Dear Justin

This is a fan letter to my favorite, written in the belief that you have graduated, even though there has been no official announcement.

The day has finally come, hasn't it?
And the fact that it ended like a fade-out, rather than with a spectacular graduation ceremony, makes me think it is just like you, someone who tends to have not just good luck, but also occasional happenings.

Thinking back... your high school graduation was the same.
The marching band retirement ceremony was canceled, the graduation ceremony was simplified, and I'm not even sure if there was a prom or not...
It was all due to the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.
The announcement video for the university you were going to attend was released grandly, but after enrollment, there was silence.
That was because the school was mainly online, and the marching band activities themselves were suspended (I assume), and on top of that, freshmen were not allowed to use social media until they finished their first year, so I couldn't get a glimpse of your own thoughts.
Due to the American football schedule affected by the pandemic, you didn't get to perform a spectacular field show, and perhaps due to the turmoil in the band from the previous year, you finished your first season with an unbelievable decrease in band members.
Looking back now, I think it was a clear crisis for the band's survival.
It is ironic that it was easier to find you playing the trumpet because of the decrease in members, but for me, it was very lucky (lol).

While many marching fans were mocking the decline of your band, I could feel from your off-season Instagram Live that you were very satisfied with the band's performance, and I also personally liked your band's arrangements and performances compared to other universities.
Before the second year started, my expectations grew, and my anxiety about whether you would be able to have a normal season also increased.
I was also plagued by anxiety about you yourself.
First, whether you would try out for drum major or not.
When I discovered you in the dark during the summer band camp, looking like a drum major, I shared my joy with a fellow fan of yours.

I also remember vividly the joy I felt when I found a post on a school official's Facebook page where you were officially introduced as a drum major, turning my speculation into certainty.

The season as a drum major finally began.
There you were, performing with confidence.
The whole venue was going wild, wasn't it?
When a popular videographer for HBCU marching bands released a video focusing on you, I was surprised that there were as many critical comments as there were praises. It was overwhelmingly criticism of the videographer for trying to get views by focusing only on you, a rookie drum major, rather than criticism of you.
Because of that, only videos showing the whole band were posted after that.

I thought, 'If you just become the head, videos focusing on you will be released with confidence...' and I began to strongly wish for you to become the head.

Thanks to those videos, my skills in finding you among the crowd improved.
I became able to instantly find you even if you were shown small in the corner, and I spent my days watching videos obsessively.
I remember suffering from eye strain and headaches caused by it back then...
Weekends where I couldn't even get enough sleep due to the time difference. The feeling of wanting to see you even one second sooner made me do that.
My physical condition declined, but I was still happy enough, and those days when I was obsessed with finding you, putting everything else aside, have become irreplaceable memories.

Second year as a drum major. I had high expectations that your position would go up.
As if to answer that, there you were, playing an even more active role as the assistant head drum major✨
However, the band as a whole was not going smoothly; the turmoil in the dance team came to light, and the criticism from fans of other universities became stronger.
Your university, which is easily seen as an enemy, is always side-by-side with trouble.
Among them, when your biggest rival university performed an aggressive field show aimed only at you, I spent days with tears in my eyes from too much anger.
Thinking about it now, the fact that the whole university attacked you alone is nothing but proof that your existence was a threat, but I was supporting you so seriously that only feelings of anger welled up.
But you drum majors performed dance performances with the plus-size dance team, and it was an unprecedented level of activity.
I think that was caused by the turmoil in the main dance team, so I felt that even various troubles were on your side.

Well, there was a big event in this second year as a drum major.
I still can't believe this, but I sincerely thank you for responding so casually to my mention post.
You sent me a message! I will never forget the joy of that day for the rest of my life.

Thanks to the miracle of your birthday celebration, I was able to give you a doll, and for me, I started to intervene in your inner feelings all at once.
You let me hear your inner thoughts more than I expected, didn't you?

Third year as a drum major. You were ready to become the head.
You told me in advance that I would be supporting the head drum major this season✨
I confirmed from the band camp images released later that you were indeed acting as the head until halfway through the summer band camp.
But I speculate that that plan was scrapped due to various circumstances and the intentions of the management team.

The interaction at that time became an unforgettable event for me.
You sincerely dealt with my overflowing feelings.
And you accepted reality and worked hard so that the band could operate smoothly. It was clear from the outside.

Even so, the situation where you couldn't put your own color to the fore by settling for assistant head must have been against your will.
As head, you must have had various ideas and plans...
I still regret that it became a phantom.
Therefore, I couldn't deny the impression that this season was neither good nor bad.

The birthday celebration that came right after the 2023 season ended.
I asked about your plans for next season, but it was a response that was extremely disappointing to me.
You decided not to participate in the band as preparation for graduation, didn't you?
You confided in me that even if you did participate, it would be as a trumpet player, not as a drum major.
The choice to give up on being an active member was truly disappointing.
To think that the season that ended with you being blocked from the head position was the last...
I lamented and grieved, but I told myself that your future was more important, and I sent you words of support with all my might.

The 2024 season, which I welcomed with half-belief.
Your figure was truly not there.
You didn't anticipate that that choice would make many marching fans sad, did you?
Fans who began to notice your absence showed a reaction close to panic, and the band's official account, the drum major's account, and the comment sections of the released videos became chaotic.
The drum major's account, realizing the gravity of the situation, called for refraining from mentioning one member, and you yourself ended up in a situation where you had to explain in a post that you chose not to participate in the band yourself and that you still love the band.
That post was deleted later... because an unexpected development was waiting at this point.

Something happened that made me think, 'Wasn't everything a production to reach this conclusion?'

About two months after your trusted friend inherited your will and became the head drum major... it was early November, and I had gotten a little used to seeing the band without you.
Since it had already become a routine, I opened social media without thinking to check the state of the game that day too. But an unbelievable sight jumped out at me.

I saw you in the images showing the parade held before the game.

I couldn't believe my eyes.
Was my desire so strong that I was finally starting to hallucinate?

I hurriedly checked YouTube and found a video posted of the marching-in that you were leading...😭

The truth of the matter was that Mr. S, the head drum major who was also a cadet, was suddenly called up by the military and had to leave the band, and since everyone else was a first-time drum major this year, you were brought back to fill the role.

At that moment, I couldn't grasp the situation at all, and in my confusion over such an unbelievable turn of events, I sent you a message asking, "Am I seeing things?"
I knew you were in the middle of a game and wouldn't read it, but I couldn't help but send it.

But then! You replied immediately, saying "I'm back"...😭

J: "Did you watch the field show?"
Me: "I'm watching it right now!"

Me: "Hey, is your uniform torn?"
J: "Is it that noticeable? Actually, it ripped during the morning parade!"

I don't think you can imagine how much joy I felt from having such a dreamlike conversation.
It was such an important moment for me that I became convinced that "everything happened just to reach this moment."

And so, I decided to call this "divine intervention."
I believe that what was supposed to happen had veered off course, and it was corrected by divine intervention.
The historical background, a director with old-fashioned ideas...
I think this was the only scenario that could have allowed you to overcome those high walls and become the head during the main season.

In the few games that followed, you were enjoying yourself from the bottom of your heart, as if to say, "This is what I really wanted to do!"✨
You brought back one performance after another that had been sealed away by the uninspired head who had kept you from that position.
This is what I wanted to see!!!!!
I was able to see everything I had wished for since you first became a drum major, and all my feelings from the past few years were rewarded.

The year turned, and we reached the day in February when you performed your truly final performance.
Videographers who had likely refrained from doing so for fear of criticism all focused on you and posted videos.
It was only because you became the head that they were able to proudly feature you in close-ups. How I had longed for this...
It became the culmination of my fan life.

As a fan, your sudden comeback was nothing but pure joy, and you yourself mentioned in official media that you were glad to be back in the band, but it seems the price you paid was also high...

By the time of your last performance, your internship had already begun, and you ended up spending days busier than I could ever imagine.

When I exchanged messages with you around March, I was shocked to see you looking more exhausted than I had ever seen you before.
It is common in life for things not to go smoothly, but I think you were facing the biggest crisis of your life, standing on the verge of not graduating.

I'm sure you didn't want to show that side of yourself to your fans.
But thank you for opening up to me.
Thanks to that, I spent a month like I had never experienced before.
Visiting various shrines in April to pray for your success has become an irreplaceable memory for me as well.

It seems you cleared the issues at the very last minute, but there has been no official announcement regarding your graduation yet.
So, I am not yet certain of the outcome...
But knowing you, I believe you have achieved your goal.
And you are probably preparing now to hide your struggles and report it to us in a carefree manner.

It hurts my heart every time I see posts from other students proudly posting their graduation photos and announcing their grand graduation...
But I believe that is not the climax of your life.

I have absolutely no idea what your life will be like after you retire.
Of course I have my wishes, but since I don't know what your actual life will be like, it is uncharted territory for me.

But one thing I want to tell you is that 'a spectacular career is not the only measure of success in life.' If you are living a safe and fulfilling life, that alone makes me happy.

I believe there are not many people who can achieve such dazzling and brilliant success.
So, even if your life from here on out is ordinary, there is no need to lament it at all.
Your achievements during your student days will continue to captivate people across generations.

As long as you live your life with integrity, I will continue to support you.
From now on, my support will be more of a 'watchful' one, but my gratitude to you for enriching my life will never fade.
I will protect you as much as I can.
Please, go through life with peace of mind.

Lastly.
Even so, if you ever get tired of life...
Please come to Japan.
Just as many celebrities have done, please let yourself be healed in Japan.
When that time comes, leave it to me.

I could go on and on, but... it has become a long letter, so I will put down my pen for now.

Best wishes…🤞

Kyoko