The Why-Why Attack

When my children were small...

And when I was still young
And raising them very seriously...

The serious young me,
tried hard to do something about
the parenting that wasn't going
the way I wanted.

But that was
quite a
tough path.

Even though they were children,
they were individuals,
so they didn't go
the way I wanted at all.

But
because I was a parent,
I had to do something...
I was trying my best.
I think now that I was so young,
but back then I was quite serious and rigid,
living through tough days.

What was tough was...

For small children,
first of all,
care
had to be provided.

I desperately tried to
do all the mountain of care
seriously and perfectly.
It was almost entirely a one-person job.

I was quite pushed around by the caregiving,
but besides that,
the fact that I also had to
keep them company
was something
I hadn't calculated.

These days of being at the mercy of children
as their playmate,
for a young me
who was desperate to do the caregiving properly,
were quite difficult.

It was
keeping company with
someone who said incomprehensible thingsand didn't do as I wanted.
company.

This,
for a serious me
who wanted to complete the care perfectly,
was a weakness.

Like going along with
games that repeated things I didn't understand,
pretending to enjoy it.
To me,
it wasn't fun at all.

But
the young me thought
that I had to keep keeping them company
kindly and wholeheartedly,
as if I were enjoying it.

If I neglected them
or left them alone,
surely
there would be problems with the child's personality development...
thinking things like that,
even if I wasn't having fun,
I thought I had to hide those feelings
and endure it.

Among the things that were confusing,
what was particularly damaging
was the
why-why attack
from my children.

There is a period of time
when, no matter what you say,
your child will ask
why
.

Even if you answer, they come back with
why
again.

It becomes like a Zen riddle.
What do you mean, why???
Why
do you keep asking why???
I just
don't get it.

But because I am a parent,
I felt I had to
answer everything seriously,
carefully,
and accurately.

This
why-why attack was
harder for me
than
the "No!" phase.

As time passed
and my children increased to a second...
a third...
a fourth...
I became
better at
dodging this why-why attack.

I realized something.

Children
don't really want to know the correct answer,
they just want to enjoy the interaction.
So,
it doesn't matter at all
if you give them a half-hearted answer.

And
it doesn't matter at all
if I don't answer at all.

When they ask why...
I would just say,
Go ask your big brother!!
with a
big smile,
more times than I can count.

My older son
has more free time than me
and is kinder than me.
His answers are half-hearted,
but as a partner,
he's perfect.
It's fine.
Even if the answer is a mystery that leads to more mysteries,
I don't even know what we're talking aboutlook,
everyone
looks so happy!

Looking back now,
what I want to tell
my past self is,

It's okay to be half-hearted!
Lean on others! Use everything you've got!

and...

What are you talking about?

is
a magic phrase.

#WhatAreYouTalkingAbout