I want a dry cleaner next to my house!

The advent calendar I skipped yesterday.
Let me make an excuse.

I only came up with an answer that would confuse anyone who read it: 'a dog that wandered into the schoolyard'.

I have never been compared to an animal by anyone.
I am unmistakably human.
I talk about being 'a dog that wandered into the schoolyard' myself, but everyone I know calls me a 'human'.

I see.

I realized that I might be the legend of the human-faced dog, so I got nervous, started thinking about how to handle the media, and held back on posting the article.

Actually, I was at a hot spring and sauna deep in the mountains from the afternoon, though 😳

Today's topic is 'shops I want next to my house'.
First of all, that question is cute.
Itsuki-san's desire is such a cute question, and housewives definitely think about this, right!

I'm not a housewife or a mom, and my only dependents are my freedom, so I don't really have these kinds of ideas.
If anything, I prefer things to be a bit further away.

I like to get lost in thought and wander around whistling, so I'd rather there be no shops around my house so that people don't gather.

But if it could come true, the one thing I would overwhelmingly want next to my house is a dry cleaner.

You can't wash a futon at home, can you?
Can current washing machines do it? Is my washing machine just behind the times?

But surely you can't get rid of dust mites in a winter down comforter!
Dry cleaners are a godsend!

But it's a pain to take them there.
The place near me that does down comforter cleaning is a 5-minute drive away.

No, you'd think, 'It's close, just go,' right?
But this is such a drag.

It's a 5-minute drive, and there's a supermarket, so maybe I'll go after lunch, no, I'm alone today so I won't go to the supermarket and just have frozen food, so maybe tomorrow. Today, should I go? It's only once a year, and cabbage is a bit cheap for once, so maybe I'll go early, oh, the weather is bad? I'd hate it if it started drizzling as soon as I arrived, I have the futon, maybe I'll just go to the supermarket.

I end up doing that for a month.

I like clean bedding and I like doing laundry, so it's not a struggle, but the moment I have to take it somewhere, I just can't bring myself to go.

I don't have to do it, really, sun-drying is fine.

But when I sun-dry it, I feel like the mites on the front just move to the back.
So, I wait until the afternoon and flip it over.
Then the mites make a big move back to the front, and then I, unaware, put it away, carry the mites into the storage room, winter arrives, I overwinter with the mites, and they breed in early spring.

It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? I didn't get a down comforter for the sake of the mites.
Having mites and freedom as dependents is no different from being a house-sitter.

But if there were a dry cleaner next to my house, I could drop it off when I go out, and if they call, I could just pick it up on my way home.

Also, this is a huge digression, but I'm prone to having birds drop poop on me.

If that happens on a canvas bag, you have to take it to the dry cleaner immediately without wiping it.
If it were next to my house, I could drop it off right away! That's another reason!

Well, in the first place, it wouldn't be a problem if they didn't drop it on me.

So, I want to take this opportunity to have a peaceful discussion with you, birds.

Hey, birds.
Stop right there.
It'll be over quickly, so don't even use your wings, keep them tucked away.

You're not human, so maybe you don't have to follow the rules.
But if we're going to live in the same city, don't you think there's a certain morality you should uphold? That's what Nami-san thinks.
I'm not saying don't leave pellets or poop, but there's a time and place for everything.
Time, place, and occasion.
Even if it's just in your gizzard, take note of it.


I know that birds only make a mess on my important days.
I'm going to see the main basketball game of the year on the 18th, and I'm going to wear a brand T-shirt from my beloved Yutaro-san.
Could you please stop?

If it comes out, it can't be helped, it's a physiological phenomenon.
I understand. I know your bodies are built that way so you can fly.
But, if you're a bird that can aim so well, Nami-san wants to believe you have the skill to shift it to another day.
I want to believe in the bird's ability and its anal sphincter.

You know what I mean, right?

If you make me say all this and then drop it on me that day, yakitori alone won't be enough to settle this.
I'll hide all your friends from the three thousand worlds and turn you into a lonely bird for just two days, okay?

Besides, I'm not that free, you know.
I have to watch Yutaro-san's match again on catch-up streaming and pant over it.

Or, how about this: just drop it on me directly.
If it's me, I can just wash it off in the shower; drop it on my actual body.

That's a compromise.

I want to settle down and pant properly, so could you drop the poop on me directly while I'm running tomorrow?
I'll run toward it; I won't give up until you drop it.

Also, you know? You should be grateful to Itsuki-san for giving us this chance to talk.

And, what was it again?

Uhh...

Dogs are cute, aren't they?

Maybe it's time I got serious and mastered this, #PervertWay

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