Parenting is about building a relationship of trust between parent and child

As children grow older, I have come to realize that parenting is about building a relationship of trust between parent and child.

When they are small, it is about "care" or "protecting their safety and survival." But such parenting gradually decreases; in other words, as they become autonomous, the relationship becomes what is important.

▶ As a parent, are you trusted by your child?

Even though it is a parent-child relationship, it is still a human relationship. The idea that a child will trust you "because you are their parent" gradually fades away.

As the number of various adults around them increases, as they make more friends, and as the child's own human relationships expand, the parent, who was once a one-of-a-kind existence, becomes just another adult.

Parents become objects of comparison with those around them, and they are no longer assumed to be "right because they are the parent."

If you do not properly nurture a relationship of trust in your daily life, the trust from your child will likely be easily lost.

High-handed attitudes, telling lies, breaking promises, dealing with them perfunctorily, mocking them, or conversely fawning over them, pandering to them, being dependent on them, or making them dependent on you.

If you forget the appropriate sense of distance and how to treat them with respect as an individual, they will drift away just like friends or acquaintances would.

▶ Can you objectively trust your child?

A relationship of trust is not one-sided; it is something built mutually.

Just as you should act in a way that makes you a parent worthy of your child's trust, you must also objectively observe how much the child themselves engages in behavior that does not betray that trust.

Children tell lies and make excuses for self-preservation without a second thought. Oh, wait, adults do too (laughs). They might say "I didn't do it!" even when they did. They might embellish things or talk about them in an exaggerated way. In the worst cases, they might even start to genuinely believe the lies they have told.

Telling lies. Exaggerating stories more than necessary. Even if the person has no malicious intent, I think it must be clearly communicated how much telling such lies damages mutual trust.

If you don't provide feedback from a young age when lies are easy to spot, the more they accumulate successful experiences of lying—thinking "I can lie and not get caught"—the more they will come to believe they can control adults with lies.

This "innocent lying," if handled poorly, can lead to bullying, and even after becoming an adult, it may become the root of behavior that decisively destroys trust.

A parent-child relationship is also one where a certain level of trust is guaranteed. Therefore, it is not something that will end so easily.

If that is the case, then they should use their parents to do a lot of trial and error in nurturing a relationship of trust.

More so than before they become obsessed with studying, entrance exams, or extracurricular lessons. I believe that being a practice partner for trust as a parent is an important thing.

See you tomorrow.

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