Thank you, 2023.

I feel like I need a little time to adjust my head, heart, and body after a big project.

2023 was my second year as a freelancer. So, in April, I got fired up, thinking, 'Alright, let's do this!' and took the plunge by putting myself out there in various places.

In July, I entered the note Creative Awards. Amidst my busy days, I remade a past article, stayed up all night, wrote it in two days, and submitted it just in time.

This gave me momentum.

From there, I actively asked for support on stand.fm.

I realized that I had finally become able to ask for help.

Soon after, I was encouraged to start a crowdfunding campaign, gathered a team, and finally met Marimo-san from stand.fm. I felt that I could do it with her. That's why I was able to start. I had already forgotten, but she told me that it was September 15th.

Then, I launched my company on October 26th, and for 30 days until December 17th, I ran as hard as I could for the crowdfunding. I desperately wrote the crowdfunding text while borrowing the strength of many people: those who let me take photos with them even if I showed my face, those who told me I could use our collaboration in the video, those who left supportive comments, and those who gave me terrifyingly sharp answers when I was in trouble.

I wrote it desperately, hoping it would reach someone.

And then, Koya-san from stand.fm took on the role of providing the rewards. Five people participated in these rewards. Everything was a first for me. The most important thing in crowdfunding is the rewards; this is a commercial transaction, and the crowdfunding side is also very nervous about it. If there is even one problem, it will be a big deal later. I learned that only after the crowdfunding preparations were in full swing.

Looking back, everyone who gathered was a wonderful person. Even though everyone had their own jobs, they acted so willingly that I felt guilty. This was a group of people that could only be described as lucky.

In the process of this crowdfunding, I realized the difficulty of what I wanted to do from now on, and my resolve became firmer and firmer, and before I knew it, I felt like a samurai in peaceful Japan, haha.

I was hit by the north wind with all my might, and although I laughed and said that I had finished cleaning up my friends and acquaintances, two weeks have passed since the crowdfunding ended, and the raw, vivid jeers of people are finally starting to fade from my body.

Then, the messages from the pushy mentor arrived like crowdfunding aftereffects to my exhausted mental state. I was cornered by someone I thought was a friend, and ignored by someone I thought was close to me. I thought, 'Is it the same on social media as it is in real life?'

However, I didn't waver. This is something I have been thinking was wrong for over a decade. No matter what anyone said, I have always thought that things shouldn't be this way. I was surprised that a woman was the 'north wind,' but that is precisely why I realized that this society is hard to change.

In a sense, that was a good thing. This old yet new problem is one that many people don't want to change now, and it's a theme they don't even want to think about. I realized that.

In 2023, I was hated by many people.

It was a terrifying year.

But strangely, it was also a year in which I was liked by many people.

So, I finally felt that this is okay.

I think that in the past, I wasn't so much afraid of being disliked by others as I was avoiding it. That's why I couldn't write, couldn't speak, and couldn't move.

But if you asked me if that way of living was happy, it absolutely was not.

Living as a people-pleaser makes it seem like you are connected to many people. But in reality, that is not the case. Even if you face the same direction as everyone else and say the same words as everyone else, you are not actually very connected to people.

Why? Because as a people-pleaser, you can't say what you want to say, and you certainly can't write it.

I want to change what exists now. That is precisely why there is resistance. The north wind blows. And I am ignored.

It's funny, but once I stopped being a people-pleaser, the number of people who truly support me increased. It's just a feeling, but at some point, I stopped seeing the faces of people who dislike me. I've come to feel that I don't need to look at them anymore.

And before I knew it, I had made friends.

That is because I was disliked.

Because I was able to take actions that would make me disliked.

I think that is what resolve is.

I thought I was afraid of losing things, but in truth, I had lost them from the very beginning.

So there is nothing left to fear.

I feel very calm right now.

I want to change the way women work.

Now I clearly understand that 2023 was an important year that I absolutely had to go through.

For the first time in my life, I decided to stand in front of people and wave my own flag.

Oh my goodness.

I think it's quite serious, but well, it can't be helped.

There are things I want to change.

*Thank you for reading throughout this year.

*I am also talking about this on Stand.fm.