Verification of whether 'atmosphere suited to the character' is important for dialogue in stories
It has been one year since I started a project to write BL novels every month.
Recently, my circle of peers has grown, and I am grateful to receive praise along with feedback comments saying, 'I like this part.'
Honestly, getting comments on my own novels through my own efforts is about as difficult as sexing a chick.
That is why the words freely given by people who are used to writing and reading are truly precious, and I have nothing but gratitude.
During the exchange of comments I received, I was struck by a remark from Tsuki-san, who is organizing a 100characterBLnovel project, saying, 'The uke's Kansai dialect is erotic.'
Trembling, I wrapped myself in my favorite Yogibo blanket, broke into a sweat, and turned on the air conditioner.
I am sensitive to the cold, but I usually set the temperature to 26 degrees Celsius; my friends say it is the perfect temperature for a Golden Retriever.
Setting that aside.
Here, I thought positively about my only strength: my Kansai accent.
Actually, this is the second time I have received this comment, and as someone who believes important things should be said twice, I must take it seriously.
Besides, truth be told, there is a character from the Kansai region in the novel I am writing: Tomoe Shirase.
However, Tomoe is the seme.
What Tsuki-san gave me was 'Kansai dialect uke is erotic'; they are as different as mustard and wasabi.
Here, I, who am lazy but greedy, thought of something.
If I swapped the accents of Tomoe (Kansai dialect) and Aritoki (standard Japanese) and wrote an erotic scene, would the impression change?
I wrote a comparison novel where the impression changes based on the dialogue, so I would like you to verify it with me.
1. I forgot to put on my underwear.
Seme (Standard Japanese) x Uke (Normal Kansai dialect ver.)
'Tomoe. Sorry to keep you waiting.'
'Hmm, wait. I'm one page away from a good stopping point.'
While I was leaning against the wall on the bed in the bedroom doing my daily reading, Aritoki, who had finished his bath, chased after me and climbed onto the bed with a creak of his knees.
Then, like a large dog in its prime wanting affection, he straddled my legs, crawled up from my feet on all fours, and shook his body as if wagging a tail.
Aritoki's favorite loose satin silk pajamas flowed over his skin with a soft rustle.
'If it's just one more page, you can read it right after you're done, right?'
When I snatched the paperback book I was reading from his hands as he tried to ignore me, he grinned at my chasing gaze and fluttered it against his chest.
When I reluctantly reached for it, he held the book above his head to keep me from taking it, and I grabbed his hand that had missed.
'Hey, I'll lose my place...'
My gaze was on the book, my right hand on Aritoki's plump buttocks.
The touch was soft and smooth, and the satin silk, which had already reached the same temperature as his body, felt like a thin membrane that I felt would melt like an oblate wafer with my rising body temperature.
'...Wait, why aren't you wearing any?'
Underneath this fabric, which felt more like a thin membrane than a second skin, I couldn't see the lines of the underwear that should normally be there.
He laughed, 'Fufu,' and I let go of his buttocks, and as he leaned forward on my knees, I could clearly see his slightly plump pectoral muscles, thin abdomen, and defenseless lower body wrapped in a single layer of silk from the wide neckline.
The black luster I love mixed with his white skin, adding sweetness like milk dropped into coffee.
'Oh? I was in such a rush I forgot to put them on.'
'There's no way that's true.'
'But doesn't it make you a little nervous?'
'Like hell it does!'
I am bewildered by his behavior, which feels unusually vulgar—no, I am irritated by my own dark lust, wanting to scold him for being vulgar and make him pout a little.
My lover, who was unusually unfazed by me, moved his body himself, let me stroke his skin-like buttocks, and spat out words as hot and thick as his lips.
'What? It's fine even if I don't have them on, since I'm going to take them off anyway.'
When I picked up the bookmark I had left carelessly on the sheets, I placed it on top of the paperback, moved it to the side table, and covered him.
'There are nights when I want to be held so badly that I don't even have time to put on underwear, you know?'
Does that mean there are nights when I might forget the page number of my daily reading too? I thought, melting the silk on my lover's skin with my body heat.
I wonder if Kansai dialect gives a slightly innocent and seductive impression? It might be perfect for a 'sasoi-uke' (seductive uke).
Perhaps because there are many 'na, ni, nu, ne, no, n' sounds, it feels humid and sweet.
Next, I converted it into the so-called downtown 'dengana mangana' style, the kind of language used by good old money-grubbing Kansai characters.
2. I forgot to put on my underwear, mangana.
Seme (Standard Japanese) x Uke (Thick Kansai dialect)
'Tomoe-han, sorry to keep you waiting!'
'Hmm, wait. I'm one page away from a good stopping point.'
While I was leaning against the wall on the bed in the bedroom doing my daily reading, Aritoki, who had finished his bath, chased after me and climbed onto the bed with a creak of his knees.
Then, like a large dog in its prime wanting affection, he straddled my legs, crawled up from my feet on all fours, and shook his body as if wagging a tail.
Aritoki's favorite loose satin silk pajamas flowed over his skin with a soft rustle.
'It's just one more page, you can read it quickly after you're done, mangana.'
When I snatched the paperback book I was reading from his hands as he tried to ignore me, he grinned at my chasing gaze and fluttered it against his chest.
When I reluctantly reached for it, he held the book above his head to keep me from taking it, and I grabbed his hand that had missed.
'Hey, I'll lose my place...'
My gaze was on the book, my right hand on Aritoki's plump buttocks.
The touch was soft and smooth, and the satin silk, which had already reached the same temperature as his body, felt like a thin membrane that I felt would melt like an oblate wafer with my rising body temperature.
'...Wait, why aren't you wearing any?'
Underneath this fabric, which felt more like a thin membrane than a second skin, I couldn't see the lines of the underwear that should normally be there.
He laughed, 'Fufu,' and I let go of his buttocks, and as he leaned forward on my knees, I could clearly see his slightly plump pectoral muscles, thin abdomen, and defenseless lower body wrapped in a single layer of silk from the wide neckline.
The black luster I love mixed with his white skin, adding sweetness like milk dropped into coffee.
'Oh my? I was in such a rush I forgot to put them on, desu wa!'
'There's no way that's true.'
'Even if you say that, aren't you a little nervous?'
'Like hell it does!'
I am bewildered by his behavior, which feels unusually vulgar—no, I am irritated by my own dark lust, wanting to scold him for being vulgar and make him pout a little.
My lover, who was unusually unfazed by me, moved his body himself, let me stroke his skin-like buttocks, and spat out words as hot and thick as his lips.
'What is it? It's fine even if I don't have them on, I'll take them off right away, desu yan.'
When I picked up the bookmark I had left carelessly on the sheets, I placed it on top of the paperback, moved it to the side table, and covered him.
'There are nights when I want to be held so desperately that I don't even have time to put on underwear, mangana?'
Does that mean there are nights when I might forget the page number of my daily reading too? I thought, melting the silk on my lover's skin with my body heat.
The content and the Kansai dialect are exactly the same.
From the 'Tomoe-han!' opening, it's a barrage of erotic sabotage.
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
Even though it sounds like a merchant, the sexiness doesn't work at all.
It's like a midnight conflict between an energetic cat and a tired owner, but it's also fun to write about the sexiness that comes from the comeback after this.
Which do you prefer, 1 or 2?
I don't think even a complete beginner would deviate this much.
However, it's not as if you should just use strengths or beautiful words indiscriminately.
Common abuse like 'phrases that just popped into my head or that I heard somewhere' is no good.
More than dialogue or writing ability, 'tension suited to the character and background' is what's important first.
This is very educational.
Also, to those who read this.
Which type of Kansai-dialect 'seductive uke' do you prefer?