#01 Do you know where your place is? — What I realized after being the 'class clown' for so long
Do you have a place right now where you feel like you belong?
Not at home, not at work, and not on social media.
A place where you don't have to put on an act.
A place where you don't have to walk on eggshells.
A place where you can just be yourself and feel at ease.
If you couldn't think of one right away—
I wrote this note for you.
It's surprisingly easy to not realize that you 'don't have a place.'
You manage to get through your days somehow.
You go to work. You have friends.
But somewhere deep down, you're always tired.
That might be a sign that you don't have a place where you truly belong.
For a long time, my 'place' was being the one who made everyone laugh.
When I could say something funny, when everyone laughed—
That was the first time I felt like, 'Oh, it's okay for me to be here.'
But that wasn't true peace of mind.
It was just, 'I was allowed to be here because I fulfilled my role.'
I felt like if I wasn't doing something, I couldn't be there.
There was a time in my life when I lived like that every day.
You worry so much about those around you that you lose sight of yourself.
'Will they think I'm weird if I say this?'
'Am I the only one who doesn't fit in?'
'I have to be funnier.'
Are there people whose heads are spinning with thoughts like these?
This isn't a talent or a personality trait.
I believe it just means you're in the wrong place.
What happens if you keep going like this?
If you keep erasing yourself to fit in with others,
you'll eventually realize, 'Wait, what do I even like?'
You don't know what you like.
You don't know what you want to do.
Yet, all that remains is the feeling that 'I have to do better.'
That is a very painful place to be.
I know, because I was there.
But things change. They really do.
Ever since I learned that a place to belong isn't something you find, but something you create,
my days have started to change little by little.
It's not difficult.
It's just about starting to voice,
'I like this' or 'I don't like that' little by little.
Just doing that changes the scenery around you.
I'm still not perfect.
I have an HSP temperament, and in the past, I lacked self-confidence,
constantly putting myself down in both romance and friendships.
How did someone like me end up where I am now?
I hope to share that with you little by little from here on.
To you who thinks, 'There's no one more hopeless than me.'
Let's create a place where we belong, together.
Next time: 'Reading my mother's mood again today—the story of how I realized that was the beginning of not having a place to belong'