Galois Theory and Bath Essence: The Coldness of My Brother and My Stubbornness, Dissolved Over 20 Years

The Exam-Robot Brother Who Demanded 'Sophistication'

The eldest brother in my memories was an 'exam machine' with little emotional fluctuation. His back was always hunched over a book, never stopping his pen. If I asked him about a problem I didn't understand, he would push me away, saying, 'You don't even understand something this simple?' and coldly remark, 'Can't you talk about something more sophisticated?'

As the youngest child, perhaps I desperately wanted to be acknowledged by such a brother. I would ostentatiously read a thick book on 'Galois Theory'—which I, in my early elementary school years, couldn't possibly understand—right beside him. 'I can talk about sophisticated things, too.' That silent resistance and my attempt to act older than I was—that was the little time I shared with my brother.

The 'Haute Couture Angel' Who Melted the Wall

The person my brother married in his late 30s was a young lady from a prestigious family. When I first met her, she carried an elegance that couldn't be hidden even while sitting on the old sofa in our family home, and she wore haute couture with grace.

However, she was not someone who fit into the 'young lady' mold. While her own sister lived a luxurious life where it was taken for granted that parents would pay for a university that cost hundreds of millions of yen to graduate from, she did not take parental support for granted. She earned her own tuition by making beds and cleaning at a guest house, showing the strength of character to graduate from graduate school. Before I knew it, the invisible wall had melted, and she went beyond being my 'brother's wife' to become my irreplaceable friend. And my brother, who had been that 'robot,' gradually regained human emotions by her side.

The Two Shields That Saved Our Lives

I owe them a debt I can never repay in my lifetime. When I and my children were in the depths of despair, targeted by our own parents and siblings, it was this eldest brother and his wife who stood quietly and powerfully in front of us, acting as a shield to protect us to the end.

Without their years of devoted support, we would not be here today. They literally saved our lives.

The Bath Essence That Untangled the Knots

When my PTSD symptoms became severe, she sent me bath essence for my birthday. The moment I opened the lid, the tightly wound strings of my heart suddenly loosened. It was not just a gift, but the kindness of someone who understood me and my pain.

My eldest brother and she have birthdays only a few days apart, and the other day, I gave them both 'scent.' For my brother, a fragrance for deep sleep. For her, a room fragrance to 'counteract my brother's aging odor.'

'You always have such good taste! And your sharp tongue toward your brother is the best!' As I received her laughing reply, I remembered myself back then, spreading out that book on 'Galois Theory'.

In Place of the 'Thank You' I Can't Say

When my eldest son was in junior high school, in a calligraphy class where all the other children wrote 'parents' as the person they respected, only my son wrote 'mother's brother.' It goes without saying that I felt a pang of 'Why not me?' When my eldest son was unstable, he would rush over despite the distance and his busy schedule. My eldest brother also has children, but when I found out that my sister-in-law had encouraged him to do so, I was speechless. There are words that are always on the tip of my tongue: 'Thank you for protecting us.'

Stubborn as I am, even after more than 20 years, I still cannot say such direct words. So, I pour all my 'love' into gifts spiced with self-deprecation and sharp remarks toward my brother. Until the day I can deliver the real words, I want to continue this exchange of scents.

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