I have become able to say strongly, 'Every version of me is necessary. Nice to meet you.'

Why do I write every day? Because I want to output.

What do I want to output? I want to express in words those feelings that well up inside me before I know it—the confusion, the excitement, those lumps of energy. What happens when I express them? I get to know myself better and become better friends with myself.

I just wrote whatever came to mind. Why am I writing? When asked again, I stop and think, 'Hmm?' Why, why is it? It's a tough question.

But the more I dig deep and think about it, the more I realize that writing is very important. It is something I cannot do without.

I have always been the type to think a lot. I think, but I can't put it into any specific shape. It was scattered, jumping here and there. And what happens then? I get stuck.

If I were to get stuck, you'd think something delicious like jam might be made, but in my case, it's like burning or rotting; the murky feelings inside me mature. The murky thoughts turn into 'self-denial' and cover me up.

I used a complicated analogy, but in short, before I started writing, my self-denial was incredibly strong. It was to the point where people who heard me would have their faces twitch and think, 'That's a bit dangerous.' That has started to change.

What I keep in mind when I express myself is to be honest. When I put the feelings that well up in my heart into words, I always check with myself: 'Are these words really writing about how I feel right now? Am I trying to look cool? Am I trying to sound pitiful? Am I exaggerating?'

Writing things exactly as they are is the opposite of judging, and it's a way of being that I haven't been able to do much in my social life until now.

The person I truly want to be is someone who lives as they are. A lively nature was sleeping deep inside me, wanting to rampage and say, 'I don't want any part of this categorization called "self-denial"!' By writing honestly, I feel like I've been able to awaken that version of myself.

I wonder when it started. The self-denial I used to do so much has decreased. I complain quite a bit on Note. I get angry, and I get irritated. There are very few happy or sparkly articles. Is that okay for social media? I just laugh it off with an 'ahaha'.

But I am writing about the undeniable figure of myself living each day. By putting what I think and feel into words and writing them down, through 'writing,' I have come to feel, not just in my head but in my body, that 'every version of me is still me.'

I've also made it a pinned article, but I also write because I want to deliver the message, 'If you're alive, things like this happen,' to the version of me who was having a hard time.

The version of me in the past who cornered herself saying, 'It's no good. It's no good. I'm no good,' and the version of me who was cornered—both are absolutely necessary. This and that, everything is necessary. I'm counting on you, absolutely.The current me can say that strongly.

Well then, until next time.

#By the way, why do you write?
#I tried writing this for the Writing Club prompt

#66DayWritingRun