, what would you be like? What would be left?

Honma:
I think I would have turned out completely differently.
To put it bluntly, I just thought that if I didn't have books, I might have become a foolish, selfish, and self-centered person.

qbc:
What did you gain from reading books?

Honma:
I think there are many ways to read books, but I'm the type who reads while feeling like I'm the protagonist, so by reading, I've been able to have simulated experiences of how people feel in certain situations.
Because I can experience the situations and emotions of various people, I think I gained the understanding through reading that there isn't just one way of thinking or feeling, and that it's not just the way I think.

qbc:
Do you have any image of writing a book yourself?

Honma:
No, not at all.
For example, I could definitely see myself listening to someone's story and writing it as a writer, but I'm not thinking at all about creating the kind of novel-like stories I've read until now.

qbc:
Why?

Honma:
Because I don't have that kind of talent (laughs).

qbc:
Have you ever tried?

Honma:
No. I tried writing something like making up a story when I was a child, but I don't have the talent for it, so I don't do it. I don't have any ideas either.
Also, I have a very good memory and I'm the type who doesn't forget things I've seen or heard once, so if I were to write something, I feel like it would end up being just like something else I've seen.
I can only put out what's already in my head, so it's not interesting, or rather, I don't feel like I've been able to create anything new.

qbc:
If you were to encounter your ideal book, what kind of book do you think it would be?

Honma:
I think the best part of reading is being able to become the protagonist and simulate the experiences that happen in the book, so books featuring protagonists who do things that 'I can't actually experience but want to know deeply about' are great.
In that sense, I mentioned earlier that I like reading stories that make me feel heavy, but I quite like stories that leave me with an unpleasant feeling after reading them, like stories about murderers or mysteries. Or rather than like, it's because I can learn about an unknown zone—like, 'Oh, so that's how they think.'
It's interesting because even though it's something I can't actually do myself, I can feel like I'm doing it by reading the book.
Maybe I don't read romance novels because I've already experienced that myself.

qbc:
I see.
Are there any other things you are interested in within that category? You seem drawn to things that are considered immoral, like the psychology of criminals or Yukio Mishima's novels about adultery.

Honma:
That might be all there is (laughs).

qbc:
That's fine. I think what you've shared is enough, so thank you.
Is there anything you'd like to leave us with? It could be a last will and testament, a message to the readers, or just a monologue. I'm asking if you have any final words.

Honma:
Lately, I've been thinking that it's important to live by prioritizing yourself above all else.
I think there's a tendency for this to happen as you get older or as your life stages change, but you end up with more roles to play.
For example, in my case, when I was a child, I was my mother's child, and I think it was just my own life, but when you get married, while it's still your own life, you also have a life as a husband's wife, and furthermore, a life as a daughter-in-law in your spouse's family.
And when a child is born, there's a life as that child's mother, and when you start working, there's a life as a person at that company.
I feel like the number of people I have to consider increases as I get older, and it's no longer just my own life, but in the end, this life is still my own. It's an extreme view, but I think it's important to go through life with the mindset that as long as I'm okay, it's fine to do whatever I want.
Killing people is wrong, of course, but if it's just something that might get me a little criticism from others, I think it's fine as long as I'm satisfied with it and can do what I want to do.
I think it's important to live thinking that it's my own life, without worrying about titles like being a husband's wife or a child's mother, and that's how I want to live.

qbc:
Thank you.

Afterword

Life goes around!

[Interview, Editing, Afterword: qbc]

[Editing: misato]

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