What the piano taught me: Frustration and words from my piano teacher of 40 years

I wrote in my post the day before yesterday about participating in the PTNA Piano Step, but...

I wasn't feeling very well, and during the performance, the thought 'I might lose my place halfway through' or 'Should I just walk off the stage?' crossed my mind many times.

To be honest, the performance was a mess, and I am filled with a lot of frustration.
However, I managed to make it to the end.

If it were the old me, I might have given up. Thinking about that, I feel that being able to play through to the end, no matter the situation, was a small but certain 'growth'.

My playing had been getting a bit more stable recently, so this experience became a valuable opportunity to remember the depth of the piano—that it's interesting precisely because it's not straightforward—and to remember my beginner's spirit.

▼ Here is the performance video from that time (edited version)

I cut out the parts that were a mess, but I kept the moments where I was helped by the wonderful stage and the piano.
What saved me were the words I received after the performance.
In the critique, there were parts where I was praised for my 'tone'.

This is a bit of a tangent, but...
When I had an AI listen to the video of my performance at the civic hall in February...

Even though it was a video of me playing Grieg's Nocturne and Schumann (Liszt)'s Widmung, it gave the wrong answer, saying it was Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu! 😂

So, I realized the AI wasn't actually listening. Lol

Getting back to the point 🙏... My piano teacher from over 40 years ago, who taught me when I was a child, also listened to the YouTube video I posted above and sent me such a warm message, more than I deserve: 'Beautiful tone! It cleanses the soul 🥰'.

My family made a harsh joke, saying, 'That's just because there's nothing else to praise' (lol), but even if that's true, the fact that I was able to play a 'sound' that reached someone's heart is a great encouragement to me.
'I want to be able to play properly in front of people, from memory.'

With this wish that I added to the image in my heart, I will continue to practice, cherishing every single note. I believe that this frustration, too, is all a necessary process to give a performance I can be satisfied with on the next stage.