A bento box containing only three pieces of rolled omelet.

Today, my daughter's bento box contains only three pieces of rolled omelet.
The silver empty space in her usual bento box looks a little lonely.

A bento box containing only three pieces of rolled omelet.
There is a small reason for this bento, and it is also the bento that my daughter truly wished for.

***

Last night, my daughter suddenly started acting restless.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't want to go to kindergarten tomorrow."

When my daughter says she "doesn't want to go to kindergarten," there is usually another reason. So, at times like this, I take my time to ask what her true reason for not wanting to go is.

"Do you know what it is about kindergarten that you don't like?"
"Tomorrow, you're picking me up early, right? That's why I don't want to go."

Tomorrow, or rather today, I was supposed to pick her up at 1:00 PM instead of the usual 6:00 PM. This was because she had a scheduled health checkup and vaccinations for elementary school enrollment.

My daughter loves kindergarten, so perhaps she was sad that she had to be picked up early and leave. But sometimes she says, "Pick me up early today!", so I felt that the early pickup wasn't the real cause.

Perhaps she was feeling gloomy about the vaccinations or the health checkup.

"Are you afraid of the shot?"
"I don't like that either, but that's not it."

It seemed that the shot wasn't the only reason. My daughter was still sniffling. What on earth could be the reason? I felt I hadn't reached the core of her feelings, so I asked a little more.

"Why is it bad if I pick you up early?"
"Because I have to eat my bento quickly. I don't know if I can eat it in time."

Hearing that, I understood. This was the core of my daughter's anxiety.

"Because you're picking me up early, I have to finish eating my bento by then."

It was a reason that wouldn't have easily occurred to me, and one I might have thought, "Is that all?" if I heard it. But regardless of the reason, there was no doubt that she was feeling anxious about it.

My daughter eats her meals very slowly. She also cannot eat large portions. While making her bento every day, I have repeatedly made the bento box smaller,
and have continued to make adjustments so that my daughter, who cannot eat a lot, can finish her meal without anxiety.

"Eating everything until the end" seems to be very important to my daughter, and no matter how much I tell her, "It's okay to leave some," she tries hard to eat it all.

***

This is a bit of a digression, but when we participated in the assessment (trial session) for the Tokyo Community School she plans to attend next year, I heard an episode that was just like her.

"During lunch, she was muttering things like, 'I don't really like tomato sauce,' but then she said, 'But they went to the trouble of making it for me, so I'll do my best to eat it,' and she finished her bento cleanly all by herself."

Even though I was in the middle of an entrance interview with a guardian, I almost burst into tears. I'm sure she's doing her best to eat everything at kindergarten too, complaining and rejoicing just the same, even when there's something she dislikes or the portion is too large.

***

Lately, I had almost stopped worrying about the amount of food in her bento.
But for the first time in a while, I remembered something important.

I kept telling her, "It's okay if you're not fast," "It's okay to be the last one," and "It's okay if you leave some behind."
At home, unless it's really necessary, I don't rush her to eat quickly.
It's fine to be slow.
I'm just happy that you eat it all up.
I hoped that by being this permissive, I could encourage my daughter even a little.
But seeing my daughter eating with her head hung low in frustration, I was struck by a realization.
I need to cooperate with her so she can finish eating quickly.

A year and a half ago. The realization I had when I noticed that my daughter was feeling frustrated because she was slow at eating her bento.

I realized that rather than my own feelings of being happy that she finished her meal or happy that she tried her best to eat it, I needed to cooperate with her so she could finish eating quickly.

"Should I make your bento smaller?"
"Really!? Then, just make it tamagoyaki!"
"Just tamagoyaki? Not with rice balls or anything?"
"If it's just tamagoyaki, I can finish it right away, right?"
"In that case, can I put in three? (I usually put in two)"
"Hmm... OK!!"

This bento with only three pieces of tamagoyaki is the important 'fastest bento' that my daughter and I promised each other.

See you tomorrow.

--✂--
This is a rare event announcement. I will be holding a talk session with Kaori Yamamoto, the creator of the 'Resetter List,' on how to create a household chore list.

--✂--
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