Self-Discovery: The Completed Form Named "Still in Progress"

"I am in the middle of finding myself."
Whether on social media or in essays, this phrase has a somewhat beautiful ring to it.

Traveling,
writing a diary,
or taking on a challenge.
Each of these is spoken of as an "action to get closer to the true self."

It is an era where being unfinished is, in itself, proof of sincerity.
"The me who is not yet anyone" is,
in other words, "the me who can become anyone,"
and the light of that potential is, to the person themselves, more precious than anything else.

However, let me ask you one thing.

When do you intend for that journey to end?

1 | People Who Never Leave the Fitting Room

When people use the phrase "self-discovery," what many imagine is "a journey to meet the true self that one has yet to see."
Walking through the fog,
the fog eventually clears,
and the moment comes when you are convinced, "This is who I am"... that kind of story.

However, if you look closely at the actions of people who say, "I am currently finding myself,"
they are often just "trying things on" rather than searching.

Trying to write an essay.
Starting a craft.
Changing how they post.
Getting a certification.

None of these are bad things.
It is just that they move on to the next thing without any of them lasting long,
and the person calls it "trying various things."

The difference between trying things on and discovery lies in the depth of looking in the mirror.

Trying things on is the act of holding clothes up to your body to check from the outside whether they "suit you."

"Is this like me?"
"How do I look wearing this?"

Trying one thing after another, putting it back if it doesn't feel right, and picking up the next garment.
It is easy and you don't get hurt.
But what you are looking at there is "the impression of me wearing these clothes,"
not "what my naked self's body shape is like."

The essayist me,
the artist me,
the intellectual me,
the sensitive me.
Putting on and taking off various "something-like-me" personas, and searching for the next one.

Discovery is the opposite.
First,stand naked in front of the mirror.
Look at the lines of your body without deception.
Only then do you choose, "This fits this body."

...People whose "self-discovery" never ends have not left the fitting room.
Even though they have held up dozens of outfits, they have never once looked in the mirror naked.

2 | "Still in Progress" Is the Safest Place to Be

Here, I will say something a bit mean.

The position of "being in the middle of finding myself" is actually a very safe place.

"Because I am still in progress,"
"Because I am currently in the process of growing."

This is not a lie.
Humans are always in progress.
……However, as long as you are in progress, you are not "evaluated."

The troublesome thing about this phrase is that the moment you raise "unfinished" as your banner,
criticism, failure, and contradiction
can all be invalidated as "noise in the process".

Because you "haven't found it yet," your current self is never assessed.
Even if you write a novel and get panned, you can say, "I'm not serious yet."
Even if your outreach doesn't go well, you can say, "My direction isn't set yet."

Being unfinished functions as a unique indulgence.

Moreover, this indulgence is experienced by the person themselves as "positive language."
"Because I am still in progress" is
not a phrase to blame yourself, but a phrase toforgiveyourself.

Since you are forgiving yourself, it doesn't hurt.
Because it doesn't hurt, there is no reason to leave this place.

……"Still in progress" has, before you know it, become a permanent residence rather than a refuge.

3 | Keep searching to remain the protagonist

Let's dig a little deeper.

There is a clever structure inherent in the very words "self-discovery."
It means that as long as you are searching, you can remain"the protagonist of the story."

A person in the middle of a journey can have a drama "just by being there".

"I who keep walking while lost" is
a position that easily gathers empathy and support in the linguistic space of social media.
"I who face myself while wavering" is
extremely well-suited as the subject of an essay.

"Myself, continuing the journey while remaining unfinished,"
is already functioning as the protagonist of a story.

Conversely, what happens the moment you declare, "I found it"?

The journey ends.
The story closes.
And the "found self" becomes
an object of evaluation as a "reality" rather than a "possibility."

The "I" who is "searching for myself" is a "possibility," but
the "I" who declares "this is who I am" is merely a "result."

Because it is scary to stand there, you keep searching.
Because as long as you keep searching, you can remain "an I who could still become someone."

……In other words, this journey is not walked to find something, but
"walked so as not to find it."
"Continuing to search" is the goal.

4 | The story of the shovel you are holding

If we compare self-discovery to "digging a well," this kind of landscape comes into view.

There are people who stick a shovel into the ground here and there,
dig 30 centimeters,
and move on, saying, "There's no water here."
Every time they change locations, they say, "This time for sure."
But water veins are usually deeper than 30 centimeters.

Not being able to dig deep in one place isn't a matter of physical strength.
If you dig deep, you might hit bedrock.
And beyond the effort of overcoming that,
you might find a hollow space instead of water.

There might be nothing inside you, nothing like what you imagined.
The foundation that supported that beautiful self-image
might actually be fragile.

The fear that "even if I dig, there might be nothing there."

……Rather than facing that possibility, it is much easier to just change locations.

That is why they don't dig deep.
They dig 30 centimeters, say "there's no water," and stick their shovel in a different spot.
They dig another 30 centimeters, and move again.

While smiling and saying, "I'm just still searching,"
only many shallow holes remain in the ground.

If you feel a tightness somewhere in your chest while reading this text right now,
it is probably something you already knew.

Whether or not to dig is for you to decide.
However, continuing to call moving around a "challenge"
isn't fair to "yourself," is it?

……The journey of self-discovery doesn't end when you find yourself,
but when you let go of the "reason to keep searching."