💌 To the Me of That Time — A Letter Delivering Kindness

Hello, this is Tsunagu | HIROMI 🌸
This is a letter addressed to my past self, and a message to you who are doing your best right now.

For example,
The discomfort I felt in the corner of the classroom.
The reality of a society that didn't go the way I wanted.
The self I almost lost while being chased by child-rearing.

I have experienced many such days.
But now, I finally understand.

The loneliness and anxiety I felt back then,
were all gifts for my 'future self'.

This essay is a small letter written while embracing my past self.
I would be happy if it could gently nestle into the heart of someone who is similarly lost, worried, or standing still.

⸻

🕊️Chapter 1 | The Loneliness of Adolescence — I Just Wanted to Be Understood

Amidst the buzz of the classroom.
I was just outside the circle where everyone was laughing.

I wanted to join, but I couldn't.
I didn't even know how to talk or how to laugh.
So, I was always looking out the window.

'Why can't I be like everyone else?'
That question was always deep in my heart.

In truth, I wanted to talk more.
In truth, I was lonely being alone.
But I was afraid to show it.
So I hid myself.

Thinking back, that loneliness might have been my own 'wisdom for survival'.
I built a wall so I wouldn't get hurt.
I read the room so I wouldn't be disliked by anyone.

But really, I just wanted to be understood.
I just wanted someone to notice.

So, the me of today wants to tell the me of that time:

'You don't have to force yourself to smile.
What you felt has real meaning.
You are fine just as you are.'

The me of today has become able to empathize with people's feelings.
I have finally come to think that the 'loneliness' of that time was preparation for knowing kindness.

⸻

🌱Chapter 2 | The Day I Faced Society — To That Time When I Kept Searching for the 'Right Answer'

I thought I would be free when I became an adult.
But reality was a series of choices and responsibilities.

Work, relationships, anxiety about the future.
I kept searching for the 'right answer' in society, and before I knew it, my heart was worn out.

There were days I cried alone at night.
I blamed myself for not doing well, couldn't consult anyone, and lost my confidence.

Even so, I didn't stop.
Supported by tiny successes and unexpected kindnesses,
I slowly found my own place.

The me of that time didn't know.
That a 'right answer' isn't something someone else prepares for you.
Living meant creating my own values, not someone else's.

So, I want to deliver this to the me of that time:

'It's okay to fail.
It's okay to make mistakes.
Your steps are leading to the future.
Even if it looks like a detour, that is your path.'

The me of today no longer aims for perfection.
I value choosing for myself, even while making mistakes.

⸻

🍬Chapter 3 | Unconditional Love — To the Me Who Was Being Given To

I thought parents were always the 'givers'.
Making meals, staying up for night crying, smiling even when things go wrong.
I thought being a 'parent' meant wearing yourself out for your child.

But one day,
a small hand gently offered me a candy.

'Mommy, here you go.'
With just that, tears spilled out.

I was saved by that one piece of candy.
I felt like they were saying, 'For Mommy, who is doing her best.'
In that moment, I finally realized.

I wasn't just giving.
I was being given to, properly.

'Holding my hand'
'Hugging me tight'
'Saying I love you'.

No title or achievement matters.
This child believes in me and loves me.
That alone makes my existence certain.

So I want to say:

'You are a person who is loved.
You are not just a one-sided 'giver'.
Your love is reaching them, properly.'

⸻

🌈Conclusion | To Your Future Self

This letter was written as if to embrace my past self.
But this is not just for me.

I want to deliver it to you, who are living while feeling lost in this very moment.
Feeling down comparing yourself to others, or not having confidence in yourself.
Even if there are days like that, your existence has unchanging value.

To everyone working hard where no one sees.
Even if it seems like it doesn't reach, your words and your existence might be someone's hope.

Please, cherish yourself.

To the me of the past.
And to all of you living in the now.
'You are fine just as you are.'

Tsunagu | HIROMI 🌸
A sower of peace seeds

📖 Won't you take a peek into the world I write?
Essays, sound stories, 3-line diaries, gentle words—
I have organized things that gently nestle into your heart by genre.

🍀 [Click here for Tsunagu's site map]
👉 A place like a gentle map where you will surely find
what you 'want to read right now' 🌈

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#ParentingRealizations #AdolescentLoneliness #FacingSociety #GentleLetter
#AdultWorries #ToBeLoved