Feeling Uneasy in an Essay = A Dialogue with Myself

At Fumi-Salo, there is a monthly assigned book, and we write essays freely based on the inspiration we get from it. The assignment for June was different from usual; instead of a book, it was "Fumi-Salo" itself. The condition was to "write it so it doesn't become a typical promotional piece."
So, I gave it a try. Here it is.

When I write an essay, I accept that it won't be finished immediately, so I first write the first draft all the way to the end. Then, I leave it alone for a few days to a week. I take that draft I've let sit, make revisions, and write a second draft. Then I let it sit again. A few days later, I revise the second draft to create a third draft. By this point, it's almost complete. I make minor adjustments when publishing it on note to create the final work.

Actually, when I first joined Fumi-Salo, I didn't do this. Once I finished the first draft, I would publish it as the final work. However, I realized something and started following this routine. What did I realize?

At Fumi-Salo, members exchange feedback on each other's essays, and I noticed that I was always being pointed out for the exact parts where I felt uneasy about my own manuscript.

"Why didn't you include a conjunction that would have fit well here?"
"Compared to the polished writing in the latter half, the beginning feels stiff. What is the reason for this?"
"I think this part is the most interesting part of the work, but it's a bit lacking. Why did you devote so much word count to other parts?"

When I receive feedback like this, what I feel is, "Oh man! I also felt uneasy because I thought something was off there."

That's when I discovered the secret: "If I feel uneasy about something, that is the place that needs revision." Through this discovery, I realized the importance of my own feelings of unease regarding the text I am writing. If that's the case, couldn't I use that unease as a guide to dig deeper into those spots or devise different ways of writing to brush up the essay into a better work? That is how this routine was established.

People have various reasons for participating in Fumi-Salo. I participate to heighten my sensitivity to my own feelings of unease. I can also "check my answers" through the feedback. I highly recommend Fumi-Salo to anyone who wants to use essays to feel uneasy = have a dialogue with themselves.

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