The Dan-Dan-Weaning Dilemma

Recently, a friend asked me for advice, saying, "I'm struggling with whether or not to wean my baby."

Hearing that reminded me of when I decided to wean my first child at eight months old. Back then, I was carrying the same kind of anxiety and conflict.

I saw my own ghost behind my friend

My friend said her baby's night crying was severe.
She talked about how she was breastfeeding multiple times every night.
Déjà vu. It was exactly like me in the past.

Seeing her baby crying frequently at night, my friend seemed to think, "The night crying has gotten worse" or "Maybe it's a period of mental growth."

And she mentioned using "the breast" as a weapon to deal with the night crying.

She also added, "But I don't think there's much milk coming out anyway."
She spoke with a worried look.

I understand.

The thought that "the baby is crying for breast milk to soothe their anxiety."

I understand that feeling so well.

I was so anxious that I couldn't help but think, "If I stop breastfeeding, will the skin-to-skin contact with my baby fade away?"

What I realized through weaning was that the baby just didn't know any other way to receive affection besides the breast.

There are countless ways to receive affection, and the fact is that once they learn those methods, the breast is no longer necessary.

But this is something you can't really notice when you're still wavering about weaning.

The background to my decision to wean

I had a specific reason for deciding to wean. Although I was thinking about having a second child, I had undergone intensive fertility treatment for my first, so I was concerned about the effect of breastfeeding on my hormonal balance.

Because of my age, I wanted a second child as soon as possible, so I decided to proceed with weaning, but in reality, I struggled a lot. It's no exaggeration to say that I cried quite a bit.

For an eight-month-old baby, I recognized that breast milk wasn't just a meal, but a time of comfort.

Suddenly stopping that made me feel like I was neglecting my small first child, and I felt a strong sense of guilt.

I kept thinking about whether my child would feel lonely because I stopped breastfeeding, or if our skin-to-skin contact would decrease.

Weaning is actually quite good

In our case, weaning dramatically reduced the number of times we woke up at night. It went from waking up about five times to just once.

When I actually started weaning, the first few days were, as expected, quite tough. What was tough was the heartache. My child's request was clear, and I could have responded to it, but I didn't. Anyway, the pain in my heart was worse than the pain in my mammary glands.
I was in a state where I felt like I was about to shout, "I still have milk! I'll give it to you!"

Of course, there were times in the middle of the night when my child would cry intensely and ask for the breast.
Hearing that crying, I would waver, thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't have stopped breastfeeding after all."

Seeing my child continue to cry, I couldn't help but think, "Have I made my child unstable with this?"
I would hold them, pat them, and hum mysterious tunes, staying close to them so they could feel as secure as possible.

Then, after a few days passed, the child got used to the new rhythm.
Perhaps because they were getting full by drinking formula instead of breast milk, the night crying decreased, and they started sleeping through the night. Maybe the night crying until then was because they weren't getting enough to eat from breast milk alone.

And to repeat, I realized something: skin-to-skin contact has nothing to do with breastfeeding.

Since I stopped breastfeeding, the time I spend holding, playing, and reading picture books to my child has increased, and I feel like I have more opportunities to face my baby.
I was worried that our relationship would change if I stopped breastfeeding, but that was just a spell cast by my own assumptions as a mother.

And the frequent night crying decreased, and they clearly started sleeping through the night.

As long as they are drinking and eating, it's fine

I think the only point parents should be careful about is whether the amount of food intake decreases because there is no more breast milk. If the child refuses and you cannot supplement with baby food or formula, I do not recommend proceeding with weaning.
In our case, my child flatly refused formula, so I held off until then. But when I put the formula in a mug instead of a baby bottle, they drank it surprisingly well. I thought, "Hey, you, you just didn't like the taste, did you?" If you have similar worries, please give it a try.
Since I could expect to secure enough food intake, I was able to take the step to wean.

What I want to tell my friend

When I talked to my friend about this, she said, "But it's still hard when they cry, isn't it?"

That is so true. Seeing your baby cry makes you feel like you might have made the wrong choice.

But I want to emphasize that stopping breastfeeding does not weaken the bond between parent and child at all.

And if a mother's intuition tells her that now is the time, then it is the right time to wean; conversely, if she feels it is not yet time, then it is not.
We are mothers who think about our children around the clock, so I believe our intuition is absolutely correct.