Why do people who are working hard feel so miserable? #02: Comparison Fatigue

I didn't intend to compare, but it makes me feel miserable

For those who don't have much time, I have included diagrams along the way so you can grasp the flow.

Someone is superior.
Someone has a strong determination.
Someone is achieving results.
Someone is walking much further ahead than I am.

We see scenes like that often in this day and age.

If you open social media, someone's success, someone's effort, someone's achievements, and someone's fun daily life will flow by. Even though I didn't look with the intention of comparing, before I knew it, deep in my chest, "Jealousy-senpai" from the Seven Deadly Sins would pop out.Jealousy-senpaiComparison is truly exhausting, isn't it?

I should just not look.
I should just not care.
I should just do my own thing.

I know that, but if it were that easy to stop just because I know it, I probably wouldn't be feeling this miserable.

To be honest, I get jealous too. When I see someone's writing being read, I think it's amazing, and when I see someone's activities expanding, I admire them. When I see people who seem to be walking ahead of me, I sometimes feel, "I want to be like that too."

And sometimes, I get a little shaken when I see the number of followers or reactions. ...Well, if it goes that far, "Arrogance-senpai" from the Seven Deadly Sins might show up too.Arrogance-senpaiBut I suppose that's part of being human, too.

Feeling jealous, feeling envious, wanting to be recognized, wanting to reach more people. I don't think we need to immediately make the emergence of such emotions the villain.

The problem is that when those emotions arise, we keep blaming ourselves, thinking, "I'm no good for thinking things like this." Or, we decide, "If that person is amazing, then I have no value."

The existence of amazing people and the fact that I have no value are not the same thing.

This time, I will think about such "comparison fatigue."

Knowing my own smallness in a place I jumped into out of admiration

I think everyone has a life or a world they admire somewhere. Of course, I have one too. I wish I could write like this. I wish I could do activities like this. I wish I could create things that reach people like this. Because there is such a wish, people start something.

But when you jump into that field, you meet truly amazing people. People who write better than me, people who can convey things more clearly than me, people who achieve results faster than me, people who reach more people than me. At first, I must have been watching them thinking, "That's amazing," but as I kept watching them over and over, before I knew it, a kind of non-existent ranking table was being created inside me.

"That person has already gone this far."
"That person is being evaluated."
"That person is moving forward happily."
"Compared to that, I am..."

This feeling of "compared to them, I am..." is quite troublesome. It's not that someone directly blamed you. It's not that someone came up to you and said, "You are falling behind." It's just that by constantly watching other people's achievements and lives, your own current position starts to look small.

In reality, you should have had a perspective that only you possess. There should have been words that only you could write. There should have been a warmth that only you could provide. Yet, by constantly comparing yourself to amazing people, even your own individuality and charm start to look small. And then, you quietly walk away from that place.

That might be because you lack talent, got bored, or didn't put in enough effort. Of course, there are cases like that. But among them, there are also people whose hearts have become exhausted as a result of constant comparison due to social media and an abundance of information as well.

Let's organize this for a moment.

Comparison fatigue is also linked to information fatigue

Comparison fatigue does not happen in isolation. You feel miserable when you compare yourself to someone. You feel impatient when you see someone else's achievements. Someone else's life looks dazzling, and your own current position looks small. If you look only at those feelings, you might end up thinking, "Maybe my heart is just weak."

But if you look at it more broadly, information fatigue is also involved.

As I mentioned in the previous article, there is too much information in the modern world. News, social media, videos, blogs, work communications, someone's progress reports, someone's success stories, someone's failures, someone's life philosophy. Such information flows in regardless of your own state.

Moreover, it contains a lot of material that easily becomes fodder for comparison.

Someone succeeded.
Someone was praised.
Someone looks like they are having fun.
Someone is making money.
Someone is making their dreams come true.

If you keep watching these things over and over, your brain can no longer just receive the information. Before you know it, you start comparing yourself. And every time you compare, your heart is chipped away little by little.

In other words, comparison fatigue is not just a "problem of a personality that likes to compare," but can also be called a state of being constantly bombarded with information that makes you want to compare.

Of course, I don't mean to say that social media and the internet are bad. There are words of encouragement there, and information you can learn from. Sometimes seeing someone else's challenge makes you think you want to do your best too. In fact, I have been helped by such information many times myself.

However, the story changes when you are tired. Words that are stimulating when you are energetic can feel like pressure when you are tired. There are days when you can see someone's success report and think, "That's amazing," and days when you sink, thinking, "What am I doing?" The meaning of the same information changes depending on the state of the heart receiving it.

Therefore, what is important when thinking about comparison fatigue is not "blaming yourself for comparing," but looking at how much information you are currently being exposed to.

It's my fault for comparing.
It's my fault for being jealous.
It's my fault for being impatient.

Before you decide that, wouldn't it be okay to stop for a moment? It is not just a problem of your personality, but also a sign that your heart is unable to process everything because you are seeing too many fragments of other people's lives.

Time for a break here

Comparison is not a bad thing

Reading this far, it might seem like I'm saying you shouldn't compare yourself to others. But that's probably not the point. Because of comparison, people learn about new worlds. Because of comparison, you can think, 'I want to try that too.' Because of comparison, admiration can be born.

I saw someone's writing and thought, 'That's amazing.'
I saw someone's activities and thought, 'I want to take on that challenge too.'
I saw someone's way of thinking and learned, 'There is this way of living, too.'

That is by no means a bad thing. Everyone harbors admiration for something somewhere. Of course, I do too. I wish I could be like that. I wish I could write words like that. I wish I could live a life like that. Because those feelings exist, people try to move forward.

Therefore, you don't have to make comparison itself the villain. The problem is not comparison itself. It is that comparison becomes a tool to blame yourself.

'That person is amazing'
'Therefore, I am no good'

Once it takes this form, comparison becomes quite painful. Perhaps, in truth, one more phrase was needed in between.

'That person is amazing'
'And, I should just proceed at my own pace'

Everyone has their own pace. Everyone has their own life. And I have my own pace. The figure of someone you are looking at is not their whole life. The time they have accumulated, the time they failed, the time they suffered, the time things didn't go well. There are surely many things you cannot see.

Comparison can be something that causes people pain. But at the same time, it can also be a force that moves people forward. Therefore, what is needed is not to eliminate comparison, but to slightly rethink your distance from it.

Try to be a little closer to the self that compares

I think you don't have to force yourself to blame the self that ends up comparing.

There are days when I feel envious of someone. There are days when I feel impatient seeing someone's achievements. There are times when my heart is moved by someone's words or activities, thinking, 'I want to be like that too.' The fact that such emotions emerge is probably very human.

However, if you head in the direction of denying yourself there, comparison becomes painful all at once.

'I felt jealous. Therefore, I am no good'
'I felt envious. Therefore, I am ugly'
'I am impatient. Therefore, I am weak'

If you corner yourself like that, even things that were actually objects of admiration turn into materials that hurt you.

So, when you are in pain from comparison, why not try changing your words just a little?

'I am admiring that person right now'
'I want to go to a place like that too'
'That is why I am a little impatient'

When you look at it this way, jealousy and impatience do not look like just bad emotions, but also like reactions that inform you of your own wishes.

Of course, that doesn't mean you will feel better immediately. There are days when you will compare, and days when you cannot honestly be happy seeing someone's success. There are days when you want to blame yourself for that. If we could just resolve it that cleanly, we probably wouldn't be worrying this much.

Even so, you don't have to discard yourself there.

The fact that there are amazing people does not mean you have no value. The fact that someone is walking ahead does not mean your own path has disappeared.

When you are tired from comparing yourself to others, what you need is not to blame yourself, but to look a little more carefully at what your heart is reacting to.

It is difficult to eliminate comparison entirely. However, you can be a little kinder to yourself when you find yourself comparing.

I believe that small margin of space becomes an entrance to distancing yourself a little from the fatigue of comparison.

To distance yourself a little from the fatigue of comparison

It is difficult to eliminate the fatigue of comparison entirely. People sometimes look at others to check their own position, and it is a natural reaction to feel admiration or jealousy. That is why I believe what is important is not to reduce comparison to zero, but to adjust it into a form that does not wear you down too much.

First, when you are tired, distance yourself a little from the materials of comparison. You don't have to quit social media or the internet entirely. However, if you keep bathing in reports of other people's success right before bed or immediately after waking up when your heart is vulnerable, it easily becomes pressure rather than stimulation. At such times, just reduce the time you spend looking. Turn off notifications. Do something else. That level of distance is enough.

Second, do not connect 'that person is amazing' with 'I am no good'. The fact that someone is amazing does not mean you have no value. When you see someone's achievements, instead of concluding 'that's why I'm no good,' try looking at it once by asking, 'what did I admire about them?' Then, comparison becomes a clue to understanding your own desires, rather than material to blame yourself with.

Third, place your own progress in a place where you can see it. The more intense comparison becomes, the more people forget the distance they have walked. The articles you wrote, the number of days you kept going, the things you can do a little better, the things you can think about better than before. They may all look small, but they are certainly progress. The longer you spend looking at the speed of others, the more you need to look back at your own footprints.

When you are tired from comparison, I believe what you need is not the determination to 'stop comparing,' but to let the part of you that ends up comparing rest a little.

Summary

You don't have to immediately make the act of comparing yourself a villain.

Thinking someone is amazing.
Admiring someone.
Feeling impatient when looking at someone.

Those emotions are natural reactions as a human being.

However, when those emotions arise,

'That's why I'm no good'

If you keep blaming yourself like that, it becomes painful.

Comparison can also be something that causes people pain.

But at the same time.

Learning about a new world.
Having aspirations.
Trying to move forward.

These can also become sources of strength.

Therefore, what is needed is not to eliminate comparison entirely.

But to reconsider your distance from comparison just a little bit.

It is okay to have days when you end up comparing yourself.

It is okay to have days when you feel envious.

It is okay to have days when you feel impatient.

You do not have to hate yourself for being there.

The existence of someone amazing is not the same as you having no value.

Someone walking ahead is not the same as your own path disappearing.

Especially when you are tired from comparison.

Please take a moment to look at your own pace.

You are surely moving forward just fine.

Next Episode Preview

Next time, we will observe 'Decision Fatigue'.

An era where choices have increased.

Even though things should have become more convenient, why do we feel so tired?

In this modern age where we have more to decide, what is wearing down our hearts?

Next time, we will sort through this together as well.