The true nature of the "invisible chains" that have held me back for so long.

I previously wrote an article about how I began to change little by little, triggered by writing on note.

Regarding the "harmful beliefs at the root (subconscious) of my being that bind me" that I touched upon in that piece, I thought there might be others struggling with the same issue, so I decided to write about the details this time. Please feel free to read it.

At first, I thought, "That's just the kind of person I am."

Ever since I was a child, I have always been someone who gets irritated easily. I always thought my short temper was just a part of my natural personality.

Why do I get so irritated?

When things don't go as planned, when things don't go my way, or when my children don't listen to me. I hated that I would snap so easily.

At first, I assumed that this personality was my "root," so I didn't look any further and just tried things like mindfulness to reduce my stress.

But it never lasted very long. I didn't feel like anything had fundamentally changed.

An encounter with "The Science of Brain and Success"

That was when I read a book called "The Science of Brain and Success."

What was written there was that most human behavior is controlled by the subconscious, not the conscious mind.

And that in that subconscious realm, there exist beliefs that bind you which have been imprinted without you even realizing it.

The reason you can't change even if you know in your head that you "want to be calmer" is not because your willpower is weak. It is because your subconscious beliefs are making you act that way.

Your subconscious self treats staying the same as your comfort zone, and pulls you back whenever you try to change.

That is why, just like with muscle training, it is important to continue training to rewrite your brain's subconscious.

Reading this, it all made sense to me.

The true nature of the beliefs that were binding me

So, what are the beliefs in my own subconscious?

Looking back, I realized something.

My parent was someone who would get into a bad mood when things didn't go their way.

It's not about being treated terribly or anything like that.

It's just that, as a child, I became sensitive to my parents' emotions, and learning how to act so as not to upset them became second nature to me.

"I want to be acknowledged," "I don't want to be disliked," "I must not make them angry."

Before I knew it, living my life while constantly gauging others' reactions had become my default state.

And I realized that this led to the belief that "if things don't go my way, it's bad," which in turn created a version of myself that would get irritated over trivial things.

The significance of realizing that what I thought was "innate" was actually "acquired."

This was my biggest realization.

Because I thought my short temper was something I was born with, I had resigned myself to the idea that "this is just who I am."

But it was actually something acquired through my environment and experiences.

Being acquired means that it can be changed.

And if I don't try to change now, there is a possibility that my children will repeat the same cycle.

When I thought about that, changing was no longer just for my own sake.

Practice: Rewriting my beliefs

With an understanding of the mechanism, I began to engage in journaling and mindfulness once again.

What's different from before is that my purpose has become clear.

Not to reduce stress, but as training to bring unconscious beliefs to the surface and rewrite them.

"Oh, I'm gauging someone else's reaction again right now."

"I'm acting this way because I want to be acknowledged."

Once I became able to notice things like that, I started to change little by little.

And as a place for that, this note platform has been a good fit for me.

Conclusion

What was holding me back was not my environment or other people, but the beliefs that were unconsciously imprinted on me during my childhood.

I am still in the middle of the process, and I cannot say that I have completely changed.

But I am definitely changing.

And that change is starting to show in how I interact with my children.

I believe that noticing these invisible chains is the first step toward freedom.

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